Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

Hi MyLittle and Time, thank you for your supportive comments - I'm trying hard not to think the world is populated by men who are arseholes - I have two teenage DS and a DD and would so love to find someone who could set them a good example of how things should be done, rather than them seeing me just wandering from one loser to the next. :(

Time to pull myself together and find chocolate ....

Well, i kind of know it's on the cards. We have discussed it, he cant afford to stay in his flat much longer, i think its an awful, awful idea and he knows i think this (less jobs, unhealthy to move in with your lesbian ex girlfriend and her girlfriend, oh, yeah, we wont be hanging out...) so he could be wary of telling me because it kind of brings things to a head. He also knows i have very interesting abandonment issues after not one but two teenage boyfriends left London, so he might be considering my reaction...

And i think my reaction will be very selfish and childish. :(

Sorry, being a bit 'me, me, me' today. (thank you for indulging my self absorbed bleating)

Snape, don't know the history of your teacher man, but I'd be on the next bus :-) ... therein lies my problem, I suspect.

Snape your reaction isn't selfish and childish at all. I would say that you are one of the least selfish and childish people I 'know'. The unconditional love and friendship that you show to PM is amazing. I would say that you have every right to be concerned, you are his friend, you care about him and you want the best for him. I don't even know him but from what you say the move would be a bad one. What would be his reasons for leaving? What makes him think his life is going to be any better by running away? As his friend you could ask him such questions, get him thinking a bit

Thing is, i dont know how to react (& appreciate advice) immediate reaction is to burst into tears, confess undying love kinder reaction is to say I'll miss him oh christ SO much but he's a grown man who has obviously weighed up the pros and cons of the situation & while i dont personally think its a great decision, because he loves London and jobs and blahblah, then I reluctantly support his decision, because i love him thats what friends do.

Oh bollocks, it's the second option, isnt it. It's the kind option.

Any chance of the 1st option resulting in declaration of reciprocal feelings sex. Lots and lots of sex. ? No? Thought not.

It's so hard when you love someone and they dont love you back I still to this day love ad but know he doesn't me anymore.

I also still love my ex (despite everything but can't and won't return) I always will.

I would also love to kiss one person again who I kissed at 15 and that kiss made my whole body tingle and I would (at that moment in time) have done anything that kiss melted me.

Now I look back and see he was someone I could never have long term but in that kiss I felt he loved me. I would have given it all for him. Just as well I don't see him.

I am seeing a lot of someone. I like them, but not sure they feel the same. We are just getting to know each other.

Snape if this were me I would not hesitate in telling him that I love him! I don't think you have anything to lose. I cannot believe you called yourself selfish, when here you are putting the feelings of PM before those of your own. If you think he is making a bad decision, then as a friend, you should tell him, you really should. You don't have to be kind to him. What are you afraid will happen if you are honest with him? That you will lose him? But lose what? If he is a true friend, if he values your friendship as much as you do his then he will understand, he will listen, he will have a think, and he will still be your friend. If he takes the huff and dumps you then, well, good riddance! He didn't deserve your love and loyalty in the first place. From where I am sitting Snape you have nothing to lose. Don't allow fear to make you passive.

It is selfish though, because beneath the reasonable argument & concern, is my loss. I think I'd need to make a proper break, potentially without a huge big scene discussion, because it isnt a discussion i can see going well, i dont want the relationship to peter out...i think i would need to go the route of ignore, thats a horrible journey, but the end result where i dont mope around & think about him constantly where sanity is restored is probably worth it. But then, he wont know whats happened.

Head+desk = thunk

Wobblewobblewobblewobble.

Tell him. I wanted to tell someone I loved them, never did and now regret it.he is the one that got away.

