Just can't get over his beer belly :-(

[nevermindthebuzzcocks]

I know this is really mean and if it was a woman who had put on weight everyone would be saying, "he should love you for who you are" etc etc

But... my DH has got quite a beer belly on him and I'm struggling to keep feeling sexual about him. The rest of him is fine, his arms are nice and his legs are muscley but the belly really could pass for a pregnancy belly.

He has said to me frequently that he thinks i don't fancy him anymore and I am always honest and say that i do fancy HIM but i don't like his belly. But he does nothing about it. I am sure it's all the beer that he drinks and he is sure that it's all because i keep buying chocolate or biscuits (for the kids packed lunches) and it's MY fault that he keeps eating them.

He wont belive it is the beer because years ago when he was in his early thirties he could drink the same amount of beer and not have a belly (he refuses to see that now he is 44 he isn't able to deal with all the beer without getting a belly).

Anyway, my question is, what am i meant to do? I don't like having sex with him at the moment because his belly LITERALLY gets in the way. Am i a bitch???

busybusybust - so sorry for your sad loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Just a little aside - i do know all about healthy eating. I am a teacher. My kids choose grapes or raw carrots over sweets and know their limitations. They both have healthy little bodies with the right amount of fat on them, they run around in the garden frequently and i honestly don't think that a breakaway as part of a lunch box is going to do them any harm.

i spoke to my husband tonight and we talked a lot about his health and his size. i didn't mention the words sex or beer belly once. i mearly mentioned the health worries and said that me and the children needed him to be more healthy. he has agreed to cut down on the beer intake and switch to low alcohol beer. he doesn't want to discuss his depression with the doctor which i suspected as it is quite deep rooted. But he has agreed to start gentle exercise.

Many thanks.
X

I am on here because I simply do not want to have sex with my husband due to his belly. He just claims its not there...so when we have a glass of wine whoosh he drinks the bottle and starts on the beer. I really resent the fact he expects me to fancy him this way it seems deliberate and counterproductive he claims I am using his belly as an excuse to not jave sex I am not I am actually getting frustrated lol. Tried rewards for exercise getting him to switch to gin and slimline all sorts. He says its (the belly) is on my head and compares himself to men his own age....errrm I am not married to them and urrrgg. Sexual attraction is just that sexual I am sorry if this offends but I never have and never will find a belly attractive but yes I love him. I have a good few fat friends I love them but sex is not just about love its about attraction. I am so unhappy and so is he...

You said ypthread your dp is on steroids for asthma.
Afaik steroids do actuslly cause you to become apple shaped. There is a steroid 'look'. Slim legs, weight around belly and rosy cheeks.
So he may want to speak to his gp about that.
Also 'self medicating' is not a good thing. Beer / alcohol is a depressant. It worsens depression in the long term. Exercise such as walking otoh has been shown to alleviate depression in some cases.

Keep reminding him (and yourself) you are keeping yourself healthy for your dc.

If you cannot get to the gym, you could get some books on bodyweight exercises you can do in the house, or some exercise dvds. The 10 minute series is a good place to start. Or 8 minute tai bo. It's not a massive commitment that way but it does help to get you moving and lift your mood.
(I suffer from depression if I don't get enough exercise but canmot get to gym due to kids).

Also can you cycle where you live? Either a cycle run with the kids or of the kids are too wee to cycle alone, with tag alongs that way you get even more exercise! I used to take mine in the bike trailer to the beach. They got a day out and I got exercise.

must stop MNing and go cycling now. My bf os svelte I am the one with the belly is our rs

What I was trying to say....is if he wants to self medicate encourage him to self medicate with exercise.

It works for my depression.

And Lo ! The thread is risen (4 years, is that a record ?)

OP, I'm sure you do love him, don't worry, no one is judging you in that way.

Practical point - I have some male friends who drink a lot and they're all of the school of "no more beer, switch to vodka".

it is an interesting exercise because they are just heavy drinkers frankly, wouldn't deny it if they were asked or anything. But I have a feeling your husband might see vodka as a "hard" drink and be shocked at the suggestion. But self medicating is self medicating however you look at it.

oh lord. Where was the zombie warning? Or is it only the resurrectionist who sees it?

OP has the belly gone?

Could you do a low carb diet together? I put weight on manly on my tummy and when I did low carb my tummy ( a lot of which was bloating ) disappeared! Beer, sugar, yeast etc will all make it worse. Gin, vodka or whiskey with a diet mixer won't have the same effect as beer.

Good luck to you, I find a big tummy on a man sexually unappealing too.

Yes, I went off a girlfriend once when she put on too much weight. We split up. I think it's selfish.

You think it's selfish to gain weight short?

I think you have every right to expect your man to look after himself, especially if you do the same.

Tell him you're not attracted to him with the belly and refuse any advances he makes, if that doesn't provide motivation nothing will!

Oops, didn't see how old this was!

That's what I said.

That’s exactly what I say. If he would told me he doesn’t find me attractive for this or that, I would definitely run and try to improve. For ex; He has never liked me with short hair and that’s why I keep it long even though I’ve felt tired of all the work long hair demands. And yes, I’ve told him in so many ways that I love him so much but that belly totally turns me down. I’ve even prayed to God to help me desire him like that, and I just can’t...😢. How do you make your body feel attraction when there isn’t ...???? I love everything else about him. It’s just his belly that has gotten so big what I can’t stand.

It's very likely that the alcohol and the depression are going hand in hand. Self-medicating with booze will only make the depressions worse - is that an angle you can take as well?

www.alcoholrehabguide.org/resources/dual-diagnosis/alcohol-and-depression

www.psychiatrictimes.com/major-depressive-disorder/comorbid-depression-and-alcohol-dependence

Exercise will help with the depression as might a word to the doctor about the steroids possibly causing weight gain?

Ex put on loads of weigh on her ass, complete turn off so she had to go.

Another zombie thread??

Whilst I do understand where you are coming in there was a post recently about a DH who told his wife she was less attractive due to weight gain and it was a resounding tell the bastard to fuck off. There is double standards on here for men and women. That said it reasonable that you would want to find your partner attractive and I think you should tell him straight