The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Here's To STAYING On A Sober Holiday!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

I have an abusive and volatile relationship with alcohol.

This is the Brave Babes Bus, it's filled with sober, drinking and somewhere in between Babes who are all here for the journey ahead, whatever that may entail.

EVERYONE is welcome on this Bus. No-one will judge what you are going through, what you drink, what you don't or what you do.

Come take a seat.

Take a peek at the journeys so far (including the thread by JWN that started this whole journey off) HERE

Have a lovely holiday Saf x

Bafana, if I were to dissect it I could come up with 300 excuses. AA would tell me that I'm not praying enough. Urgh. I can't be doing with the praying shite, even though I KNOW IT WORKS. Weird, huh? I'm on step 8/9 I think this is key.

I'm drunk so I'm signing out for the night, but i'd like to talk again, if that's ok with you.

Morning babes

this is the bacon sarnie queue. I have a sore head. Serves me right. Drinking was a stupid idea.

I don't think I've ever had a morning bacon sarnie absent either a hangover or the tiredness that follows an all night negotiation meeting. Wonder what they taste like in normal circs...

Ds has just put school uniform on so am on duty for the new term.

Commiserations msgee. Just occurred to me that a hangover is a bit like the flashing light on the dryer that says "clean filter".

Gets in queue, whilst yawning and rubbing eyes. Definitely not feeling quite so chocked with the cold, but have felt better!! But hey it could be a hangover, which would be immeasurably worse.

Hope your ok Holly, please don't beat yourself up this morning! New dau! Odaat.

A wise person told me that it is a talking recovery, or in this case a typing recovery - so keep typing .

Right - off for a shower.

Xxx

I was out early evening yesterday, and then when I came back I started to read the posts on here, but dh wanted to talk, and I thought that I'd better give him all my attention, rather than half listening, saying hmmm, yes, and all the while trying to post a reply.

The thing that I notice about quite a few posts yesterday, is that several people were drinking, yet still felt able to post here. I think that is great. Obviously not great that you were drinking, if it's not what you really wanted to do, but really great that on this thread you don't have to be the ideal model of self control, naice behaviour, and sobriety.

I think that on here we know so well than no one else can force you to deal with your drinking, you have to want that for yourself. But when we do see a glimmer of an upturn, we're all in there, encouraging, supporting and sharing. And when it's not going that way, we're just here holding you.

morning all. Well said venus i agree.

dashing to work again. I think I may have swapped alcohol addiction for cold remedy addiction . Also I need a plan for the weekend. catch up later.

Happy back to school legal and others. Next Tues for mine.

And as for me, I KNOW that yesterday I had a great day, a busy day, a motivating day. And I KNOW that I'd not have had a day like that if I'd been drinking or hungover.

Yesterday evening I went to networking event. It could be my most hated thing in the world. I'm a bit shy. I hate the potential cliqueiness of meetings like that. My blood boils at being patronised by old gits in grey suits with fat bellies. But sometimes even these things have to be done. And actually it was OK (I was channeling jesus), I met a couple of really helpful people, I had fun, and I felt very proud of myself. On the way home I was singing in the car.

But then when I went to bed.... whir, whirr, brain going round. What if none of the next potential business opportunities come to anything? What if I don't make enough money? Oh dear, worry, worry, worry. And all of that then feeds into my dreams, and they're disturbed and disturbing. So I've woken this morning, feeling not so bright. And even now I'm tempted into the kind of warped thinking that says I'd have been just as well having wine at the meeting last night, that if I'd been the life and sould of the party then maybe business would have been even better, and maybe I'd have slept better too. I know that's mad and stupid, but sometimes that little devil is very sneaky.

