Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

Smelling coffee
Classical music
Being wrapped in a nice blanket
The breeze from an open window
Cuddling a teddy bear

Morning all.

To answer your question Karma, nothing really makes me feel better, I just have to ride it out.

Morning.
CD - oh god yes the paperwork & the language eeek! They are freaking me out.
Weve got the help of relocation company & possibility of relocation package/sponsor with husbands work which will help. If i find the right therapist, Id like to try and tackle my complete in-abilty to be taught anything & my lack of beleif that I could actually learn a whole new skill.
With a bit of work and a whole new enviroment Im hoping it will be easier for me. Ill learn from my kids too, hopefully it will second nature to them.

Karma - I cook
smoke weed
Im trying to make time to paint, but I struggle with the whole self indulgence of being an artist, although my husband insists that I am. This does help when I push myself to do it. I try not to be alone, im terrible in my own company. ive waited & watched the kids asleep hoping theyll wake up soon so i dont have to be alone.

Hope everyone is ok today, this nice weather really helps me, winters are really rubbish.

This thread is fab.

I did end up phoning the Samaritans once on an especially bad day, but usually I like to sew and yes just 'be' if I'm feeling rough. Unfortunately it also means I can get very anti-social.

Plink I get exactly what you are saying about being your own best friend - I think my problem is I go too far the other way and find maintaining friendships with other people really difficult. I hate to be hurt by other people or hurt other people myself and don't deal with it well, I start to internalise it, start question what's wrong with me etc etc.

Haven't tried smoking weed yet though

The weather helps a hell of a lot.

I agree the weather helps so much. DS is delighted at being able to go out in the garden so much. I give him a pot of water and he puts stones and leaves into it and stirs it to make a "soup" :) I must get him a paddling pool.

The one good thing about all the paperwork of moving Laminator is that it forces you to finally sort out things you've been putting off for ages. I know for some that can seem horrible but for me it was great to finally put all my documents in order and to start afresh in a new system where I was forced to understand what was going on, unlike back in Ireland where I just bumbled along and let things drift. It's great that you might have a relocation package, that'll help a lot. When we moved the last time (one of many moves) we hired a moving company who would do all the packing for us and it was worth every penny. If your DH's job are willing to take on some of the cost of that I would definitely recommend it - I just tidied in the weeks coming up to the move and lived as normal until the moving day, then they just sorted everything. Bliss!

I can totally relate to the "self indulgence" thing. I write, and absolutely love it. DH reckons I'm talented but I just cannot force myself to commit time to it, even though he is quite willing to help me do that. I have total mental block, it feels like I'm wasting time and being ridiculously selfish. I think it's all part of my control issues, and my tendency to restrict "treats."

Self soothing/ grounding are tips like stomping your feet so the flashback doesn't have as much control over you. It has taken me about a year to learn the basics. Doesn't make it better just more in control.

Avalon, I was like that, unable to sustain friendships. I have had to be shown how to be a friend. I'm lucky atm that for the first time I have people in RL who value me and genuinely care! It's is un natural but I'm starting to like it.

Cailin, don't answer if you don't want to, I'm not a talented writer but do have the "block".

Do you think the mental block is to do with being a mum or because of the abuse?

I can sit for half an hour and write a childrens story but can't get into anything deep. To non writers when I write I "lose" myself in the story, become the story. I'm assuming it's something to do with the part of the brain where the flashbacks come from?

Hello ladies

My counsellor told me to sit with both feet on the floor for grounding.

A great thing she taught was 7/11 breathing - in for 7 out for 11 - to your own count - this for me has been the one thing that can bring me out of a full blown panic attack. She says it's the breathing pattern of a sleeping baby.

Hi all, am reading but not really up to posting at the moment. Just came on to say that I've read a few chapters of my book, The Emotionally Absent Mother and for me, it's spot on. It's like the author was there watching my mother and I whilst I was growing up, noticing all the ways in which my needs were unmet by my mother and describing it all in a way I have been unable to articulate myself.

Hard to say Plink. I've had the block since before DS was born, so I can't attribute it solely to being a mum. I'm not sure it's entirely due to the abuse either, I think it's more due to my parents who never encouraged me and made me believe that I was just wasting my time. I can still write, I just struggle to devote enough time to it.

That's interesting about the book jasmine. I wonder if I might benefit from it. Could you tell me a bit about it? What rang true with you?

Music - minuet from Berenice Handel
Trumpet tune and air - J Clarke
Trumpet voluntary - J Clarke

for coming in to church

Wedding march by Mendelssohn for going out

Please avoid Vidor's toccata - sounds like cinema organ music to me

For the service - for rousing hymm, how about Love Divine, but to the tune Blaenwern rather than the tune Love Divine

Sorry, but after 10 years in a church choir, I always hated the Crimond version of psalm 23, much prefer psalms chanted - psalm 121 is the traditional wedding one.
We also didn't like Praise my Soul, as it was really hard on the men's voices as many of the verses are in unison.

During the signing of the register, you could have something like God be in my head, or Come Holy Ghost, our souls inspire, both of which are traditional wedding anthems.

That book sounds interesting I'm off to Amazon.

Just started reading The Courage to Heal its making me take a good hard look at myself remembered a few things because of it. Realised I'm not as far forward as I thought I was. On the plus side had a lovely day with some fellow SN mums/friends who also know my 'issues' that I'm going through.

CD, I think you would benefit because our mothers sound very similar. But I feel a bit overwhelmed by it all to post about which bits ring true with me, because so far it's all of it, every single word. Sorry that's not much help to you. If you take a look at the author's website you'll find more info there. It's Jasmin Lee Cori, like I said no connection to me, just a coincidence.

Jane, thank you.

Cailin, I'm so sorry your parents failed you, you are worth supporting 1000% they don't realise how stupid they are.

Jasmine, it's good when things start clicking, glad you're finding answers.

Dotty, sounds like a good day, hope the book helps you further forward.

A year ago I felt like there was no hope, no future, just pain. Through therapy, on my own, with professionals and finally by reaching out to others my life has started to turn around. If I can do that anyone can.

Jasmine, thats a good website www.jasmincori.com/

I talked to my therapist about the sexual abuse today!! I posted before about how she didn't seem open to hearing it. But it was fine

Brilliant! Well done Karma Did you feel she understood what you were saying?

Yes it was a much deeper session. She also offered to reduce her fee from £30 to £25. I didn't ask her to she just said that if it would help my finances then she is happy to offer a concession.

I'm so pleased for you, Karma. Did you manage to raise the ghostly husband?

eek, that sounded like you were conducting a seance

LOL Garlic. No! I will raise the ghostly husband next week. I don't think he was in there this week

Nhan, I'm NOT an expert but my suggestion is to talk with him about being scared of daddy. If he's feeling real fear and translating that into monsters, he won't make the connection himself so there's not much point talking about the night terrors (other than to comfort him, of course).

It could be something as simple as a story that has scared him. However, if he's afraid of being alone with his father, I'd suggest stopping contact and getting further advice on the basis of your son's anxiety.

Sorry for you - it must be so upsetting.

I agree with Garlic, Nhan