Advice please - Hubby admits BJ from prostitute whilst drunk

[LadyHarrop]

Hello - 1st time poster. But this is too intimate a prob to share with my friends, who also know him. If we do stay together, I won't want them knowing this.

I feel sick. Typing topic subject line has just made it feel real to me. I think I've been in shock since he told me last night.

We've been together 6 years, married for 2. I have always trusted him 100%. He is not the type to cheat on me, he's my rock, he's always reliable - that's why I picked him. In fact, of the two of us, I always thought I'd be the one to do something stupid - but I've never strayed since our early days.

I know he loves me, and he loves our life together. He says he's never been interested in anyone else. So why now? He says he was drunk and it was just bravado with his mate. He said it was horrible, and he wasn't in control. He didn't climax. And knew enough to not want full sex. I need to know why it happened. It can't just be that there was no deep seated reason, and he was just drunk, as then it would have happened before surely.

He's now a mess and very upset because he's worried he's caught something and doesn't want to pass it to me. And he's put our life together at risk. I know enough that he's not likely to catch much from a blow job. But sent him to hospital today. He said he didn't want to keep the truth from me, like some of his friends do from their wives.

What should I do? We're married - that means something to me. I love him, I love our life, I wanted a baby with him until 18 hours ago. But I know this will affect everything - when we next make love (and I imagine for months after), we'll both be thinking about it. When he next goes out without me, I'll not be able to trust him. And I'm also really afraid of is me going out and getting revenge by pulling someone (yes, in the past I've been that childish and self centred when drunk. So unfortunately a little bit of me does understand that stupid things can happen when out drinking)

Do you think we can get through this unscaithed?
Do you think lots of men do this (I get impression from a few comments, that at least a couple of his friends have done something similar)?

What should I do? He slept in spare room last night
Any advice greatfully received
x

I found this thread as it was linked (and mocked) from a forum for working girls and punters that I recently found my husband was a member of, having been seeing 'escorts' for the past few years of our marriage. Frankly I think it's disappointing that people see this as an opportunity to invent replies here and try and stir things up, rather than seeing the hurt and damage that is done to families when men in relationships choose to live that lifestyle.

are you ok, WOHmummy ?

I am sorry you had to see this (and the background to why you did)

I'm not too bad thanks. It's a few months now since I found out, so the shock isn't new any more (FTR he was someone I trusted 100% not to cheat, ha! More fool me) but I just discovered he's been back again. Discovering the extent of the industry has been an eye-opener for me, that's for sure.

are you still with him ?

I'd encourage WOH to start a new thread, so as not to be a target for wankernet.

yes, me too

something seems familiar though, WOH....did you have your own thread (don't link it if you did)

Yes, I am still with him. This time when I confronted him he's more or less had a breakdown and the doctor has diagnosed him with severe depression. I refuse to tackle this properly until he is well again. I understand everybody's opinions regarding the OP's issues here and I honestly would have been shouting the same things to her this time twelve months ago, however, until you're actually in the position yourself, you can't possibly say for definite what you would do. Certainly in our case, it's a lot more complicated, with more factors and issues than you would know given my brief outline of the situation.

I won't make another thread at the moment (and I haven't made one before, it must have been somebody in a similar situation) as I'm fairly well supported and not really in any need of advice, I just didn't agree with certain people coming and posting given what they had been saying about the thread and the people posting on the other forum.

So much of this thread has been filled with detail about posters' personal aversion to the use of prostitutes. I share these feelings, but I believe that the receipt of strident advice based on a poster's personal opinion about such matters can be agonising for an OP who has posted in a state of emotional turmoil. Marriages survive all sorts of things that outsiders would consider unconscionable. To my mind, what matters here is heart to heart discussion between husband and wife, joint visits to the GUM clinic and some good couple counselling to see what, if anything, can be salvaged and to help you, LadyH, decide, calmly and rationally, what you are going to do next.

ok, WOH, I am confusing you with a similar posting situation

I respect your decision to give him another chance

I hope he fully appreciates the sacrifices you are making, however

I strongly agree with SirSugar (very sound advice) and Worldgone Crazy.
if it genuinely is a one off then he has to definitely do pennance but at least you know now, although its going to be very hard not to be distrustful if he goes off for another of his weekends.
We all know blokes cover for each other but you'll be looking for changes in his attitude etc. Don't be soft with him this time though - just because he's owned up to it he may think he's got away with it & that in some way thats ok to do it again.

I must admit to straying with a prostitute and told my wife after three years of seeing just one prostitute, we always has safe sex as even blow jobs carry risk. My wife forgave me but we no longer have sex, I still see the same prostitute and have now been seeing her for 11 years (she now has three children by other guy's I belive one of them to be a punters may even be mine) I do know that sex without a condom is now almost as common as sex with a condom. If you can live with this guy good on you if you can't it's time to look for someone else

zombie thread

Ye gods, what sorry lad not has resurrected this ZOMBIE THREAD ?

hope his knob drops off

"I know enough that he's not likely to catch much from a blow job."

There is PLENTY of chance he can catch things from just a blow job :/ :/ :/ :/

She's a prostitute, she sucks dozens of cocks a day .. Did he have a condom on whilst he was getting sucked off?? I imagine not??

Urgh.. Just get yourself to the drs hun

Also have a google of stds and blowjobs ... :/

When I compare this person to the person I am married to?

You have a gem. You have a catch. He sounds lovely. I mean this. He VOLUNTEERED information? He gave you all the details? He told you how it felt? He has let you know how it feels?

What a gorgeous, generous man.

If you read Frank Pittman, you will see that a lot of men are driven into infidelity out of 'politeness'.

If you don't want him, can I have him? Intimacy is about being open and honest, no matter what. Saying who you are, how you feel, what you want, so the other person is in full possession of the facts, and can chose to accept or reject you. True vulnerability.

This one is a genuine, honest, treasure. It's not about making a mistake. It is what you do with the mistake. And what did he do? He turned to the person he loved, and opened up to her. You are the one he wants.

You are one lucky person and I am jealous.

I am serious. I know the other MN are probably going mental about the sex industry, but he tried to explain to you the [male, peer] pressure he was under, his BODY voted for you (he didn't come), and he shared his distress about what happened and how awful it made him feel.

Whatever else you read, please let me tell you that I wish, I wish I had this level of openness.

You have a goody.This is a good man and he wants you to not be outside any secrets. The exact opposite of cheating/an affair which is lies and secrets and having a separate life from you.

Zombie Thread.

Zombie Thread.