Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Oh I'm so sorry dotty I have all my wires crossed . In that case her reaction towards you is really quite horrible. I could understand her being cold with you if it was her own husband up on charges but seeing as it's her BIL it really doesn't make sense.

I don't have contact with him but mum keeps trying to get me to meet with him. I see my younger sister often and I used to be obsessed with her safety when she still lived at home. She is very closed off about the past. He has a son now which worries me.

I'm so sorry Tombli, I'm wondering if she was abused too and if you could both bring charges against him but that would be a long way off.

Are you close to your sister and what would you like to have happen for you?

Big hugs, thats such an awful situation to be in, x

I wonder that too Coffee. We're close on the surface but when it comes to talking about anything of substance she's quite matter of fact about it being in the past and doesn't really engage any further than that. Part of me wants someone to reveal something but that's unlikely to happen. We used to be friends with the children next door and they are in one of my images. They moved away and I recently sent them both a fb message to ask if they remembered anything. One replied with no and I didn't hear from the other one.

That's sad to hear, each of you is probably at different healing stages, if at all.

What do you hope could happen to bring some peace to you, in an ideal world?

Hi everyone

Tombliboo, Amitola hi, we haven't met yet but hugs anyhoo.

Tombliboo - I agree with coffee but I don't excuse it. Mostly because I've been where you are and if my daughters were in my position I would go full on kamikazee for them. It has haunted me for a long time. I'm sorry.

Amitola - My gods - the fuckers. How dare they? No more pertinnet advice but I just want you to know I'm so in your corner I'm probably messing up your hair. It's useless but just courage mon brave. I'm so angry for you - you shouldn't have to carry this on your shoulders

Dotty - what shit. Again agree that passing the logistics of dealing with this should be passed on to the people working with you on your case. Explain the situation to them and see whatthey could provide. You shouldn't have to deal with this as well.

Coffee- What wonderful news. Get lost in the music, breathe with it until everyone melts away. Or MN and make us all terribly, terribly you can do it.

I want to get to the bottom of it so I can move on. I often wish I could travel back in time to see how things were.

Nic it just passes over me doesn't bother me really had a cry in supermarket when it happened but bumped into a couple I know and they calmed me down told me she was on rhe end of the phone if I needed her but don't have her number anyway. It sounds far worse than it is Monday is going to be really hard don't know what questions she has to ask me.

Sometimes a large part of moving on has to be accepting we will never know things. Things will come to you when they're ready and you will piece things together. But it sounds like your mother is really not an ally in this - she is actively encouraging you to meet up with him. I suspect her coping method has been to deny, deny, deny. If she would go for therapy the nprogress amy be found but it sounds like she's in this for the long haul.

I know what went on, I can remember every second - I spend my life forgetting. I did want to know why the collusion with the people that must have known but I never will. I could not let that uncertainty and painful curiosity keep dragging me back to that place.

Not helpful, I'm sorry. Do you have access to somebody very used to treating us? Someone that maybe has the experience/confidence to help you go a bit further. I totally understand what you're saying btw I'm just wondering as it wasn't a facet of consideration for me.

Tombli, do you think you could do that in therapy, I can understand you need to know what level/type of abuse happened. Rape crisis would be able to help you, either providing councelling or pointing you in the right direction. Getting strong in yourself and fighting your corner might give confidence to the others but you would have to wait for them to come to you.

Nic, there's still tickets available I will be too busy to mn hopefully and won't make you jealous I never thought I would win

I actually don't know what's worse not knowing a lot like me or knowing every sordid detail like a friend of mine does she says not knowing is worse as you never know when a memory will emerge.

Dotty - washing over you is good. I'm cross you were put in the position but I don't know what they're dealing with to make them behave like this. Uncertainty is never easy to deal with and you are doing brilliantly. It is soon to be Monday, it will be hard, yes but then that will be over, no more of this suspense. It will probably leave you immersed in things but you can move through that again. This anticipation and anxiety is likely worse as there is nothing that can be reasoned/confronted about it- no known variables. But it is not indefinite - dealing with Monday will be easier than you are being made to feel right now. Take the space you need.

Oh well jel Coffee (is that the hip way now [dodders off to look for ticket info] )

No that is helpful Nic. Just being understood helps. I'm having group therapy at the moment and it's ending soon. Their opinion is that my therapy lies in living life because I don't connect with people very well. I did wonder about hypnotherapy but was advised against it.

I'm sorry they think that Tombli, lots of people don't connect, it doesn't mean they shouldn't try to deal with things. Who is providing your therapy?

I think you are connecting here brilliantly so lets try to do something to help you.

It's nhs coffee.

Ahh, and I presume that the group has many different reasons for being there. Have you had specific help for the abuse?

Tombli I'm thinking of hypnotherepy but once it's over some things I NEED to know x

No I haven't coffee. I've avoided talking about it until now. They're more interested in why I feel I can't talk about it.

Tombli it's normal to not talk about it ffs it's not easy took me 26 years after remembering to talk group therepy is shite I was great at helping others but not myself.

That's what I've always been like in therapy dotty.

Would you consider individual therapy?

If you too, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Individual therapy should be led by you, you can discuss what you want. I have and have only touched the basics and covered more about tools I can use to cope. It depends what you want.

I would not recommend hypnotherapy for abuse memories but thats my opinion, I've researched it and many other things and found too much against hypnotherapy.

Tombli I finished my first lot of counselling with rape crisis about 4 weeks ago it was brilliant hard at first very emotional. If it goes to court I just need to phone up if I need more and can see the same counsellor she is also a PTSD counseller which really helped as I did display some symptoms but still not sure I had it. If you need proper counselling I couldn't recommend them enough xx

I have had individual therapy coffee but that was a long time ago. The trouble is I want to try to talk about it but it's like i can't express it.

Thank you dotty. I will look into it x