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Original poster

Just can't get over his beer belly :-(

196 replies

nevermindthebuzzcocks · 20/11/2011 17:35

I know this is really mean and if it was a woman who had put on weight everyone would be saying, "he should love you for who you are" etc etc

But... my DH has got quite a beer belly on him and I'm struggling to keep feeling sexual about him. The rest of him is fine, his arms are nice and his legs are muscley but the belly really could pass for a pregnancy belly.

He has said to me frequently that he thinks i don't fancy him anymore and I am always honest and say that i do fancy HIM but i don't like his belly. But he does nothing about it. I am sure it's all the beer that he drinks and he is sure that it's all because i keep buying chocolate or biscuits (for the kids packed lunches) and it's MY fault that he keeps eating them.

He wont belive it is the beer because years ago when he was in his early thirties he could drink the same amount of beer and not have a belly (he refuses to see that now he is 44 he isn't able to deal with all the beer without getting a belly).

Anyway, my question is, what am i meant to do? I don't like having sex with him at the moment because his belly LITERALLY gets in the way. Am i a bitch??? Sad

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 17:43

It restricts what you can do sexually, once my husband got one I went off of sex the only way to see his cock was to lift his belly, they are the most unattractive things ever. When women get fat they get it all over, men only carry at the front.

I didnt want to give him a bj and get a carpet burn from his hairy belly on my forehead. Also the only real way to have sex is from behind, even then you get a carpet burn on your back because their belly is so big.

Malificence · 20/11/2011 17:44

Beer bellies are very unattractive, much more so than being big built all over I wouldn't fancy DH much with one either.

What's his waist size? Anything over 37/38 inches is meant to be unhealthy for a man and carrying weight around your middle like that is very bad for your heart, not to mention that erectile dysfunction is much more likely .

He needs to start doing sit ups, balance balls are brilliant and really work your core muscles, DH only has to do sit ups for a couple of weeks to get a (semi ) six pack again.

FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 17:44

Id never see someone with a beer belly, ever, so unattractive makes them look pregnant.

Tell him naked he turns you off.

PoorLuLu · 20/11/2011 17:46

walk behind him chanting "hey fatty boom boom".

Alternatively if it really bothers you (it would me) tell him he either does something about it or you'll reconsider the relationship.

FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 17:46

My friends husband is 38 put on 3 stone drank beer everyday, just had a heart attack and by pass. At 38. Tell him you are worried for his health.

AngryFeet · 20/11/2011 17:49

DH has a belly (doesn't drink so must just be fat but it is hard not squishy). I still fancy him though. Just as he still fancies me now I am a few stone heavier. I think it is a bit sad. Our attraction to our partners should be for the whole person. If DH told me he didn't fancy me anymore because of a couple of extra stone I think I would be so hurt and I would go right off him.

Will you fancy your husband less when he gets old and starts sagging and getting very wrinkly? If he lost a limb would you go off him?

Is there more to this than just a bit of weight? Is everything else in your relationship ok?

FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 17:52

Some people are not attracted to fat pregnant bellies. Not much you can do about it. It affects the type of sex life you have too.

HairyBeaver · 20/11/2011 17:55

Sorry but just actually burst out laughing at fabbys post

Original poster
nevermindthebuzzcocks · 20/11/2011 18:02

Wow - quick response - thank you all. angryfeet i totally get what you're saying. i am not as slim as i was and he still says he finds me attractive. and yes, i have thought about the whole would i still fancy him if he lost a limb or was in a wheelchair and i like to think i would and that's why I do feel guilty about not fancying him BUT I can't make myself fancy a beer belly if i don't fancy it - can i??

Our relationship isn't perfect but i do really love him and that's why I find it hard to tell him i don't fancy his belly.

My dad was a larger man and i often look at DH and think that he is looking more and more like my dad and whilst i loved my dad a lot it is hard to feel sexy with someone who looks like your dad.

fabby chic he's about a 38/40 waist and has been told by the doctor to lose weight. he has a tendency towards depression and uses the beer to self medicate (his words) Sad

It does limit us sexually (i am always balanced on top and would just love to have sex with a man on top who has a normal sized belly).

I would be hurt if he said he no longer found me attractive BUT if i had such a huge belly that i was literally turning him off sex I'd do somehting about it. He knows I struggle with it but simply talks all the time about getting rid of it.

I also resent the amount of money we spend on bloody beer.

OP posts:
Malificence · 20/11/2011 18:06

It is just about the most unattractive body shape that a man could have and it would make me very concerned about his health if a man had a larger stomach than his chest size.

