Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

Oh Nhan, you are all going through a lot. You've recently split from your partner? new baby, have you moved. Have you and your partner fought, does he have your son and shout if something goes wrong.

Many children get scared with change, maybe now things are settling down the scared feelings are coming out.

Getting books about daddy leaving, new babies etc and spending time reading and allowing your son to talk can pin point exactly where things are coming from. A certain amount of regression is ok.

Well done Karma :) two steps forward.

I got offered a dream job today, still feel panicky.

Nhan, if you're thinking abuse

Check underwear for bleeding
Check body when bathing
Get a book about nighttime monsters, let him help you read and see if he relates anything to a RL person.

Do you still get the red development book. I think there's something in that about age related talk for teaching kids about inappropriate touching.

If he says something definate get social services.

Or it could be seperation anxiety, he might be scared his dad won't come back and his half brother has stolen his dad?

That sounds wonderful Plink. Are you going to take the job?

Yep, my future has opened up :)

:)

NHAN, you could try role play with him, where he's daddy and you're him. He might re enact what might have happened to him. Or you could use a teddy as him. I'm sure this is what child psychologists do with young children.

PP, thanks for posting that link, I'm posting from my phone so bit tricky to do any thing complicated like links.

And well done on your job. It's totally understandable to feel panicky. But you will be fine. In fact you will be brilliant.

Congratulations, Plink! You are worth it. Otherwise they wouldn't have offered it to you :)

Moring all.
Well done to Plink & Karma :) Power to you!
Avalon - not that i would condone illegal activities on an open forum... but, neither me or husband have got on with ads and other meds as syptoms are not consistant. My depression hits in short dark bouts & ive struggeled with long term meds & the fact that other feelings emotions are bloked by these (for me anyhow) Weed helps as a leveller, similar to a glass of wine at the end of the day so many people use...I dont drink any more. I find it stops my mind from reeling & helps me consentrate. My husband has a stutter, this disapears after a spliff. We have an ethical supply & stay away from crazy strong new stains. Just bog standard grow in the greenhouse stuff. Neither of us are big stoners and prefare a gentle buzz to being wiped out.

Good point about getting stuff sorted CD. There are a lot of loose ends that need tying up, both me & husband need to do some adminastrative cleansing :)
I still have documants in my old married name etc, time to get shut.
Well be greatful of the help with paper work etc, but we will be doing the packing & moving ourselves. Dont think I could hand this over to anyone else. (control freak!!) Were packing a van & driving across europe :)

I want to say thanks to you all again for this thread. Cant explain how much help it has been. Me & my husband have read bits together. I know it has been a help to him. he has been relutant to seek councelling for himself, insiting I`m more important... I beleive we all have equal importance in our family. I think he will be looking into joining a group when we return from our holiday.

Away for a week now, going to look at schools & towns around them.

We wish you all well, and will check in on our return x

Congratulations on the job Plink, that's great news! I hope it goes really well.

I'm glad you had a better session Karma, do you think you'll carry on with that counsellor?

I'm so sorry to hear you have all that worry go on with your son Nhan. What concerns did you have before? Would it be worth talking to your ex about it, see what his opinion is?

Have a great holiday Laminator :)

I've had anti-depressants myself before and always end up chucking them after a couple of weeks as I find they make me feel completely emotionally numb, and I end up acting like a robot on auto-pilot. So I completely see where you are coming from Laminator. I was advised to drink a cannabis concoction once because of my Asthma. It's a shame it's not being used for medical treatment in controlled situations and doses by clinicians.

This thread has made me start thinking that I do possibly need some on-going consistent therapy, but when I go to my doctors the process just takes soo long, and in the past I haven't clicked or felt understood by various counsellors. I wouldn't want to be disappointed again and left to drag myself up emotionally and get on with it on my own after weeks spilling my guts to strangers - it's really upsetting.

Congratulations Plink!

I feel the same about counselling Avalon. I had one bad experience with a counsellor that has made me very wary and at the moment I can't face the prospect of meeting with someone, letting it all out and then having to stop because it's not working.

Yes, trying to find a good counsellor is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I'm about to leave my current one. I had high hopes about her, but 6 weeks on, have sadly realised she's no good.

What don't you like about her Jasmine?

Anyone else here see a NHS psychiatrist? I see one (in addition to seeing a private therapist). He is a nice person but he seems really attached to giving people some kind of medication or other. It's reached a point where I have to pretend to him that I'm taking the anti-depressants he offered me. He gets a bit perturbed if patients aren't on some kind of medication or another.

"but 6 weeks on, have sadly realised she's no good."

in what ways is she lacking?

I have stayed away from this thread for a couple of days because it was making me feel uncomfortable. All the posters have their own stories and their own way of dealing with what happened to them. I don?t think a therapist would have helped us but that doesn?t mean I don?t think they can be useful. But I always remember a close friend who had a therapist for years to help her deal with abuse she thought she could remember from a relative when she was pre-school. She eventually spoke to her mother about it and had it proved to her that her relative she was ?remembering? had died when she was less than 1 year old. So she had probably been blaming the wrong person for years.

and your point is?

I wonder what the story was behind this horrendous crime?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2122709/Schoolgirl-12-encouraged-boy-rape-11-year-old-girl-DARE-told-finished-wanted-stop.html

Karma, there's a saying along the lines of "Psychologists talk, psychiatrists prescribe." They come from different directions - a psychiatrist is a qualified medical doctor with psychiatry as her/his specialism. A clinical psychologist does her medical training as an add-on to psychology. They seem to make a reasonable team! My psychiatrists have always prescribed medication AND therapy, which I'm sure is pretty normal.

1980, surely an adult who sought treatment for abuse suffered as a small child can be forgiven for being muddled about who the perpetrator was? Or it may have been the person who died when she was 1. I don't see your anecdote as invalidating your friend's suffering, or devaluing therapeutic treatment.

Thanks everyone, I'm panicky as it's the first step to my own business, I can cope, I can :)

1980 thats a good point to raise, I'm glad you are starting to open up to us. Trying to understand the world around us is so difficult and breaking down harmful coping mechanisms is the first step. Feeling confused about the world around you and trying to remedy things in yourself is good. One of the powers of abuse is ensuring people don't get help they need. Do you feel you're finding ways not to deal with it?