Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 4

[CailinDana]

The first three parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I had an egg earlier. Made the man a full breakfast but couldn't eat much myself.

I've been making an effort to eat properly lately. People were starting to comment on the weightloss and I can't be arsed to explain.

totally agree with coffee.

Stupid thing is, I hadn't thought much about my step father in years. Then I went through a very nasty break up involving prositutes. It seemed to bring it all flooding back.

You don't have to explain jack shit.

Someone said to me a few months back 'you've got to start loving yourself'

Hit a nerve with me.

Treat yourself kindly today huh

Its never to late to start your life over you don't need time off work for counselling either it can be evening or weekends I'm 41 and although I'm struggling just now I will beat this and win he won't believe in yourself we do xxx

You don't have to explain anything, at all.

Have you washed and dressed and fed your cat? what's he/she called?

Remember baby steps one day at a time xx

Cat got fed. I'm so paranoid about being outed on here that'd I'd rather not say her name. Daft or what.

I'm currently lying on the sofa. (The same sofa where IT happened twenty years ago). Stinking to high heaven. Will go and wash soon.

Can I make a suggestion?

Get rid of that sofa if funds allow,I'd be burning the bastard with glee.

Funds do allow.

I'm just very careful with money and don't really care much what my home looks like as there is only me in it. Cat doesn't care.

I'm very grateful for people to listen to me. even online.

I'm sure cat would lurve a new sofa to shed hair on and claw

I have a0 stupid animal question is it just my boy [cat] that knows when your down and comes to give you cuddles.

Nah, she's lying in a sunbeam on the other side of the room. Probably because I stink of the strange man she didn't like! Very shy cat.

I'm moving next month. Good excuse for new sofa.

This surreal. I stink of booze and sex and am sofa shopping online.

Cat is eating my breakfast that I left. Happy cat.

How is everyone else today?

:o my cat has an online name (she's recently deceased, I'm a wuss)

Definately burn that bloody sofa, get a bean bag for a few weeks.

Nothing nicer than a new home with new untainted stuff. Have you decorating plans?

Join the cat in the sunbeam they're not daft

Glad we could be there for you, stay strong ok?

I think I'll call her The Help on here. She's doing the washing up for me.

I'm sorry to hear about you're cat. I've had them die on me and really is heart breaking. I hope she had a peaceful end.

I'm having a decorating party. Am going to pay my friends in wine to decorate. Actually we'll probably just drink the wine and I'll get a decorator in.

:o [non alcoholic sangria] keep the new place untainted, ok?

I'm avoiding decorating and faffing with my art project.

Probably a good idea. Moving will help I think. I lived here with an ex and it ended badly. The sofa I was given. I just thought, woo free sofa. Maybe it's haunted by the tosser.

Sounds like a nice way to spend a Saturday afternoon, Coffee.

I finally got in the shower at about 2 o'clock not been like that for weeks, bagged a load of rubbish in garden done all the washing transplanted some plants and rescued some bulbs that where growing under the fence. It blew down in winter and had to be repaired so moved slightly.

Would be if I could make a decision :o

Make this new home a fresh start for you, things you've chosen flea markets and charity shops are good for stuff quirky Fill it with safe beautiful things, spend time on the garden if you've got one. Buy TheHelp some things, spend time making curtains.

Make it yours, where you're safe. Be picky who you invite there. Come on here if you feel lonely.

Sorry you've had such a shit time but you can make things better.

How about a wash and some fresh air?

Wow you've been busy Dotty! That list knackered me just reading it.

I'm actually looking forward to having a garden. I've lived in a first floor flat for a few years and I really miss having some green space of my own. It's barely a postage stamp but it will be mine. Hope the Help doesn't have a nervous breakdown though. Speaking of which, I tried to cuddle her and she ran away. A shower methinks.

Good luck with the project Coffee, are you an artist?

You are all wonderful.

Few weeks back I could of done twice that but shakes are back can only do bits at a time then a wee rest and more I've learned to listen to my body.

I just typed a really long rant and my adorable little 8 month old son pressed something and its gone. Grrrrr

Just when I think things couldn't get any worse, the thing that gave birth to me strikes again!! Amongst many other things, she said I was evil for giving my father a heart attack. I'm a terrible mother because I know nothing about nurturing, just like her. Erm no thats just you bitch, my children have a good mother!! I have a duty to be respectful and polite to her. Ha fucking ha, yes you try to kill me and I have to be polite, I think not! Oh and i'm the rudest person she has ever met - oh really, well I doubt anyone else has suffered what you have done you crazy mad woman who should be locked away or better still, dead!
Oh and i'm being reported to social services by them again, for drinking one small glass of wine whilst having a bubble bath. Apparently that makes me an alcoholic.
When will the bastards die?? seriously, when will I get the chance to have a normal life?? Rahhhhhhh!!!

SW will tell them to sling their hook was it your father that abused you? sorry can't remember if you said. x