So today, I'm taking hold of my plans. I'm off to visit my Mum, I've got a call with my business mentor, and I've got a meeting with a lovely couple later today. In the middle of the day, I'm going to make moussaka. I've got all the ingredients (so I don't need to go to the shops), I'll text dp when I leave my meeting this evening so he can put it in the oven, and when I get home it will be smelling all wonderful and tasty. And that feeling that I'd like a drink can just go and fuck the fuck off (as jesus would say).

Morning all.

Holly no judgement here either. If you're an alcoholic, which I am, then your default setting is to drink. It's what we do. But secrets keep us sick, to paraphrase Bafana's wise words.

My new sponsor asked me, after my last drink, "do you want to stop drinking". A couple of days later I realised that up until that point I hadn't. It was quite an overwhelming moment. I also have come to realise that I had to completely trust my sponsor and trust the programme. All this has taken time and I am impatient as hell to start my steps but I trust that she knows better than me the best way to do this. If you can't be honest with your sponsor, then maybe you need a new sponsor. If you can't be honest with anyone, then maybe you aren't ready? I was lying and deceiving during the couple of weeks I drank after my mum's funeral in June, and I wasn't ready - I needed the crap kicking out of me a bit longer. There's no guarantee I've got it now but I was brought to my knees and made much more teachable. And the one days are adding up but more than that, I've found this emotional sobriety that I heard talked about.

So, no beating yourself up. No retreating into your head. No self pity. Just a new day, another chance, lots of friends here and in AA willing to help in any way. As a wise friend said to me, we'll love you for however long it takes for you to learn to love yourself.

I had a strange dream last night that I was on a greyhound bus somewhere in the US, and that we'd pulled out of the rest stop and left someone behind and they were chasing along afterwards waving their arms. So just checked this thread and tryandtryagain, readytoconfess and s-dog (which I've contracted as I see you've had your original post removed for reasons I can guess at), if you're still lurking, hope you are doing well and come back and talk to everyone if you need to. I think missy10 was going on holiday this week and wantto is hopefully busy packing.

MoP you will be at work by now but hope the first day goes/went well.

DS happily despatched well actually he ran off with his friends and abandoned me without a backward look to the new classroom, so am off for a run and will then tackle the muffins (cooked proper dinner last night and left baking activity for today).

Sorry to see your feeling fed up Indie. Would you be able to sit down with DP and tell her how you feel. Maybe she just doesn't get how hard it is to stop drinking and think of a future with no more alcohol. ANy way you could alternate the night time care so your not so knackered during the day?

Morning all,

Happy September! New day, new month, new start?

Crikey, I love you all (a la Kenny Everett show, if anyone remembers), this is the one place where I feel that everyone is a true, and truthful friend, and very selfishly it makes me feel so much better when I speak to you.

Very stresseeee in the Thurso household at the moment. Instead of being in work for the morning yesterday, I had back to back meetings all day, came home, did 6 lots of taxi service, made dinner, and then relaxed with a bottle of wine, what kind of fool am I? Luckily stopped early enough to drink two pint mugs of peppermint tea, but was still on the Berrocca this morning. No work today, but back to business tomorrow, and have already had 5 documents emailed to me, by my boss. DH and Dc gone to London to try and sort out somewhere for Dc to live, but all the rents are a million pounds a week because of the Olympics, Gah!

Mousiemouseface I hope that you are feeling ok this morning, I am so sorry about your MIL.

And to all of you with relatives and friends with health issues, I apologise for yapping about my small worries, mine aren't a big deal in the scheme of things, I know.

Isindie your rant wasn't as bad as mine! Tiredness makes everything seem so much worse. Could you go back to bed for a make up snog, when the Dt's nap .

