Dating, Loitering and Sofa Surfing, It's All Happening! Dating Thread 16.

[TimeForMeAndDD]

In continuation from previous thread:

Watch do not talk exclusivity until you have assessed the contents of his trouser department after the 5th date. Only after you have assessed the contents of his trouser department the 5th date do you decide whether or not the willy he is worth the commitment.

And yes, of course you go on Friday!! What on earth are you thinking woman! Today you were the BOSS of a coconut shy, a few of his friends will be nothing compared to that!

I've got to go make coffee, I've just watch Paying it Forward and I am in bits! BITS!

Heck, he's not coming rounds tomorrow. Fuck that.

Hes put that he lost perspective.and forgot himself and forgot he likes spending time with me too ( wtf!!!!!!, like that makes a difference!!!!!)

Then goes onto Blame being tired and the sofa/ floor and not being used to that..

Huh. Well,that's crap.
And doesn't wash with me.

"I treated you like a whore because I forgot I liked you" in other words.

.

Yep. He needs to talk to you. No emailing.
My ex was shockingly self absorbed and used the I'm tired, overworked card all the time for his disrespectful behaviour. I bought it for a while then I wised up, didn't make a fuss and left. Second guessing nearly drove me mad too.

He's trying out the push-you-pull-you thing. Testing to see how far he can do it, testing your boundaries. I don't like him anymore, I've gone off him.

Sorry watch

How fucking DARE he? After this amount of time? Fucker.

Time I thought the same about emailing, if he really felt bad/remorseful/whatever, he should be calling - or at the very least texting to ask if it would be alright to call so he could explain & apologise. Email doesnt seem like him being sorry enough to me.

I dont like him saying he forgot himself. Suspect that may be connected to the porn thing.

He's behaved like a total fuckwit tonight by the sounds of it. And now hes fucked up the apology too.

I think he needs to do something exceptional to redeem himself tbh.

You know watch, as much as I was happy for you, I was thinking earlier today or yesterday (can't remember) that your being together almost seemed to be only about the sex.
As much as you have enjoyed it and as nice as he was, for some reason it occurred to me that it might actually be too much. If that makes sense.

It looks like he is showing his true colours.

It's very odd behaviour.

Hmm...sounds out of character...and that would then cause me to question what his character actually is. Has he been putting on a fake persona all this time?

But look at the positives....you have enjoyed yourself for the last 4 weeks. That is overwhelmingly clear from.this thread. You've had a great time - both in and out of the bedroom. Don't let 1 shit encounter take that away from you.

Chin up. Be cautious and try and enjoy your hols...

MLM, re the trip to visit your mate's grave... The most important things you can take are your memories of him and the affection you had for him. His grave is just the place they chose to put his remains to rest. The visit to the grave is an opportunity for you to think good thoughts about him and give you somewhere to reflect.

Our Aussie aborigines have a lot of "sacred sites". Even though I'm an atheist I quite like the idea of having places that are just a bit special for whatever reason where we can take a quiet moment to reflect and gather our thoughts and even spill our guts. When I was doing some family history research back in the 1980s I discovered that my great-grandfather was buried in an unmarked pauper's grave. It's just a patch of weedy ground between a couple of non-descript trees in the original cemetery in our main city. Even though I only visit it every few years it's become something of a sacred site to me. When I visit it I have a bit of a talk to the old bugger and tell him what's been happening. Of course he's long dead (he died in 1897) and I'm adopted so there's no genetic link to him, but it's a little emotionally safe place where I can switch off from the world, escape from the noise of my life, put my thoughts in order and reflect.

And Watch, re your rock-god, I'm with Haunted on this one. A glitch until proven otherwise. Don't let yourself be carried along by a wave of lynchmob mentality.

The only thing that would require explanation is the slap in the face. I've been slapped in the face by women twice in my life. On one occasion it was meant in a fun way, on the other it was a gross over-reaction to a comment I'd made. In both cases it was the last interaction I had with those people.

