Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

Nah, you're alright. :) no urgency...I'll get round to it (at his leaving do)

Snape is it a case of that you love him so so much that you will take whatever he gives of himself, even if that isn't as much as you would like. When you heard that he was intending to move away, did that make you want to detach yourself from him to avoid the inevitable, which is the heartache you will feel if and when he does move away? Are you pushing him away before he leaves you? Or, do you really feel the time has come to move on yourself, for yourself, for your emotional wellbeing.

Well, if flatmate had kept his big mouth shut you wouldn't have been thinking this way. I reckon this is a PM Panic Attack. Push before you are pushed, so to speak.

If you are happy to continue as you are, then who are we to tell you otherwise. Plus, I do love hearing about your lovely non romantic relationship

sigh. Its the first one. I think youre right, its a wobble because of flatmate and i kind of know he's right, we've returned to the hand holdy confusing nonsense. how we look to other people is happy ridiculous... I 'm not in the process of pushing away at the moment, i'm enjoying the last few weeks, because it's too soon & too scary to think about him not being here. I'm not moving on for my emotional well-being, that would feel like amputation. Maybe i'm considering it as necessary to detach when he isnt here anymore or some kind of punishment for him leaving (which is horrible of me, am not a nice person after all....)

And thank you, i really do appreciate your advice time even if i am being rather selective in it.... :)

Snape I fear it will always be 'too soon and too scary' to think about being without him. You love him. You are in love with him. It's never going to feel good without him. If he chooses to leave he has taken the decision/confusion/emotional turmoil/whatever else, out of your hands, it will be out of your control, and I suspect, a little bit easier for you to deal with than having to make that decision for yourself. Today your thoughts have manifested out of hurt, you that doesn't make you a horrible person. You haven't confronted PM or done anything hurtful. The only person hurting today has been you. You are a nice person. Believe it!

you are welcome.

Oh wise and benevolent time!

Right, enough of my self absorbed wobbling, its getting dull. Jubilee date watch! :)

Unrequited love. The only time it is a pleasure to be sad. You will know if/when it's time to give up. Nuff said on the subject.

Time, you give the best advice... :)

Snape. We don't do hugs, but have one anyway, sorry, didn't realise flatmate had,been mean about it, thought it had been said in a nice,worried about you way.

4th date set for tue :)
Excited.
:)

New thread already? These seem to be going faster!!

Watch Giddy for you :)

Snape Go for what feels right for you but just be careful you don't miss an opportunity (speaking from bitter experience haha)

Just wanted to give everyone a "be careful" and reminder warning and really don't mean to scare anyone but thought I'd got a pretty good radar of weeding out the idiots in internet dating world but just had a bit of a shock - nice guy I thought, respectable job, no cock shots or anything like that. Was sorting out about meeting up to then chat on the phone to find out he had a number of kids (his profile said none) but the dealbreaker was he had been arrested earlier in the week for assaulting his ex!!!!!

Sorry posted too quickly..

Just everyone please be aware that these men (just like the women as well I suppose) can say anything on a profile, does not mean that its real - just like what's already previously been said about photos being posted from years back. Check out as best you can who you are meeting and always let someone know where you are. Keep safe

crikey Actually!
did he tell you himself about the arrest for assault?

Yes he did Mercury along with "do you think I'd tell you if it was true"?!?!?!

And to top it off the kids he'd had with his first ex he wasn't allowed to see!! Didn't go into that so perhaps might not be as bad as it sounds but hey....!!!!!

surely he'd realise that most women would be concerned about a man who had assaulted a woman??

sounds like he doesnt have the brains/wit to realise that he comes across as very very bad news
I mean..you didnt have to give him much rope before he hung himself

Yes I know!
But with the whole "normal" "professional" profile perhaps he thought he'd done all the work in drawing women in and I can see that in some cases what was written in a profile wouldn't even be questioned until you were in a face to face situation - or even later!! Got to say I'm fairly guilty of that - I'm honest so I expect others to be the same... as I said it was just meant to be a warning to others to not believe EVERYTHING you read - the trust must come first...