Speak later
sorry for any mistakes, not going to preview!
XXXX

isindie sorry you're down today. have a bacon tofu roll. Seeing as you're not in the queue for Mr Mouse, you can go to the front of the food queue. this bus is full of remorseful pissed off people this morning, including me. Does DP fully understand the battle to stay sober and how brilliant your 3 week effort is. I haven't done 3 weeks since I was old enough to have my first drink (pg excepted).
Thurso two paracetamol for you ya daft old trout . I dodged the bullet this morning but will no doubt get an action replay tomorrow and the day after and the day after.....
Venus well done you. You are awesome.
Still no sign of MIF???

thurso have lost track, is your DC coming to London to study, work, or what? Just that I'm on a facebook group where lots of postgrad students from overseas are currently discussing accommodation options so I might be able to give some advice (also am in London and assume that you're not).

isinde sorry to hear you are fed up. My gut reaction is that you should definitely try and separate the alcohol issue out completely from other issues (fatigue, financial pressure of work etc.) when discussing with DP. The second lot come as standard (I think) with having a one year old (or two). If you don't have lots of family support life consists entirely of work and childcare and you become a bit like ships that pass in the night. I don't have an easy solution (don't think our household handled them brilliantly well) but if you venture out onto the board there are undoubtedly a number of threads covering that ground.

Hey indie
Sorry you are feeling down and meh - it is a horrible feeling, but it is better to be feeling down and meh without the hangover than with it I hope .

I can understand both of your frustration. Do you think that maybe DP has seen the positive changes in you in the last 3 weeks?
Do you think that maybe she is scared that these changes will be wiped out very quickly if you have a drink?
Does she think that when you talk about having the occasional glass of wine, you may quickly slip back into old patterns?
Could you both be a bit fearful of being happy in the present, where you are not drinking.

Indie - you are doing so well! Your DP must be so proud, I know that my family were retiscent to praise during my early days, because they had seen and heard it all before. It has taken a long long time for them to really believe that I am not drinking any more, and they don't live with me.

My kids were far more forgiving and more accepting of the situation. But then that is because I am their mother, and the unconditional love thing!!

I have made a resolution to myself today.
Slowly over the last couple of months, I have been getting lazier and lazier about getting out of bed in the morning. To the point where the kids are getting up themselves (which I might add they are more than capable off) but I am going to start getting up slightly earlier, and try and spend a little time with the kids and a little time reflecting on the day ahead, just basically trying to get my head to the right place to tackle things.

Hope everyone else is good.

ma
Stop letting people queue jump , just coz you don't want a bacon roll!!!

isinde if you are still here do I need to grease the new nonstick muffin pans just to be safe or do you think they will be OK? anyone?

isinde just us waiting in the food queue eh? Is everyone else waiting for MrMouse?

isinde you do sound fed up my love. I agree with legal that you need to separate out the two issues. DP might not know how you are feeling. I had no clue after having DD that DH was suddenly terrified to be the main breadwinner and really felt the pressure of that. It hadn't even occured to me. I know from being self employed that the pressure is much worse.

now then, tough love coming: I know that you are doing brilliantly and of course you deserve much kudos for the past 3 weeks. However, you may need to accept that you will only get that here. For other people in your life it won't be that easy. JWN might be able to explain better but I remember she went through the same thing - people do not roll out banners and balloons because we stop fucking up. Mainly because a) they are scared we haven't stopped forever and b) we probably shouldn't have fucked up in the first place.

Also you said "never drank to being incapable" ... this sounds like wasinde talking. Your drinking was a problem, it affected you, your work, DP and DTs? I have always been able to get up with DD in the night, no matter what my state - but that doesn't make it ok. Do not start justifying now - its a slippery slope isn't it. The next step (and I know because I am the same) is that we get that pissed of sabotage feeling (remember discussions with Red about this) and you drink.

tough love over, I have a nice warm Peppa Pig blanket that will make you feel better and a staples catalogue. Sit down, feel grumpy for a bit, snarl at me if you like.

Not in my case, am just greedy! Although I have just had my two bits of toast and marmite, I could quite happily scoff a bacon roll!
Have no interest in men at the moment, very happy being single, and therefore Mr Mouse is very very safe with me!

took so bloody long to write I have x posted with everyone. Gah!