Ahhh, but, you tried that before. Detaching/ignoring doesn't work. Rather than ignore, don't you think a proper sit down discussion, where feelings are laid on the table once and for all, and decisions are made, mutually, is the best way to go? I'm not sure how the relationship can withstand 'ignore' without petering out. I can't help but think this approach will be more harmful, as PM won't know what's going on. If you really do feel the need to make a proper break, then he has to be in on it too. He has to play his part in helping you make that break. If you are going to try manage this alone, by simply ignoring him, then it won't work, for a number of reasons, one being that you are going to have to be very strong and quash your feelings.

And I still don't think you are selfish. It's not selfish to love someone and want them in your life.

snape Just wanted to say I'm from Leeds and once had a teacher who looked like Tim! if I remember his name I will PM you

It's never selfish to love someone. I miss my ex (someone slap me VERY hard please) and just friends to talk to. Ah dear feeling a little low tbh. Anyway dating chat,

Loving someone is not selfish in the slightest. Not if you truly love them. Tell that person. Says she who struggles to say those words.

jubileefanjo (i've always wanted to type that!). Was your sir a science teacher?

Told flatmate what he'd said. He was absolutely mortified (good!) and extremely apologetic, we're good though.

I can't remember just remember a teacher who looked like him. The school I went too was JS. If he's mentioned school with them initials then its him

And jubileeFanjo as a nice ring to it

Just catching up (again), you girls move on so quickly.

Pleased to hear about your 4th date upcoming Watch. just take it nice and slowly, I think thats the problem with us women, tend to jump ahead & want the relationship without just enjoying the way there. Enjoy the dating, take it for what it is... whats the big hurry?

Sponge... good advice from others. You need to ask for that drink, nothing ventured and all. You are a very attractive lady. If you dont try, you'll never know.

Time...I'm with you, the pear cider and Ben&Jerrys has called me tonight.

Haunted.. you will get good advice on here, havent done any internet dating yet, perhaps these threads have put me off a bit, but you just need to have a fairly thick skin & wise up to men!!

I found the last letter I got from my ex today, and ended up crying my eyes out. It had a pic of my little boy and the ex with it and a copy of the letter I wrote back. They say there is always that one person you love, but I cannot and will not go back to him. I will always love him though. I accept that.

Hello again.

Just thought I'd give a quick update. Have had a few weeks of mind f**ks from Mr Eum, but luckily it reminded me why I stopped seeing him last time.

I then went on a date last Tuesday, after a week or so of mailing/texting (no cock pics, and only mildly flirty at times) and he was really, really hot nice. Talked for ages, laughed a lot, had a passionate snog lovely kiss in the car park and we're going to see each other again, unfortunately not for a week due to kids schedules.

Crossing my fingers a lot now, I get all tingly when I hear from him :-)

Oh, and he plays guitar too!

Snape, flatmate was out of order, no matter how drunk he was. I think you should have a chat with PM, the worst that will happen is he will move on. He obviously values you are as a person, maybe you should give him the chance to be a good guy.

I've just spent the afternoon with MrBigandconfused. We stayed in at mine due to the weather (were going to go for a walk) watched the Jubilee, chatted non stop, then snogged and went to bed (oops again). His leaving words was see you in the week for lunch or dinner and he said I can go to his in a couple of weeks as his DC will be away. This is the man that decided he didn't want to speak or meet me two weeks ago as he didn't want to get into anything. Am a bit confused by him, but I'm good with casual and he is an attractive man and good company. So will see if he disappears or hangs around

Snape another one here who thinks you need to have that conversation.

I dont waaaaaaaant to have the conversation!

:(

Snape you have to fell the fear and do it anyway

The Conversation is now essential. It will set you free, one way or another.

MsC do you have a spreadsheet?

snape have to agree with the others and say you need that conversation. You can't keep going with all the not knowing.

MsC its good to just enjoy the here and now.

Sorry for my deeply unattractive self pity wobble earlier. Feel better now. Enjoying the moment and spending time with one person in particular.

time. You're normally so full of wonderful advice...

Snape I think you have buried your head in the sand for long enough. The time has come. It's time. It's here. The time is now. The time is right. Sit that man down and have The Talk.