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Original poster

Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

1000 replies

h20 · 03/02/2011 11:09

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

OP posts:
batman47555 · 03/02/2011 12:11

this is the fastest tread ever, he weighed up the situation, made his move, and had is fun, time for you to get tough, tell him leave you alone or tell his partner

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:12

WWIFN I'm not sure it's appropriate to bring other threads into this. We have no idea of the OP's current circumstances, that relationship may be over.

Thingumy · 03/02/2011 12:13

You are projecting your own experience onto the h20's.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 03/02/2011 12:13

Ingrid, I'm sorry :( I'm not entirely sure that this situation is the same, though.

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:14

Thingumy, coud we agree to abandon the Hmm face and the as it's horrible to work with.

He ignored her verbal rejection. How likely was it he would have ignored her physical or even a louder verbal protestation? We don't know. But he clearly wasn't going to be happy about it.

He wasn't willing to leave easily or he would already have done so.

KikiJane · 03/02/2011 12:14

I've certainly chucked a bloke out of my house when I'd made it clear I didn't want to have sex with him and he tried to pressure me.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 03/02/2011 12:14

I also think you are projecting Ingrid.

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:15

The experience I had was extremely similar from what we are told.

thanks, Chickens.

KikiJane · 03/02/2011 12:16

yup, projecting.

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:16

Of course I'm projecting but the situations are so similar to almost be laughable.

Given the facts we have, you could say the same thing happened.

So it might be helpful to look at what I felt and thought regarding my experience practically in the OP's exact situation.

Thingumy · 03/02/2011 12:16

'But he clearly wasn't going to be happy about it.'

How do you know this?

OneMoreChap · 03/02/2011 12:17

Does no beggar read what the OP is saying?

I wasn't physically intimidated, but I felt like he was pretty determined once over the threshold. I did't say no or stop or anything. I realised once we started kissing that I wasn't feeling turned on, but I just went through with it anyway. It was all over in a few minutes.

She feels bad about it; she realises it was a mistake.

It was a mistake. It wasn't rape.

Yes, the guy's a sleazeball of having an extra-curricular shag. She knew he was attached which probably makes it worse for her.

Hopefully, she'll decide on a nicer bloke next time, who won't pressure her, and make sure she has a good time...

Oh and as a chap on this thread, men are wrong for shagging away. Women do it too, and there isn't some mystic sisterhood, because 90% of extra-curricular shags of both genders know the attachment status of who they are shagging.

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:17

Because he stayed around making her feel awkward when she had told him she wasn't interested. And then he touched her arse.

Fairly clear that he didn't think she meant it, yes?

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:18

'he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum'

She told him she was not interested.

jumpingcastles · 03/02/2011 12:18

Ingrid - you are so projecting this whole thing.

OP said she was fascinated. She also says she has never had problems with setiing sexual boundaries. She loved the attention and the guy got what he also wanted.

He is not to blame.

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:19

She loved the attention? Which part of the attention - his asking her for coffee, or his putting his dick into her?

I've agreed I am projecting. So?

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:20

and if the OP was so happy about it why does she feel like shit?

Hullygully · 03/02/2011 12:21

Just like a man - so literal. No one cares about the op any more. Now we all have a lovely big old fight.

jumpingcastles · 03/02/2011 12:21

Should she call the police ?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 03/02/2011 12:21

Yes, but then after he made a further move she didn't say no/ask him to stop/tell him to piss off. So I also think that it's dangerous ground to start implying rape here. Unless of course the OP (who actually had the experience) clarifies how she feels about it.

Hullygully · 03/02/2011 12:22

She feels like shit because she is embarrassed. Not abused/raped/intimidated/exploited/frightened. Embarrassed about what SHE did.

IngridBergmann · 03/02/2011 12:22

No, they won't do anything. Pointless.

What do you mean Hully - who's a man?

Thingumy · 03/02/2011 12:22

She regrets shagging him.Simple.

As I've said before H20 needs some work on her self esteem.

I hope she never gets herself into a sexual predicament where she feels like just going along with it.

KikiJane · 03/02/2011 12:23

I have also been in pretty much the same situation (possibly worse due to alcohol having been involved).

I made it clear on many occasions I wasn't interested, he kept pushing (physically and verbally), eventually I asked him to leave, demanded that he leave, and when he did finally leave I slammed the door in his face. Then I screened his calls until he stopped calling. I didn't have sex with him. Never once did I feel like I wanted to, nor that I might be persuaded. Had we had sex it would not have been rape or any kind of sexual attack. It would have been me deciding to be persuaded, which is a different thing altogether.

lockets · 03/02/2011 12:23

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