Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

We never had the sex talk either laminator mum was to embarrassed about it even when I started my periods I never knew what was happening dad found blood in the toilet and it was him who dealt with it I was 11, she would never of spoken about it. If I had had the talk I would of realized what I was doing was wrong.

Until recently I thought it was normal at the time but having spoken to my friend who went through the same but knew it was happening as her parents who where totally open and stopped staying at her grandfathers house.

I found out about periods from a friend when I was about 9 - I asked my mother about it and she said "yes that's right" and that was the sum total of any sex education I had. Oh yes she did ask me and my sister when were about 13 if we had any questions about sex, so I asked what an orgasm was . But that was it.

Hey, Dotty, you were not the one doing anything wrong.

I knew about periods, all of my peers stared way before me. My intense gymnastics training halted alot of my develpoment. I dint have any kind of shape apart from that of a very muscly little girl until I was 14, the year i gave up my training I grew a foot, boobs, hips & started my period.

I dont understand why she talked about periods but not sex?
It should be made law... especially for those with a catholic eduction, did they think it was going to be covered in school? Idiots.

...thats a foot in height, not an extra one :)

We where brought up catholic, friend was irish catholic also went to catholic schools until I was 15 things like that weren't covered in the 80's in most schools let alone catholic ones.

My sex education at home was hearing my parents very healthy sex life through paper thin walls. I can also vividly remember the cover of a porn mag i found in my parents wardrobe when I was about 6.

This is another reason i dont wont my kids getting too close. I wont have them stay over I hear them bonking like i had to do for years. i remember covering my head with pillows & humming to drown out the noise. i didnt know what it was, it frightened me when I was young It discused me when I was older.

Never once heard mine although she made me cringe the year dad died by telling me the last time 'they made love' could talk like that to me as an adult but when it mattered the most she let me down.

It is notable that just about everyone on this thread has parents who were either involved in the abuse or did nothing about it either at the time or later on when they were told. I do wonder if there are people out there who were abused but don't suffer the way we do because their parents noticed, helped them when they were young and so saved them from the fall out later.

you`d think it was the dark ages eh, Dotty. Nuts.
I doubt much has changed either, sadly :(

I used to feel like I was marked/damaged/spiritually dead, like I was just a shell with nothing inside. I was late starting periods, 14 years, I have always dressed quite manly, had short or bald hair, unable to be a woman.
Things are starting to change, someone in RL said CSA survivors are real life Angels as they've fought real life Demons, they were trying to find a truth behind the myth. I'm not religious but it kinda makes sense.
I'm more feminine now but I still need to accept myself as a woman.

Mind Laminator I don't know how old you are but this goes back nearly 30 years.

I've started a new thread here

Feel free to keep posting on this thread, I just wanted to start the new one in case I get sidetracked and this one fills up.

Didn't have sex education either.

Saying that it still goes on now with sex education/body awareness starting so young in schools

It really bothers me when parents are against sex education on the basis of keeping children "innocent." To me, all it does is keep children ignorant and open to abuse.

I've got into heated debate over this on here it is about body awareness in 5 year olds what is and isn't acceptable it can only be a good thing if it prevents it happening to more innocent children.

Ok let's decamp to the next thread here.

Mine had age appropriate sex education, no bloody stork or birds and bees.

It's not protecting innocense to not tell them, it's protecting peado's.

'I'm finding it difficult being almost friendless, having a family who hates me, being a spinster for the next 40 odd years and trying not to hold DS back by being clingy cos I'm scared of how empty my little world is and will be til I die as I can't change it.

I'm socially inept and frequently have foot in mouth syndrome'

No NO NO! Plink. You are wonderful. But you've had the life knocked out of you by the shitty plate you've been served. Things will change I promise you. All your posts have been so inspiring and helpful, because although I have a partner I can tell you I spend so much time feeling like there's a void in me that will never be filled. And I have no close friends either. So i can identify.

You are a special person. Don't think anything else xx

Avalon you have us and I can tell you from the heart if I knew you in rl I would come see you x

Thank you dotty (hugs). I'd come see you too. You've got me holding back tears now. Since i joined this thread a weight has lifted off me. I think it is finally feeling like I'm not the only one that really really helps, plus all the understanding. I've never received this level of understanding in the real world, not from people, doctors, counsellors, family, partner.