Just can't get over his beer belly :-(

[nevermindthebuzzcocks]

I know this is really mean and if it was a woman who had put on weight everyone would be saying, "he should love you for who you are" etc etc

But... my DH has got quite a beer belly on him and I'm struggling to keep feeling sexual about him. The rest of him is fine, his arms are nice and his legs are muscley but the belly really could pass for a pregnancy belly.

He has said to me frequently that he thinks i don't fancy him anymore and I am always honest and say that i do fancy HIM but i don't like his belly. But he does nothing about it. I am sure it's all the beer that he drinks and he is sure that it's all because i keep buying chocolate or biscuits (for the kids packed lunches) and it's MY fault that he keeps eating them.

He wont belive it is the beer because years ago when he was in his early thirties he could drink the same amount of beer and not have a belly (he refuses to see that now he is 44 he isn't able to deal with all the beer without getting a belly).

Anyway, my question is, what am i meant to do? I don't like having sex with him at the moment because his belly LITERALLY gets in the way. Am i a bitch???

But yes, I think it's a happiness issue and it needs to be sorted. I thought if he had some sort of exercise with the family every day, it would help him.

My dh has a belly largely from medication (yes he does eat too much but when he stopped his meds suddenly he lost about two stone in a fortnight - unfortunately he also had a massive psychotic episode). It actually doesn't bother me sexually but it does bother me that it bothers him a lot.

I think the health angle is the way to go. Could you possibly afford to put the dcs onto school lunches? I know it's a lot, but if it then meant you could reduce the food coming into the house, it could help? Perhaps you could stop all puddings except fruit, and all go out for an evening icecream once a month as a big treat?

Could you take up a lot of exercise and get him to come with you (I know what you mean about running, dh was all for doing the same thing and I did want to say 'you're not 21 any more and neither are your knees', he did run very slowly for a while but has thankfully moved onto other sports) but cycling can be good, the same feeling of speed, enjoyably techy if he's that sort of guy, nice weekend group cycles?

Ignore me Buzzcocks - that is what you have said you would do isn't it?

Fabby you are hilarious!
I am snorting at the carpet burnt forehead.
I think being overweight is repellant in either sex and I would go off my dh if he was overweight and woudl expect him to do the same to me.

Blubber is not attractive and anyone who thinks it is must have some sort of strange fetish.
How much deos he drink and how much do yuo spend on beer?

Gotta go off line now because my Dh is around and i seriously would feel awful if he read this. But do feel free to talk whhen i'm not here

thanks to all of you for your help. i am definitely gonna read throught this thread again and take heed of all the points you've all made. i will report back when i've had a good chance to talk with him.

NMTBC. Does D/h have self respect in his appearance when you go out together in your Sunday best? Or does he not care how you feel walking along side of him, (if you do) he really does need to get this beer gut sorted out, he needs to do lots of physical exercises , cut right down on alcohol intake, start to look after himself or it will be all downhill for him.

Sounds gross and tee hee, Fabby. I'm lucky that my guy is tall and lean and we both colonically cleanse, so nice and clean from the inside out. Great tantric sex and so on. Dayam, I'm lucky.
Re: the beer belly, cut out the beer and the weight should drop off.
I think it's important not to go to seed. Out of all my friends from high school, I'm the only one who hasn't become a fat so and so. Moderation and exercise. I cycle to work, have never driven, and I would never, ever fall in love with somebody or remain in love with somebody who didn't care about their health. It is the most important thing we have in life and feeling vital leads to a better life and lifestyle.

so ...

he's depressed
he's not sleeping properly (beer will actually make this worse)
he's drinking and spending too much on beer
he's snaffling all the DC's treats
he's trying to make you responsible for his food intake

I wouldn't be surprised if the belly has come to kind of symbolise all these other problems.

I don't think it would be helpful to focus too much on his appearance. He needs to see the dr about his depression and sleep problems (Dr will, I'm sure, also talk to him about his weight while he's there but it will be somebody objective saying it and it will be focused on his health, not how attractive or otherwise he is so it will hopefully be easier for him to hear) ... and you need to talk to him about the last three problems because they'll be causing resentment.

The belly is a symptom, not a cause. Sort these other related problems out and the belly will sort itself.

Can't believe some of the horrible comments on here.

PMSL at oversized walrus, have you met my ex husband then? He still has a smal arse now and a huge front, got bigger!

Seriously you could rest your pint on the top, it was like a tray with hair.

And sex was god awful, who wants to have to say to someone lift your stomach I want to suck your cock.

Couldnt do spooning anymore cos his belly got in the way.

No i bloody haven't!!

And luckily there is no belly to lift!

As the belly gets bigger Im sure the cock gets smaller it seems so.

Thing is the belly feels solid and you put your hand on it expecting a baby to kick you.

I had the exact same problem, DP put on weight and ended up at 14 -15 stone at his worse. He ended up with a huge beer gut which I found a turn off and in the end I said so. He wouldn't do anything about it as in his own words it wasn't a problem.

To cut a long story short, he has now been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and other serious health problems. He has lost some weight -ordered to by Drs and we exercise together, stuff like cycling and walking. But he has frequent hospital trips, and has to take huge numbers of tablets and other medicines each day.

To the posters claiming that the response would be different if it was a man saying the same about a woman, well of course it would. Men aren't subjected to the same onslaught from the media that they ought to be slim, berated if they dare to be overweight, etc.

Women are so often reduced to being just a "body" - worthless for everything except their appearance, so of course it's different for a man to criticise a woman for her weight than the opposite.

I get what you're saying Shengdan and I agree it is different, but I don't think that makes it OK to poke fun at a fat person just because they're a man.

