Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I don't express myself well with words so I do abstract? photography to express myself, as a teen a did pottery. My creations are dark/upsetting but much more emotive than I am verbally. Art therapy is a good extra therapy.

Sorry MN just kicked me off - how rude.

Tombliboo - I refused to set foot into group therapy (I know that says more about me). In my frank opinion, group therapy is an easier way to meet the 'therapy' need not the 'Tombliboo' need. One-on-one was very, very beneficial to me. I wouldn't think about hypnotherapy, it is not a safe place at this point. One-to-one definitely. Rape Crisis as Dotty says - even if you phone them and get more info about accessing other ways.

Group therapy is not helpful to many people for many different reasons. To some it is a lifeline. However, I know I'm here, but I will not lay out my most horrific life experiences and wounds to be picked over by someone who was there for OCD or agoraphobia (for example) - my everything screams 'it's not safe here' because it too much intrusion. I'd have told them personally but I can get a little prematurely bolshy.
With proper Tombliboo focused therapy you are in a safe place, you are the leader and stop means stop. As Dotty said finding someone qualified to work with PTSD patients may help enormously in a very different way to group.

What do you think about the group vs individual dynamic? Do you think it would be something you could start to articulate in safety and privacy?

Pets as Therapy. No freakin joke.

My art is not good but I agree with coffee. In fact I have an albums of headstones/graveyard shots that are the most beautiful I've ever done. I tend to focus on animals though. I think I use it as hope building now - I can pin down what freedom feels like to me using it. Having these methods evolves with you I find.

The biggest problems with the group therapy I had was 1. it was run by CAMHS 2. it was partly run by a male CPN who I did not like.

I remember sitting curled up in a chair most of the time, don't get me wrong I wanted to talk it through but couldn't everyone there knew what had happened to them I didn't never even knew how it started as my first memory of it happening it was already 'normalised'.

Was only when the CPN turned around and said to me aged 24 that he had known me through different groups since the age of 17 and that I'd never opened up that I went home and wrote the bastard a letter the letter was easy posting it was hard. I thought I'd dealt with it by doing that but it ate me up on the inside.

I finally told DH today why I didn't like certain 'positions' when we're intimate he was really understanding and wanted to know why I never told him I only realised last year it was actually whilst making the statement lots of other things came flooding back as well through the DC asking the right questions in the right way.

I'm a hypnotherapist and I also wouldn't recommend it as a form of therapy on its own for abuse survivors. It has its place, in a therapeutic relationship but it needs to be very carefully used.
Any memories than emerge through regression hynosis are likely to be discounted in court. That said, it has helped me a great deal, but I ended up suicidal when too many memories came out at once.

Thanks for the support. Not much real life support, even my solicitor doesn't believe me. My sister jumped back on her broomstick tonight too and is reporting me to social services again. For nothing, as usual, but the extra stress is too much :(

This is very morbid sorry, but I keep thinking back to when I was 8 and was stood on the roof of our house thinking about jumping (well being encouraged to by my sister really) and wondering why I didn't.
I'm still battling on all these years later. I still have a glimmer of hope that things will get better, but i've no idea why.

I would love to see them Cofee. If that would be ok with you?

Dotty - I also agree with that. There has to be enough mutual connection to feel ok with it. Not possible - for me - in a group at that time.

Because they will Amitola - don't let go of that hope please

May I ask why you are involved with your sister? Apologies if I've missed something, feel free to ignore np.

Amitola can I have your opinion on something then?

I have had difficulty with the groups I've been in but I think that's because I was given a borderline pd label and people treated me accordingly. I used to write poetry and drew for a while but they were very dark. I sing and the songs I do best are the ones about pain and being hurt.
Thank you for chatting to me everyone. I must try to get some sleep now. Take care x

Goodnight Tombliboo x

Yes dotty

NicNoc - because her and my mother apeared back on the scene a few weeks back once they found out my ex had left. I didn't have the strength to get shot of them too. I opened the door to find my mother there and said 'you've got to be fucking joking' she just walked in and a few days later my sister drove 300 miles to my house and started bossing me about and telling me what to do again. I need my mother as a guarantor to get out of this house and away from my ex. She was making an effort to be normal and nice but something obviously annoyed that mad one today so she is up to her old tricks.
Time to get shot of them again I guess and be competely on my own.

OK always wanted to do regression hypnosis I NEED to know how old I was when it started and what he actually did apart from the basics I remember very little. Do you think I'll get answers that way? I know it will cause me more pain but I am someone who has to know the answer to things.

Hmmm. I see. It seems your sister is the well poisoner, why has she been behaving like this against you for so long 'on the roof...encouraged by your sister' her deal is the really confusing thing for me.