Was it an actual slap, or you meant it was like a slap on the face?

Because if it was an actual slap, then get rid asap.

Poppa Rob. A slap in the face, uninvited, during sex is a 'glitch'? I like kinky sex, but this is different. And watch said it was too, along with loads of other stuff not sitting right. His personality was completely different.

Please don't accuse us of being of a mob mentality. She felt like shit last night, because of him. You think she should be ok about feeling like that after a few weeks? I don't think so.

It was an actual slap ( while I was performing oral)

I was not impressed. Not after 4 weeks. No prior discussion about if I liked that kind of thing. now, while I like rough sex and we have been slightly kinky, this is way off mark and he shouldn't have done it.

The email started off saying he was emailing because he didn't want to wake me but wanted to say sorry .

Leuju, we have done non sex things too. But it has been quite intense. I have a high sex drive too though. Caht all be blamed on him.

Crikey, yep, that's how it translates to me too.

Anyway, I'm just going to wait and see what happens. See what he does. That will tell me what I need to know. I'm surprisingly not in a stress about it, I know its not my issue, and if it is a case of that is who he actually is, then I'm off..and if he's actually sorry, that will be clear.

Poppa. Sorry, but yet again you are way off mark saying a slap round the face is a glitch. And these lovely ladies are a lynch mob. If you feel that way I suggest you think about no longer posting.

I wasn't feeling good, I posted, got support and sounded out what had happened. So, so important. And I'm very thankful for everyones Input.

Im just trying to get some tips here....not internet dating though. So mixed up about when to sleep with a man. Last time I waited patiently, crossed my legs, and ran away...lovely guy, but after about 6 dates I decided to sleep with him and he was a teeny weeny and not good with it either...just no chemistry.
Feels like a waste.

Next guy was gorgeous and I accidentally slept with him on the first night...and it was so amazing and a great connection but he wasn't interested afterwards.

So what's the rule of thumb? Is first night sex always a disaster? I feel like a teenager starting again. AAAAAArrrrrggghh!!!

Haunted said "But look at the positives....you have enjoyed yourself for the last 4 weeks. That is overwhelmingly clear from.this thread. You've had a great time - both in and out of the bedroom. Don't let 1 shit encounter take that away from you." I agreed with Haunted.

NEW PARAGRAPH - covering the slap, which is simply not on under any circumstances. I would have thought that was patently obvious by my explanation of my reactions to being slapped.

Lynchmob mentality is rife on MN. I wonder how many people have "Left the bastard" based on the advice of people they've never met and whose background and life experiences they have no knowledge? It becomes an online version of Chinese whispers, with conclusions being drawn usually based on one comment or statement. It really wouldn't matter except people's lives and emotions are being played with. Support and nurturing are good things. Relationship decisions by committee less so.

I've been on these threads for a while now. I've been shot down time and again, mainly by Time and Watch when they've misconstrued something I've said, to the point where I've gone from posting every day or so to only posting every now and then. Watch, seeing as you and Time are queen bees and Watch has suggested I bugger off I may well do so.

And of course while everyone's reading with their angry eyes they will have skimmed quickly and miscontrued most of this as well. Can't be helped I suppose. ;-)

"Lynchmob mentality" Here we go again.

Hope you are feeling ok this morning watch. Remember, when someone tells you who they are, listen. He has gone about things all the wrong way but he may well be gutted and make every effort to put things right, like you say, see what happens today. You need to talk to him though. If you are going to go any further with him, you need to actually talk. You need to tell him to his face how what happened has made you feel and you need reassurance that he did act out of character. Following that, only time will tell. This is a new relationship and boundaries have yet to be set in some areas. Now is the time to set them in the bedroom! Now might be a good time to discuss his problem with ejaculation too, seeing as he blames you when things go wrong. And you have to decide if everything else in the relationship, all the positives, outweigh that particular problem.