LynetteScavo · 20/11/2011 18:06

It's all part of growing old.

Soon he wont' fancy you much, either.

AngryFeet · 20/11/2011 18:07

Hmmm well DHs belly is not that big tbh. Certainly makes no difference sexually. If he has been told to lose weight by the gp then he should and you should nag him about that and not mention the attraction thing as making him feel bad about himself when he is already low will make it worse. The drink thing is a big problem too - is he on ADs?

FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 18:07

Balanced on top, roll on roll off. Like having sex with a weeble.

FabbyChic · 20/11/2011 18:09

I have only ever seen one belly close up, never again, it hurt my eyes.

Malificence · 20/11/2011 18:10

Not part of growing old at all - DH's dad is 70 and hasn't got even a hint of a beer belly, you are confusing normal middle age spread with a man who probably looks 9 months pregnant.

A 40 inch waist means huge strain on heart and lungs plus diabetes and impotence.

Malificence · 20/11/2011 18:12

Waist size for a man should be at least 6 inches smaller than chest size.

maleview70 · 20/11/2011 18:13

If this was a man posting about his wife there would be uproar.

I would like my dw to be a size 10 as I find slimmer women more attractive but she isn't and hates having to restrict her life by constantly dieting. I love the person more than the body.

However, if he can cut out the beer for 6 weeks he would immediately see a big difference. I cut out booze, chocolate and crisps for 6 weeks and lost 17 lbs.

ImperialBlether · 20/11/2011 18:14

Can't he switch to another drink, if it's the beer that's giving him the problem? Vodka and diet coke would be much better, though he'd have to make sure he didn't drink too many units.

Original poster
nevermindthebuzzcocks · 20/11/2011 18:14

I think i'm gonna have to try the health approach and not go on about the unattractive thing.

I disagree that it's all part of growing old - not all men in their 40s look like they're having babies! And as for him not fancying me anymore - at the moment that would suit me because then we wouldn't have anymore sex.

He's not on anti- depressants because he wont get them from the doctor, he just wants to keep spending all our money on beer and drinking that instead.

fabbychic i know you are being funny but you are right - sometimes I am perched up there.

OP posts:
carernotasaint · 20/11/2011 18:19

OP i think this is about more than just the sex. Is the amount of money he is spending affecting the household finances and eating into money that you need for the kids or yourself. If so there could be resentment building about this as well.

Malificence · 20/11/2011 18:19

Never - my DH is 46 and has a 34 inch waist, when his jeans get tight then he does more sit ups.

Maleview, size 10 is not a natural size for the vast majority of women, so your preferences are totally unrealistic. We're talking about men with stomachs so large that they are very unhealthy, not a bit of podge.

youtalkintome · 20/11/2011 18:19

Why not join a gym together and then give him personal training vouchers for Christmas? To be honest he has to find a way to be motivated perhaps you could help him. Use we alot say it would be nice if we could get really fit perhaps thinking he is doing it with you will motivate him. I actually really like going to the gym with my dh although I'm a sloth usually.

pink4ever · 20/11/2011 18:20

My dh has always had a big belly ever since I met him. But he has put on a ton of weight-well be both have tbhBlush and after reading on here that 1/3 of men die before they are 60 I am scared that he will have a heart attack.

I have told him this and I know he is embaressed by his weight but he wont listen to any practical advice. He goes on daft crash diets,loses 2 stone and then puts 3 back on! I have tried to cook healthier etc but we are both greedy and like big portions! We also drink too much but after a hard week its sooooooooooo tempting.

I have to say I disagree with fabby re the sex thing though-we have always been able to manage different positions

Sparks1 · 20/11/2011 18:21

You're right. If it was a female putting on the weight and becoming a saddlebags the responses would be very different.

It doesn't what the hell it is putting on the weight. Whether it be beer or chocolate the end result is the same.

Original poster
nevermindthebuzzcocks · 20/11/2011 18:24

maleview70 i KNOW that if it was a man saying his wife was fat there would be uproar and that's why i feel so mean even saying it. BUT as i've said before I cannot make myself find a belly attractive. i'm not shouting from the roof tops that he's fat I'm honestly asking for help. i wish i could just say, ahh he's my big cuddly bear and i love him - but women need to be turned on to truelly enjoy sex and I can't get past this.

He will not cut out the beer because he refuses to believe it is the cause - because he drunk beer as a young man and didn't get a belly then. When we met he was fine but he walked everywhere and was 16 years younger. He also doesn't sleep very well (which i think is partly due to his weight) and thus uses the beer to help him sleep. Oh god it's a bloody viscious circle Sad

OP posts:
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