Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

hmmmm yes. i dont quite know how im feeling about it all.

DD was upstairs, asleep. In hindsight the sex that happened was probably not appropiate sex to be having while a child is upstairs asleep. maybe, oh, i dont know. If i were married id be having sex with a child being upstairs or in the same room... its not so differernt. DD NEVER comes down once shes been put to bed, and we stayed downstairs, i wouldnt risk being upstairs with somone she doesnt know.

The slap, meh. shouldnt have happened.( penis was IN my mouth) Should have been spoken about before, was a heat of the momment type thing, and while it was hard, it wasnt an ' im hitting you' type slap, it was a sexual one, maybe in context of other things that have been going on he thought it was ok....So Possibly my fault, possibly his, or abit of both. These things can sometimes happen if you are being a bit kinky and other things have been ok and enjoyed......Can be forgiven if it doesnt happen again.

The refs to other women - nope. i said something then and there, he did appoligse.

The email appology - again, i can accept that, then there were txt appolgies too. I dont have a problem with the form its in, more so what it says. He texted to say sorry amost 4 mins after leaving, without me having said anything, which means he knew he had crossed a line OR felt guilty that he got carried away, or whatever, without me having said anything. He admitted he treated me badly and without respect, and said how he did respect me, alot, and didnt do it on purpose.

The orgasm thing, meh - again, not sure how i feel about it. I know for a fact its not my issue, obviously, and he has admitted it, too much wanking, he has appolgised alot about it. hes so far been very unselfish and focused on me, so i cant really say anything i dont think.

haunted - yeah, no worries, i know what you meant :)

so - im not quite sure how im feeling about it all actually. Ive not heard from him today so far, i think probably it depends on what he says/ does from this point on.

Poppa - i dont think there is any need to get into anything, but maybe as a personnal issue if people are always misconstruing what you say, even in rl where it warrants a slap, perhaps it is in fact being offensive and not the ' queen bee's' who are taking offense at what you say.

Have you heard from him yet Watch?

I think how the situation made you feel is important, no matter what his excuses. I think you do need to talk to him, in person.

Hope you are ok?

Cross posted.

I think the next step is to talk. Communicate. You are still getting to know each other, communication is a vital part of that. As you already know Maybe it's a good thing you are going on holiday, it gives you a break, a chance to think and put everything into perspective.

yes. i know.

I did to work out if its a one off, for which he realised himself straight away and said sorry.. and did mean it and is generally nice and lovely as he has been.

or

hes actually an arse, the lovelyness is a front and the appology is a way of shifting blame onto me.

At this point i have no idea which one it is, i can only go on what happens from now.

I have not heard from him yet, i dont think that bodes paticullary well.

The only way you are going to know if it is a one off or not is by giving him another chance to prove himself to you. If he steps out of line again, then he is a twat, if he doesn't, then it was a one off.

I'm very disappointed in him for not contacting you. I dunno, this all sort of smacks of self sabotage.

ok, just got this:
hi, i dont feel good, i feel bad at making you feel cheap. Sorry again. Your enjoyment is very very much at the forefront above everything really, when i am with you, but i didnt get that right last night... how are you though, i was concerned this morning and last night.

so - what do we make of that?

bugger. giant reply typed and.... crash ...

I wasnt having a go at you from the perspective of shreik! horror! man in the house! (Although I will gently address that..) I'm more mentioning it from the POV of it being in the back of his head that theres a small person upstairs.

I got caught at it on the sofa by DS1 once (who also NEVER came downstairs) I dont think he was traumatised, he knew the chap involved very well (significant ex, not their dad,we'd been going out for years) but I still absolutely wish it hadn't happened. while affection between a married couple is a fab example to children, pottering downstairs to see your mums mate clutching a huge erection isnt great. Married couples i believe, do have sex, but it is behind closed doors and the child is warned that a closed door means a knock and an invitation to enter. I'm not having a go, love - I'm trying to gently mention that it could have been even more awful. it's not like you've dragged him off the street, taken him home to bounce on him, it's that DD might have walked in when you had his cock in his mouth and he was slapping you.

still, glossing over. the coming in you thing? that wouldn't necessarily be a concern - it's more the interaction. the same significant ex and I didn't do that much PIV, it would primarily involve (mutual) masturbation, but there would be interaction between us while that was going on. I wouldn't even be that bothered by him not coming as long as i did

you know I'd take that apology in good spirit. red flags aside, I'd give him another chance, but make it clear that it's exactly that. a chance.