It's absolutely great that your twat radar is working properly though, that your instincts kick in when something doesn't feel right and you seek reassurance. Some people might have validated his behaviour, justified it in their own mind and allowed things to escalate. And I'm pleased you found the lynch mob to be of help.

I was just wondering how long it would be before you came back Rob and accused people of 'misconstruing' your posts, not understanding your digs jokes. It tends to be 'the norm'. You haven't been shot down by me, I can tell you that because I know in what context I post. I know how I interpret your posts and I respond accordingly. Then I await for your post claiming innocence and victim status. You so remind me of another poster.

I have nothing further to say to you. I just cannot be bothered. But please refrain from the Personal Attacks.

Haven't read all replies properly. But just to clarify what I meant.

I was trying to say that last night doesn't take the great times and feelings away from you. They still happened. You still felt great about them at the time. You can't and shouldn't change that.

I wasn't trying to say you should (or shouldnt) move on from this. Just that irrespective of where you go next the good stuff still happened and it was still good.

Does that make sense?

Yes Haunted, it makes perfect sense, I think the majority of us understood what you meant from your original post too

fizzfiend so sorry, I missed your post! I'm no expert or anything but I don't believe there are any hard and fast rules as to when you have sex. I think everyone's experiences are different, it depends on the person really and you should just go with how you feel.

If you had great first night sex and felt good afterwards, even though he didn't get in touch it wasn't a disaster, it was a great experience. It wasn't the sex that disappointed you, it was the fact he wasn't interested afterwards, if you get my drift? It's all in the way of thinking

Morning :)

Can't stay as I have a course to get to.

sponge HTH

MLM poppa has beat me to it, take your happy memories.

watch I don't have time to type what I want to say right now but I will do later. Time makes some very good points, as do the others.

Watch, it's not about blame.

But it's true that I started feeling something was a little off the mark. Not even knowing you or him but I had a though that it was all so intense and that it was ready for a fall.

Just offering some perspective from the outside and it was not even rational, just a gut feeling.

All and all and with the slap, I'm not sure I'd go on.

*Slapped round the face
*Spoken to rudely & impatiently
*Blamed for him losing his erection
*Previously agreed date broken without apology or explanation
*"Thanked" for sex
*Half-arsed apology that borders on the offensive (if our interpretation of what he said was correct)

I struggle to see how any of this can be described as a "glitch".

I do seriously hope that he comes good, Watch, apologises properly and explains himself - because it's been lovely to see you so happy & "up", gives sad sacks like me hope . But above all, I hope you're OK today.

watch hello! hope you are ok today. I agree with a lot of what has gone before, but wanted to expand a little, if i may?

Am I right in thinking that DD was home and upstairs? while not excusing mr (somewhat) lovely, I think that would be at the back of my mind throughout sex.

I tend to agree that a slap in the face while you've got someones penis near your mouth proably isn't the brightest thing to do. I can see that when one has been a lot kinky previously this is a testing of the line, and whilst, in an ideal situation, one would discuss beforehand, that doesn't always happen and one gets caught in the moment. I really dont want to make excuses for him (again...) but what kind of slap? playful? vicious? 'while I like rough sex and we have been slightly kinky, this is way off mark and he shouldn't have done it.' I agree, but he didn't know that. yes, he could have asked. he didn't.

Almost coming in you and you 'clenching' and that being your fault might be a problem. His retarded ejaculation problems really arent of your making. You being an accesory to him wanking himself off speaks of a porn-normalisation (these women are to look at, they dont participate with the masturbator) I would feel a bit used, but then I'd remember all the times he had (selfishly?) made me come.

i wouldn't appreciate references to other women while we were having sex.

I wouldn't have a problem with apology by email. That lets him order his thoughts and say what he has to say without being distracted. I would expect a follow-up phone call (which I might not take, dependant on my level of ire) or flowers or something additional.

sigh I dunno. theres a lot to think about here....