Support for those in emotionally abusive relationships 2

[bigbuttons]

try again

omg Dh cuddles up really close and drapes his arm over so me so i feel pinned to the sheets and squashed. He is heavy and a dead weight and I lie there trying not to move and pretending I'm asleep. then the THING starts prodding you in the back .
i ask why can't we have any physical contact unless it's sexual. he says becuase we don't ahve enough sexual contact (this is certainly true on my part and I can't bear it) and if he got more, then he wouldn't demand it so much. i say if he diden't demand it so much, he might get more. And so it goes on.
I feel that I am nothing more that a pair of tits and a c**t at times.

Thank you all for not saying I'm being petty. I just hate that feeling of being plumped up like a cushion. And he'd put his arm under my pillow which was really annoying but apparently so comfy for him. I miss my DC wanting to get in our bed in the night. It stopped him being able to get to me! I understand he would like some affection but why at my detriment?
And yes starting to detach. It's v hard tho.

So hard today, got a text off a friend this morning asking how things were, (they're the only ones that have witnessed his episodes). stbx & I are financially tied which they know, so updated her. To which I got in return sorry but I don't think we can be friends anymore as I can't condone the way he's treating you, Just sat on a bench and wept, if only it was that easy to have enough money in the bank, take my SN's child out and away from everything they know! :(

Whoa - they can't be your friend any more because you're being badly treated by your stbx? Has this person had an empathy bypass or what? You need a better class of friend, mate.

MissP: text, or better CALL her back and say you need all the support you can get, you understand her frustration, but bailing on you is not going to help you in the long run. Ask her what YOU have done to her for HER to abandon you?

Flipping well call her on this! she's not thinking.

If it makes her think and modify her behaviour, all well and good, if not, then TBH she is no real friend anyway. You can't lose.

I'm not surprised it is hard for you to detach omg when he
behaves as though treating you like a piece of the furniture is reasonable.

Your feelings are being constantly denied and your objections ignored to the point where you think you might be being petty

The definition of petty is "Characterized by an undue concern for trivial matters"

And what he is doing to you is anything but trivial .

Petty? You are the opposite of petty! Humiliated, distressed, abused...I usually refrain from using the following language but in his case I will make an exception:

He deserves a kick in the balls and a punch in the face. I know it's not on to talk about another's OH like that, but FFS, I feel SO angry for you.

obrigada: welcome.

I'm sure you are aware that your name is Thank you in Portuguese, but do you know it means OBLIGATED too?

Remember the only obligations you have are to yourself love. The first one is to allow yourself to heal.

I got sent a link to DV services here and I managed to find a group Taking Steps near me to meet and talk about the experiences I've had. They know that people bury this stuff, so it's not only those in or just out of DV situations. Have a look at the link and see if there is anything you can access near you?

omg: utterly, utterly horrified. So sorry.

Afternoon ladies.

I am sat here with angry tears streaming down my face.

I'm appalled at how many of you are touched without consent in the night, whilst you are trying to sleep and in a place where you should feel and be safe.

MissP - so sorry that this has happened. Do you have any close friends that you can confide in? xx

Welcome obrigada

Wizbit - send him to me, I am so hormental today

Wizbit That's a great idea

Pixie your friend is protecting herself. Or being a drama queen (making something that should be about you be all about her feelings). I was in a similar situation once, and the wise advice I got at the time was: only engage in an emotional battle with your friend if you have the energy reserves for it. Otherwise, save your energy for what is really important for you to do right now.

Oh, and I'll add a weary "aye, me too" about the bedtime antics where I was a human doll whined into positions that were uncomfortable for me, or pouted at when I didn't want to sleep with his arm and a crick in my neck. On the rare occasions when he would actually come to bed rather than remain glued to his computer till 4 a.m.

In my case it was sex every second night, only deviation from this was if I was at least 6 months pregnant, he was a heavy set man and in his head he thought he would harm the child when I reached that stage of pregnancy. Also when he felt I deserved the "Silent Treatment" he wouldn't come near me!

Wizbit - you can have him, no rush to return him tho ;)
The trouble is I do feel sorry for him, I know that these were all behaviours I used to put up with but circumstances over the last few months have meant everything has changed and I can't keep dealing with this. Just had a really emotional lunchtime (at DCs new school) and DH came with us (no idea why!) and he knows how upset I am and there's no bloody support from him. This is supposed to be a partnership, we are supposed to be a team and instead I'm sitting here on MN crying because I just want someone to love me :(

((omg))

What was "supposed" to be may be a dearly held hope that he just doesn't fit into.

Hi.
Eric sent me here.
I'm a bit overwhelmed. Reading through some of the helpful links and recognising so much of my own life that it's scary.
I so want to be out of my marriage but I'm almost incapable of taking action by myself.
How did I get here?

Welcome MizzHyde, and you find yourself here too.

Tell us your story whenever you feel like it.

In time you'll work out which particular circumsances and bits of your upbringing and personality and his mean that you got to where you are today.

Be kind to yourself as you go through the emotional shock of discovering some hard truths about your marriage. There will always be someone on this thread to listen.

Do you have any RL life help? Do you know if and what help you need?

Thanks for the link Hissy but am in Ireland and can't find anything like that here :(

Thank-you.

I am lucky to have some really good supportive friends both online and irl. I find it enormously hard to accept help or understand why anyone would bother wanting to help me. I've assumed this is all my fault for a very long time.

I have to go to a marriage counselling session this evening. I saw the counsellor by myself last week and I think she understands my position, but she is very much in the place where she thinks he needs help, and we can still work things out. He is so manipulative and comes over as so reasonable, I can hardly blame her.

I'm still reading the Heartless Bitches page and am speechless. Maybe I should print it out and take it with me.

Alright, wizbit, picture this scenario: A nasty chap trots out the excuse "It's your fault, you made me angry!" about some nasty behaviour of his.

What does SuperHero wizbit say?