I am making no comment either way I was genuinely, and only, enquiring so I could understand. It is your choice, only you know what's right for you with the complexities. I can help but feel she's got issues. And I'm not sure we would get on. Other than that I'm merely trying to get up to speed. Some call it being nosey, I certainly don't mean it that way.

Dotty when you are hypnotised you bypass the part of your brain that keeps things in your unconscious rather than your conscious mind. This will only happen though if you feel safe and comfortable. If you really want to know this information the memories will come out, but they may come out after your session. If you feel unsafe and not really ready, you are likely to have a bad reaction and feel quite scared. You would just come out of the trance and protect yourself though so that is nothing to worry about.

When I did it through hypnosis I asked the lady to unblock the memories for me, but they started to come out later that day. I remember being in the bathroom and was suddenly hit by a load of images and memories. I'm glad I was because these were the main bits that I had been blocking out, but it was hard to deal with.

I would recommend making some time for yourself afterwards so you have time to process things. You would also need to be very clear with the therapist that you have had counselling and are prepared for what comes out. When I did my training we were advised to not work with survivors of abuse to begin with. I would now, because i'm a trained counsellor too.
It might be best to phone a couple of therapists and explain what you want and see what they say. I would only be willing to work with a client with memories like these after a full assessment and meeting to make sure we were compatible.

So the short answer, after all that waffle, is yes you will get your answers if you are ready for them. EMDR might help too because it reprogrammes the way the memories have been stored. It would be best to get them all out first though.
To be completely honest, I would say the fact that you really want to know means the memories are very close to coming out anyway. The hypnosis would probably just give you the comfortable and private setting to deal with them.

ooh secret, secret - an artist must never display until they are happy. No, quite right.
Imma go have a look if that's m'kay.

No its ok, you're right she has major issues. She was abused too but denies it and when I wentto the police went a bit crazy on me.
I don't want anything to do with her or my mother really, they are toxic and a dangerto my children. I just don't know how to get shot of them. All of the usual polite methods don't work.
I just feel really bad for my son because he likes them. He has lost his dad and is vulnerable, so they swoop in and play their mad mind games.
My mother is still with my abuser and denies it ever happened, so that doesn't make for a good relationship either.
I'm fed up of being made out to be the black sheep, i'm the only sane one and i need to get the hell away from the lot of them.

Where do the normal people live? How do I find them? haha

Thanks Amitola I'm going to give it until after it's over anyway been told if I'd already had done it they wouldn't of been able to use it as it's not admissable in court anyway because of the chance of false memories. I've always wanted to know but thought I was 4 now been told it's likely I was younger because it was so normalised at 4 years old.

Gd damnit I can't embiggen it but from what these withered eyes see it is beautiful. Not just beautiful but beautiful, there is a subtle but distinct difference as I hope you see.
I dearly wish I could see it properly and have a sit and ponder. If that's a show 'reject' then my goodness, there'll be snot everywhere. Better stock up on the kleenex methinks.

Amitola, I think you're right saying the memories will come when you're ready. I prefer to prepare myself and wait to see. That way I'm in control. I've done research on lots of therapy's but would not do hypnotherapy for abuse memories. I have been almost hypnotised and the memories must have been "just there" as I couldn't succumb. But again, just my opinion,

Nic wish you'd come round and choose the exhibit ones!

Lol Amitola, you're asking me?! Buggered if I know.

Thing is I can totally see how dealing with what you are dealing with and the logistics of removing them from your lives is...superhuman frankly.

The only thing I can kinda get clear on is how under attack she felt when you took control back and then in going to the police she had her right to denial and silence ripped out from under her - she had to admit it to herself but then interestingly chose to lie. It is so sad she is allowing her life to be taken from her by making the short view choice. Sincerely sad. That doesn't excuse, or really explain, her ways though really.

That glimmer of hope is actually a little bigger than I first saw. A time limit presents itself, a countdown to not 'needing' them any more for house etc. And then make your move. Do it sooner whatever and I'll be shouting for you but practically speaking. I seem to be vindictive tonight 'they used you, you can bloody well use them back for a change - get what you want for yourself and DS' is what's ring-a-dinging in my head. maybe I was just born an onjectionable ass - good, it's done me lots of favours!!

Coffee - I couldn't though could I?! They need to be chosen for the story they tell about you, through your eyes, not what they say to me- pain can be beautiful but out of context it's a personal language that doesn't translate, it's foreign and hard to get right. It will never settle and be done because it won't be how it was meant to be. When you're looking at that perfect thing - a wall of truth, it will speak to everyone.

If anyone else chooses the story will be different and it just cannot be - you can't tell a tale and then have someone choose the chapters that make it because then there would be no soul, no sense and no direction.

I will gaze upon in mighty adoration pretending I'm artsy in a beret but only when you've written it.

Ditto wot Nic said, innit :o