Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

Ok, most of the time. I go through periods of struggling with it. At the moment I'm going through the process of coming to terms with how shit my parents are. That's hard, harder than dealing with the abuse really.

I can understand that. Your parents are the people you really should be able to rely on uncondtionally, and it doesn`t sound like you had that.

I'm finding it difficult being almost friendless, having a family who hates me, being a spinster for the next 40 odd years and trying not to hold DS back by being clingy cos I'm scared of how empty my little world is and will be til I die as I can't change it.

I'm socially inept and frequently have foot in mouth syndrome

Definitely not. Thing is, it took me a long time to realise that. The turning point for me was when I became very depressed about 4 years ago. My mother made it all about her and I all I got from my family was constant information about how upset she was and about how she wasn't sleeping etc. It just didn't matter how I felt. I still didn't see how utterly shit they were until I told my psychiatric nurse some things about my childhood, and about how they were behaving at the time and she was . I suppose you think whatever you grew up with was normal and it takes something major to see how fucked up it was. I moved away from my family and since then my life has improved a whole lot but I still have very low periods where I suppose I mourn the fact that I don't really have a family.

I can survive without them, I just wish I didn't have to.

On the plus side my little sister is an angel :)

Hey Plink, I'm your friend aren't I?

I meant that sincerely by the way Plink, sorry if it came across a bit flippant

Hi again :) Sorry I haven't been able to keep track of this thread much today. It's been a busy, tiring, emotional day (PMS..)

I feel so sad when I read about unsupportive families. As I said, my parents WOULD have been supportive, if they'd known. I'm still upset about my family though because I feel like they should have known, they should have been able to see. I went from being a normal child, very immature (I still liked playing with toys and watching kids TV at that age) to being very withdrawn, quiet, sneaking out with boys, smoking. I guess they thought it was just me becoming a teenager... I wonder what kind of teenager I would have been if it wasn't for what happened.

I promise myself now I'll pay attention to ALL the signs I get from DD when she reaches that age. She won't be able to get away with anything (of course I will mean well)

Yes, they should have known bamboo. It always sends a shiver down my spine when I see angry posts on MN from mums complaining about their children who have become surly or unruly. The question is always how the parents can get the child back under control, with no reference to why the child might be behaving oddly. I know I had some odd behaviour as a preteen which looking back was blatantly related to the abuse, and anyone with a brain could have seen that, but my shite fucks of parents just made me feel ashamed of it.

The problem I had was that I never got a chance to develop a personality of my own so I didn't change was always withdrawn and had my head in a book extremely immature in other ways though had speech problems and would go into trance like states.

I luffs this fred :o Yeah you're my friend Cailin and everybody on the thread. First big step for me, just sitting around chatting rather than rushing about because I was too ashamed to be me, next step is to transfer what I've learnt here to the real world. how to burn lunch and dinner

plink your amazing as is everyone else on this thread you read my crazy rants and don't judge me x

Haha Dotty, crazy minds stick together. I don't think you're crazy, at all.

Bamboo, sorry you're having a naff day. and chocolate.

Just wanted to call in for a quick chat before I pop the pills again.
Plink I would hope that you're my friend too, along with everyone else on this thread

Just wanted to call in for a quick chat before I pop the pills again.
Plink I would hope that you're my friend too, along with everyone else on this thread

Of course Don'tKnow, and chocolate for everyone. Hope you have a better night tonight, hug that teddy close and tell yourself you're safe now, x

and thank your lucky stars your phone only double posts, mine triple posts at the worst possible moment

Haha Plink, I swear it has a mind of its own. I have got my teddy, even had a hot chocolate. Popped me pills now, hoping and praying for even just an hour or two. X

Haha Plink, I swear it has a mind of its own. I have got my teddy, even had a hot chocolate. Popped me pills now, hoping and praying for even just an hour or two. X

Aw you guys are lovely

I hope you have a good sleep tonight Dontknow.

Bloomin' heck. I just wrote a long post about issues with my ex, access to children and whether my past experiences and lack of confidence were clouding my judgement..........and then I took too long to write it and lost it all.

I hate it when that happens Totu :(

I've caught up on all the posts but prompty forgotten everything again so hello and hugs to new people and everyone else.

Plink i'm socially inept too and worry about being alone forever. I was cuddling my babies tonight and gave them as extra long cuddle because ut suddenly hit me that they won't want to do that for too long. I also have severe foot in mouth syndrome so maybe we can give each other tips as we learn haha :o

I'm feeling really relaxed tonight. Been to a spa for the afternoon, relaxed for 2 hours in there and then had a facial, foot massage and back massage. Came home to a birthday tea, cake and presents from my children and step children and my ex even washed it all up too (as a birthday treat)
It's my birthday tomorrow and my mother is coming overin the morning. I'm concerned what her game is this time as she always has an ulterior motive and its never a nice one. Oh well at least if tomorrow is spoilt I had a nice day today.
I know it sounds daft but i'm really proud of myself for going to the spa. I went alone, was happy wandering around in a swimming costume and didn't have any problems with the massage either. I've never felt comfortable with anything like that before! :)

Someone mentioned a homebirth? I had one 7 months ago and it was an amazing experience. My friend recently had a hbac with no problems too

Plese replace randon words with correct ones and that will make far more sense!

Please and random - bloody hell my typing is getting worse, it must be all that relaxation

Haha Nhan, I'm so of your spa day, sounds wonderful.

Totu, grr think mn had a glitch as it logged me out.

NHAN - glad you had a good day. Happy birthday for tomorrow. x

Plink - gah! I think I should have clicked the 'remember me' or 'keep me logged in' button. My own fault I lost the post.

Anyhow, I'm off to look up private counsellors. If anyone is in the Tameside area and knows of anyone reputable, please PM me.

Thanks.

A bit nervous about posting here but I'm a dentist and I really worry that we as a profession could be missing out on helping (?) a proportion of society who are affected by this and I would like to know how to help or to make life easier for people?

I have had one patient affected by this and was unable to help. I hope he never gets toothache... Is there anything that could be done to make access to dental care easier?