The guy is depressed, self-medicating with beer and not looking after himself very well. I wouldn't mind betting that he already feels pretty shitty about being too big to go on top during sex. OP comes across as caring a lot about him and being worried about his health, even while being turned off by his body as it is at the moment.

How is it helpful for people to come on and go 'hahaha fat blokes are hilarious'? Does that make the constant criticism of women's bodies go away?

'Sounds gross and tee hee, Fabby. I'm lucky that my guy is tall and lean and we both colonically cleanse, so nice and clean from the inside out.'

You may wish to research colonic cleansing. Most if us are lucky enough to have colons that function perfectly well without assistance.

I would be extremely loving towards him for the next couple of weeks.
Then suggest by-the-by that you both go teetotal for the period up to Xmas so that when you do have a drink you enjoy it more over the festive period.
If he can't sleep put a couple of pillows under the mattress to raise his head and try a herbal remedy.
Hide away the choc and biscuits and say you are cutting down on these things in the children's lunches as they'll be eating plenty of them over Xmas.
Increase the walks and the fresh air. Talk while you walk.
On Xmas eve, ask him to tell you honestly if he doesn't feel a bit better.
If he really doesn't feel better, I think doctors appointment for a thorough health check and to discuss whether he might be depressed.
If he does feel better, drink lightly over Xmas and go dry again in January.

Abra - a typical response from somebody who knows nothing about the health benefits that come from coffee enemas.
You're one of the reasons humans are devolving.

My bowel movements are fine, even without coffee enemas.
Unlike most of my British peers, I prefer to prevent illness, instead of expecting to avail myself of the NHS eventually, perish the thought, and I wouldn't anyway, given that I escaped the grim Motherland years ago.

If you do your research, oh ignorant one, you will find that the caffeine in coffee enemas stimulates your bile ducts, which in turn aids and abets in helping your liver work at 700 times it's usual potential, clearing the body of many toxins that are usually lingering, in solid state, years old, just behind where you rest your head upon your partner's tummy whilst sucking his cock; all that crap, stuck to the sides of his and yours colonic tract, seeping toxins back into your bloodstream, leading to ill-health and so on.
Do your research before commenting in the default mode.

Sorry for the digression there, I just get tired of the typical kneejerk reaction to coffee enemas, that are a major part of The Gerson Therapy, and well, I drink Scotch, wine, my goodness, my lifestyle is dreamy, but I am also open to alternative ways to enhance my health, and coffee enemas are fab.
Really.
Believe me.
I'm the ChairChick of ACER - The Assoc. of Coffee Enema Rogues - and all my friends who have embraced the pipe, have absolutely zero regrets, indeed, they tell me that colonic irrigation with caffeine (and no, you don't get addicted to it), has changed their lives. Their weight stabilises, they feel glowy from the inside-out, it's pleasant, not kinky, and well, seriously, who wants to walk around with impacted ancient feces for their entire life? Not me. That's for sure. And not my lover, either.
By the way, we do them separately, private moments, just 15 mins a day, but boy do we look and feel healthy whilst we sip our refreshing beverages and savour good food.

Oh gosh, the poor man. You do sound mean tbh. I don't think fancying is just about what someone looks like, and I think relationships are all doomed if the people in them are so shallow. However, as he has been told by the GP it does sound like it's more of a health issue than a size one, and he needs to deal with it for himself (not for you- if I was him and I saw this I'd dump you tbh, and I would expect any woman to dump a man who said the same, so it's sexist to expect him to be ok with it). My ex had problems with compuslive eating related to his depression, and tbh I had to take him to the doctor and tell the doctor he'd been crying, constantly irritable etc before the GP would sort him out with a referral for counselling and anti-depressants. Sounds like if you actually do care about your H you need to get him doing something about the depression first, and although it is a pain in the arse I think either some people are very bad at explaining to their doctor or GPs don't take depressed men seriously so you may need to go along with him and insist the GP does something. However my ex did not lose lots of weight- he's still a bit over but GP says he is not unhealthy, the reason he is an ex is seperate and he's still a perfectly attractive man, just like women can be overweight and still attractive (he also does lots of exercise so fat =/= unfit!).

Nutter alert!

Fabby you are a gas woman , just broke a rib laughing.

I don't think she sounds mean. It is hard to find somebody attractive who doesn't care about their health and well-being.
I think the originator of this thread has made it clear that she loves her husband.
I agree with the posters who have said that the belly goes beyond beer, though.
He has some issues he needs to face.
Lose the gut, and he'll feel great.
Health is a great feeling.
We all could do so much more..I do zero really - just the enema daily, I cycle to work (one hour total), nothing else, no gym, no yoga, nuffin like that, and I drink every day, you know, wine with my food, not binge drinking, and I feel great, because it's all done in moderation, plus the coffee enemas - and if your DH did them, it would totally help with the weight loss and ability for the liver to work harder at ridding hubby of toxins that are keeping him fat and feeling lethargic - but 9 out of 10 people BALK at the idea of enemas, and so it continues, ill-health bred from stubborn ignorance. Still, there are too many folks on the planet anyway - which is why I didn't have kids - and if folks want to kick the bucket sooner rather than later given their inability to be open to things like coffee enemas, then let them. I don't care. I won't be lying next to a person with impacted ancient pooh just inches beneath where I lay my head of a night.

Oh dear, DH goes jogging and does sit ups, press ups etc. and is as fit as the day I met him. Still has a 32 inch waist, and snacks on tangerines and apples. Me on the other hand, have gained two stone.

I kinda wish he would let himself go abit, and then I would feel better about myself. I must improve my fitness. I already eat healthily.