Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I genuinely believe I went through it for a reason and i'm ok with what happened to me now. I'm not ok that I can't get justice and i'm not ok that he and his cronies got away with it. I'm not ok that millions suffer abuse and society still pushes it under the carpet and turns a blind eye. I'm not ok that people think it is something that we can just put behind us and i'm not ok with the fact that there is very little support and appropriate psychological help for survivors.
I do wish I had a caring loving family who hadn't done this to me, but I don't so i'll make the best of what I do have.
I've worked bloody hard for quite a few years to get to this point and I know i'm only still here because someone saved me when I was at my lowest points.
My abuse is and will always be a part of me so i'm going to turn it into something good.
Yes they are evil bastards and none of us deserved it, but we can all heal from it and create the sort of life we always deserved :) x

I'm ok thanks, still battling on with the court and SS stuff but with a new positive frame of mind. cough Ignoring the tantrum I had this morning cough

Even just thinking about helping other survivors is a positive that has come out of it, so there is a reason. Also this thread is helping people and getting the subject out there where it belongs.
The underlying real reason is some humans are just sick bastards and we are all being well and truly failed by the powers that be. But bugger that, lets do positivity and see the good, even if its just a tiny little glimpse shining through all the shit :)

and no i'm not drunk or high in case anyone was wondering haha

I thought you were making stone cold sober sense and I agree.

Did you have words at someone this morning :o

I'm ok coffee thanks just tired

Have put a pic of the view from my office chair on my profile :o

Coffee I'm not religious either just a figure of speech that I thought appropriate at the time IYSWIM. That view is lovely its a beuatiful part of the world.
My sister phoned me tonight as I was down not eaten proper since Friday made a roast yesterday ate to mouthfuls anyway she proceeded to go on and on about work, as usual need support not that she's always been quite self centred then after that she asked me did I feel better what the hell do you say to that I never got a word in edgeways.

My other sister phoned last week as she needed someone to talk to she'd texted me earlier in the week upset and not realised what day it was and I got upset as I blamed myself for something that wasn't anything to do with this I listened to her and then I talked and it was nice to help each other, but she'd been to the one who called me tonight and got all about herself instead of her listening sometimes all you need is a friendly ear. xx

How's everyone doing today? I haven't been around much because the weather is absolutely glorious and DS and I have been out almost all day. He's conked out asleep now so I'm chilling for a bit. I can't believe how hot it is. The sun has cheered me up no end :)

Just a quick message to any lurkers out there - if you'd like to post, please do, there will always be someone here to listen.

I'm up in Edinburgh for our weekly meal out and then bingo. Was doing my impression of a bitter and twisted old woman this morning all over the fact I was denied an education over my precious other brother. We moved to Scotland when I was 15 because he was already here in lodgings and they weren't happy with it different education system altogether so never got to do my O levels or achieve anything.

I feel like the abuse I suffered stood in the way of me achieving my potential too dotty. It's something I can't help feeling angry about.

Love Edinburgh.

I still don't believe I've ever had potential.

You both can still reach your potential, don't let the bastards stop you.

Dotty, you can go back to studying.

Cailin, do you want to join the writers thread?

I've outed myself so may nc.

I had forgotten about the writers thread Coffee, could you give me a link to it?

If you'd feel better after a namechange it might be a good call.

How did you out yourself? DS's SW said about college don't know if I've got the confidence to go or how much it would cost my sister reckoned I should go do painting and decorating which I enjoy taught myself to do most DIY jobs or plastering reckons folk would employ a woman. Just want to feel useful instead of a waste of space.

You can get a learning grant for £200 to do a course, good idea for getting back into studying. I did a massage course and loved it. Atm it's renewed yearly. If not OU does cheap courses or free depending on your income.

[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/creative_writing/1377323-For-anyone-else-who-wants-to-start-progress-finish-writing-a-book-in-2012 books]]

I was trying to help someone but my trust levels for everyone are through the floor atm

Works differently in Scotland for education

Dotty, thats where I am.

writing

ahem.

D'you know my paranoia is ridiculous

eeeee

Sorry slow tonight with you now. DD2 just texted me she came home from chippy and DS has shaved his fucking head I could cry she sent me a photo.

I arranged a counselling session for this afternoon. With everything that has been going on I really needed it and was looking forward to talking to someone who would actually listen to me. When I got there he wasn't there and he didn't phone me until an hour later. I didn't even bother answering the phone. I think this is the last time I will place my trust in another human being, he said he would be there when I needed him but he couldn't even stick to an agreed appointment.
I fucking hate people.

Dotty I spat my tea on the screen

Ami, don't give up, something might have happened, suicidal patient, witnessed a car accident, mother died, got diahorea(sp?) at least see what he has to say.

My dv neighbour has moved so I was outside when another neighbour started shouting at his kid to shut up! the kid and I gave them the dirtiest look ever, the mother looked so ashamed and picked the kid up. I need to move because the police will get fed up of my [cat's bum face]

The kid cried.

I dispare of the human race sometimes.

Were home now and his hair is a fecking mess. Fuming with him but he's 17 with the mind of a possible 9/10 year old.

Boys amaze me sometimes Dotty, every single one of ds's male friends have all been to a+e for head injuries whilst the females just tell stories of falling on their arse!

I did half fall out of a tree once, got my leg stuck between a branch and hung upside down

Where'd you go in Edinburgh? there's a divine little restaurant just round the corner to deacon brodies expensive though

Melville Inn its one of the Vintage inn chain their always nice in there. He's had a busted finger and busted collar bone didn't know about that for 3 days he like lots with Autism have a high pain tolerance not always good. Eldest DD has broke both arms twice,leg , fingers and toes as well as other injuries youngest hasn't had serious injuries god knows how as she's had chests of drawers pulled on her fed mushrooms out of the garden head slammed into ground everything. Both girls have Irlens syndrome one part is clumsyness wee yin also has sunlight allergy polymorphic light eruptions skin blisters really badly, eyes close up if she uses sun cream its much worse as it reacts need to get her checked by specialist as don't want her at risk of skin conditions when she's older.

You can get clothes with sunblocking properties now, pure linen is good for that too. I've an excessive amount of moles and cba to sunscreen everywhere, wide brimmed hats are good although people take the piss