snape - no offence taken. crossed my mind too.

theres a ton of PIV - holy crap, so much detail, its to do with his wanking technique, he somehow keeps the foreskin up, anything with it down is too sensitive for him to cum, so, oral and piv is too sensitive for that to happen. not that hes not enjoying it, just its not going to happen.
hes said, up until this point that its him and his issue and i wasnt to feel bad about it, and its just from too much wanking in a ' silly' way.
i dont know if that comment was through frustration because it ' nearly' happened..... or what. we need to talk about it. The sex, until a few things yesterday has been bloody fantastic, very, very good and no complaits at all my end, very attentive and nice and great. Just something went wrong yesterday and i dont know what.

i think thats possibly what im going to have to do, leave the flags waving for a bit and see what happens.
whatever, its made me take about 15 steps back.

Sticking my nose in again to say - that apology seems genuine to me, so I would go with what your gut is telling you.

Buggering off again now.

crikey - dont bugger off :)

thank you for taking it in good spirit watch obviously meant no offence, just concern :)

Holy shit watch. That is NOT cool with no prior discussion. I can be rather kinky myself, but not 4 weeks in, not without prior discussuin, not without CONSENT.

I would take waaaaay more than 15 steps back. That's horrible.

My latest update: haven't really got one, all good here still. V happy

ok - lots of emails back and forth, ( both of us at work)
he felt under pressure because of the time constraints, wanted to make it awesome, few things went ' wrong' he got pissed off, hence why i was like and it ended up just not sitting right.
he should have just said something. i have told him this. and told him hes under no pressure to ' perform' and that lazy sex, or even no sex is also fine and that every time does not need to be some kind of marathon sex session, beating the previous one.

hes said sorry 100 times and i think its a good sign that we are communitcating about this rather than just either leaving it, or me not saying anything or whatever.

ton of communcating going on, said he really likes hanging out with me, and the non sex stuff just as much, and we should go out to dinner when i get back and hang out. and that even if there was no sex at all he would just like to hang out with me.

So - yes, thats fine with me, i shall remain on the look out and tread carefully, but i think we are ok.

yes?
sensible decision?

good. :)

Hey watch I've just been catching up with you and Mr Lovely, I agree with Snape and I have to admit a little bit with PoppaRob too, someone mentioned porn and then later someone else referred to it as "the porn thing" as though it was certain - I do agree that the support is good and I'm not saying anyone is wrong, or that you would take a "vote" and act on that - you clearly have a sensible head on your shoulders from the way you've analysed things on this page.

Personally, I wouldn't take any offence at a sexual slap, I might not like it, but I would say so and then expect it to never happen, I think sex is trial and error, you have to find out what each other likes, and sometimes that's by doing, sometimes by asking. It was a sex slap not a violent slap, so my thoughts are that he wouldn't have done it if he thought you wouldn't like it.

He seems to want to make it work, and I think it's a good sign he's mentioned hanging out. Like Lueji said, you've mainly been having sex - total honeymoon period - and that's great. But at some point something had to give to shift things. And maybe this was it.

One thing I will say, is that you must trust your gut - whatever everyone's advice is, only you were there, only you have the benefit of the subtle sixth sense style feelings of knowing the situation. Don't let us convince you one way or the other.

fizzfiend I have exactly the same dilemmas as you regarding when is the "right" time to have sex, I might start a new thread just to talk about that!

henrietta - i think the ' porn thing' was meant generally, not as some agreed problem....

to be fair we have done lots of other things other than just shagging, there were 3 non sexual, not even kissing dates first, then 3 nights of sex, then a gig with no sex. then an afternoon of shagginh, but there was a walk in the park and some ice cream too. Then more sex on the tuesday lunch, and then on the friday cinema, meal out and then sex. the sat there was sex and then lunch out, we had planned to do other stuff, but it didnt happen. The sunday we had sex and then we went to the pet shop and tescos!!! tue we had sex, and then last night. So, there has been balance, i think. As much as there can be 2 weeks after you start shagging someone.

i dont mind a sexual slap. A sexual slap round the face while his cock is right down my throat, is, however, a bit different. he wont be doing that again.

I would only ever go with what i thought. i wouldnt do what everyone was telling me, its advice, i dont have to take it.

