Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I've was told to think about compensation back in January by the DC who's coming to see me Monday told her I didn't want a penny of him but was told its not his buit the criminal injuries compensation board he won't know but it somehow feels wrong to do.

Well done for confronting your abuser pillow.

Wanting revenge or your abuser to pay for the pain and turmoil they put you through is normal.Personally,I didn't want revenge as such I wanted take the control back and my voice to be heard.

That's not much to want in the grand scheme of life,is it?

Why can't you tell your mother pillow? If your abuser decides to take his life,that's his choice just like it was his choice to break the law and abuse you.

Have a voice,if you want to shout about your stolen childhood from the roof tops-do so! Take back the control and decide what YOU want and how YOU want to deal with it.

It's time to stop being controlled by fear and shame and secrets

Thoughts x

Ps dotty,I had a criminal compensation payout after my court case.I felt odd about it at first but then thought about all the jobs I lost,the depressions,the hell of getting out of bed and the struggle and thought why the fuck not?

You can also sue your abuser via a lawyer for damages.

Been struggling to do stuff this last few months gotten worse now was ok but I'm back to lying on my bed with my boy since I found out I have rthe statement to do worried how intimate the questions are going to be.

Moomenny did you get any justice in that did he do time if so how long sorry for asking. And how long ago was it I've been told mines under special measures so won't face him.

Thats an excellent point Moomenny.

Personally the financial impact on my life of dissociation, ptsd, depression and suicide attempts has been devastating. The societal impact of my mental health problems has been devastating. It's the same for all survivors.

You have the right to decide what you want.

Put yourself first.

My abuser did not go to prison but pleaded guilty in crown court and was put on the sex offenders list and had to attend sex offenders rehabilation.

I don't want to go in great details,not because it's a secret but I don't want you to think negatively before your court case.

What professional support do you have Dotty?

I wasn't able to work because of DS but I hid the depression well from everyone until recently beginning to think my friend is right about the PTSD as I'm back to the losing myself shaking from the inside sounds bizarre I know even dreading going out again really thought I was ok now just a fucking screw up

Just the DC now she phones every fortnight I finished counselling a month ago dr was pleased with me 2 weeks ago said I don't need to go back for 3 months and can try reducing the meds in 2. Really sorry for asking you.

Please do call your out of hours gp if you are feeling like you are losing your grip-think most of us have been there and it's nothing to be ashamed of,make sure you ask for help!

Get back to your gp and ask about counselling if you aren't already receiving some.be honest and say how you feel.

I've just got this book from the library and it's been really helpful

X

Don't apologise dotty (squeeze)

Not losing my grip just disappearing into myself done it my whole life people would talk to me and I wouldn't hear them family used to say I was in my own world been told its part of dissasociation now. Know I didn't remember him hurting me as a child but I have now felt the pain like someone putting a red hot poker inside me must of done it then as well probably why I was never frightened of him.

How you doing Pillow? hope you're ok, keep posting if you can.

ello, I did it again.

Got raving drunk and shagged somone I don't even fancy.

I feel like I have no soul. I feel used and alone. I hate my life and just want to curl up in a ball and not wake up. I hate this, I really hate this. I even drunk dialled my ex and woke the kids up. I stink, the house stinks. I look about a hundred. I feel like this is how it will be forever.

I'm strangely not suicidal. I feel like I'm in limbo. I have no urge to do anything, anything at all. I feel like I could never move again.

Hi Stuck, you can change things, you have the power to turn things around, you can stop the destruction and come out the other side.

What triggered you getting drunk last night?

StuckintheBellJar

You've got a hangover right? Vile things full of panic,remorse and guilt-it will pass. This will not be you forever,not if you don't want it to be.

Day one huh? Can you manage a shower or a bath?

And some food, clean clothes.

thanks Moomenny I'm not the best support going :o

I've tried. I've tried so hard to move on. To shake this and be normal. I only ever wanted the simle life. A home, a family.

Even my cat is sick. Nothing is right. Nothing. I'm 32 and feel like I've lost any chance to have the life I want. It's gone. All of it.

I've no idea why I got drunk. Because I could. I was alone. I couldn't see why not. I rang someone, dragged them over and shagged them. It was horrible. It's always horrible.

Three bottles of wine. How the fuck did I drink that? I should be dead.

I'm going to be harsh and say throw away the booze, now, today.

You can turn things around, I've been in your shoes and come out the other side, but YOU have to take control, you deserve it.

There is usually someone here to talk to if you feel lonely, or samaritans, if you reach out people will help.

Are you getting any councelling at the moment?

Oh, I've woken up before covered in vomit holding a litre bottle of neat vodka, not nice and nothing to be proud of.

No, I haven't been able to bring myself to go for counselling. Somebody will find out I'm going and want to know why. It's also very difficult to get time off work for medical appointments.

I really am a waste of space. So many amazing, strong women on this thread. I can't be like that. I have nothing left to give.

Coffee you is just fine

stuck- nothing is lost,you just haven't found what you are looking for yet.I know this sounds cliche but there is no point in beating yourself over your choices from last night,last night has gone you can't undo it but you can change the here and now.

See if you can manage some food like coffee said,it always helps a raging hangover even if you are feeling queasy,if you can manage a bath or shower that would be refreshing.dont lay there over thinking,you'll drive yourself up the wall with it.

You can get through this,you really can! (I'm 36 and only just woken up to life)

X

Stuck, you can turn things around, believe me, start today, you can and do deserve better and people will help.

You are just as strong and amazing as everyone else on the thread/lurking.

You are amazing.

Can you make some eggy bread? and get yourself showered and dressed for starters? one step at a time, x hugs