Actually shocked- phew, so glad you found out before you went! Profiles should be taken with a pinch of salt, I think we all think that. You can learn a lot more from messages/ texts/ phone calls. And then again, face to face.
But it is a reminder to keep your guard up and not to trust them from the off.

So yeah, lots of texting through the day yesterday ( didn't call, I was out on a family jubliee thing) tremendous amount of flirting going on :) and date set for tomorrow. Which is date 4, and 3rd date in less than a week.... Is that a bit much?

And my brothers gf of two years, who works with children, and adores dd, and dd adores her, well, she offered to babysit, anytime I.wanted, for free!!!!! Now that is an amazing offer :)

Snape, did you go? ( id have gone)

Hiding, high five for boys with guitars :)

Wise, I am enjoying it. Just blindsided by it. I'm not in any race for it to be a relationship, that freaks me out. A lot. Actually scares me. So....... I just needed reassuring its.just ' dating' and isn't more than that, and a certain number of dates doesn't automatically mean anything. Saying all that, I've somehow found the Time to have 3 dates in less than a week, which If you asked me a few weeks ago, I would have said was.impossible.

watch I have found time has gone a but elastic over the past few weeks. Is odd but in a good way.

What are you doing for tomorrow's date ?

Actually what watch says.

Watch Brilliant!! And great news about the free babysitter!! What's happening tomorrow? What time are you meeting? What time will you be updating, please?

Ive lured him back to mine.....!!!!
Hes bringing French ( subtitled films) that apparently I need to see. I'm providing baguettes, cheese and hes bringing wine.
Dd' s off to her dads tomorrow afternoon.
There is going to be a whole lot of kissing. For sure.
But I'm not going to have sex with him, even if I want to. Which I.do.

Actually lucky escape you've had there. Yes, we do need to remind ourselves that not everyone is honest and trustworthy.

watch what Time said

watch' no, i sat on my sofa, watched green wing and nursed a peroni. :). Had a brilliant sleep though and feel a bit more chipper. Very excited about your subtitles, cheese & wine date.

actuallyshocked (hello!) red flags like bunting all over this guy. The assault is one thing, but not being 'allowed' to see your kids from a previous relationship...in my experience (admittedly because all the women i know are wonderful & bend over backwards for their exes to see the DCS) a man who isnt allowed to see his children, isn't allowed to for a very good reason (lets not forget assaulting the (other) ex) or just cant be arsed. I think it's every bit as bad as it sounds and happy/relieved that you wont behaving anymore to do with him.

Thank you all for your excellent (if potentially unheeeded...) advice, non MNy hugs and general care and affection. You are the jewels and bees knees. :) We might have a chat later, depending on flatmate being elsewhere and the amount of rum i can pour down him.

Am sitting here reading this.

How do you 'know' that they guys you meet are faithful, respectful, non abusive? It must be a rare occassion for them to actually admit to being someone that isn't likely to be good relationship material....

Think it depends on their psyche & the sort of women they're used to meeting. A lot of women do believe utter bollocks ,'she just kept on pushing me, i snapped,' and think the new woman thinks she can change someone, that they're 'the one' - alternatively domestic violence is, to an extent normalised by the media, it's regarded as (very) vaguely acceptable, that someone feels their love so passionately that they cant control a physical representation of that love.... & then people genuinely want to believe it will 'never happen again, i've been so stressed at work, i'm so sorry, i just lashed out'... I had a member of staff once who finally confided her hell to me, she would tiptoe around this 'man', run to the bathroom when he started on her, because it was the only door in the house with a lock, she told me she enjoyed being pregnant as he wouldnt hit her when she was carrying his baby. Then he did.

I have never had a fist raised to me in a relationship, i have made it utterly clear from the word go that i would never forgive that, it would be the end - the difficulty is that (some) women are brought up to be compliant and forgiving and (some) men are taught to settle arguments with their fists.

My kids have witnessed domestic violence in their fathers subsequent relationship. I have to gently explain that you never hit someone that you love, it isn't excusable.