This board is fab ( and MN generally) for asking advice, getting reassurance, or being told you are way off mark, and then you can make a decision based on that.

I am however pleased that we are communicating about this and sorting it out, he hasnt blamed me at all this morning and he has taken it all on himself. so thats good. There hasnt been any name calliing, or anger or anything like that, so thats also good and shows maturity and i think if it was just about sex he wouldnt have bothered talking it through with me for the last 3 hours.

in regard to your ' when is the right time to have sex' question, i dont think there is one. there are some misguided people who think you should withhold sex to catch a man, but a man wont stay after sex if that was never his intention in the first place, and you wont ever know his intention, you have to take it on face value and your judgements. I think the best thing to say is, if you want sex, and you feel comftable and are ok with sex for sex's sake and are ok with it not leading to any relationship - then do it. Or just do it when it feels right.

actually, on that note i want to thank everyone, for helping me sound all this out and make sense of something and deal with it.

As time said, i could have not said anythng, pushed it aside as me being silly, which would have probably have been a slippery slope to me being unhappy.

but im pleased that i came on here, said what i did, you lot have all helped. ive communicated with him, he has with me ( he made the first move on that) and thats actually a really good, positive thing.

Blimey - as ever so much going on. Sorry to have disappeared, but I have been so busy at work. Nose & grindstone far too close together.

Watch - sometimes it is hard to know where one person's sexual adventure ends & another's begins. He clearly pushed his behaviour further than he should have done and not in a very nice way. It sounds like you can spell out very clearly which bits of his behaviour crossed your lines and then expect them never to happen again. I know you are a tough cookie, but take care Watch.

Sponge - was the date last night or next Weds?

Hello to everyone else & newbies. No dating news for me at the moment.

:) thanks.
Luckily i know firmly where my boundaries are and have no problem in saying so. I like sex, i can talk about it easily, and i know what i do and dont like. and i didnt like that, and he shouldnt have done it, hes been told and if it happens again thats it.
Im not about to go blurring my boundaries to please anyone else, dont you worry :)

thread is at 972 (3! possibly 4) we'll need to come up with a new title that doesn't contain the words 'cock' or 'slap'. :)

I think you'll be fine watch No-one will mess you around. :)

watch sounds like you're v clear on it in your own mind, which is great. And it's good you are communicating about it properly.

post date is next Weds, a whole 6 days away. I have done little but think about it. Still haven't worked out where to go (fairly crucial) but have spent much time planning my outfit and contemplating the purchase of a new dress (perhaps less crucial).

NO - they wont :)

hows about ' chances of johnny depp being on pof? - dating thread 17'

Back again :) Had to go out and do a admin course at the workfare place. It runs for two days so finishes tomorrow.

Now I haven't read all the posts since my last one so don't know of any updates but want to put a few thoughts down as I said I would earlier.

Firstly poppa I disagree with you about the lynch mob mentality. What I see is a group of intelligent, individual women who have all recognised the same warning signs/red flags in watch's posts. Hitting someone across the face, even in a sex situation, is wrong, completely unacceptable, the only possible exception being that it has been discussed and agreed on by both parties beforehand. This is not a glitch, it's unacceptable behaviour and the outcome will depend on his actions and whether or not he takes responsibility for his behaviour. Meanwhile the rest of us will give our opinions on the subject but watch is intelligent and together enough to take those opinions on board but at the same time make her own mind up on what she chooses to do, that is in the best interests of herself and to an extent her dd.

watch there have been comments on the possibility of him using porn which could explain the climax thing, he may have been desensitized. The problem with porn is that not only do they become desensitized to piv sex but they can also become desensitized to the person they are having sex with. Is there also a possibility of control here? Just a question maybe for you to think about. As for putting him off when you clenched? Okay, maybe I'm showing ignorance here because I've never had any man say that to me but what's that about? Is it even possible to put someone off if you clench? I am concerned about him blaming you for that.

"And then one a few mins later appolgising for if he was mean in word or deed"

If? Surely he must have known what he did was wrong?

Can I suggest you take this holiday to think about what has happened. Actually scrap that, go on holiday, have a great time, don't even think about him. Then when you get home look back and reflect on what has happened and how he has handled it, his behaviour, whether or not he has taken responsibility for the things he's done and said, and think about how it has made you feel, how it does make you feel. Then take it from there.

Btw I think I need a thesaurus...there must be an alternative to desensitized