Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

[h20]

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

Oh dear, i feel for you!

As others have said, don't beat yourself up about it, shit happens. He sounds like a complete slimeball.

Delete this experience from your memory, we all do silly things sometimes

btw - what goes through your head when someone is trying it on, is often stuff like 'if I say no - what if it sounds rude - what if he won't accept that and forces me - what if nobody helps - he is bigger than me - he clearly wants this a lot and might not be able/force himself to stop - what if things get awkward, he is angry with me etc'.

This is heavy stuff for 9am. So it probably did seem easier just to let it happen.
I'm angry on your behalf that he did this to you - what about the partner, how horrible, he is a disgusting person, he really is.

I do have to say that I don't think he is disgusting etc (aprt from the cheating bit which isn't ideal), she did invite him for coffee and then have consensual sex. He did tell her he had a partner.

I agree Hully.

Marmynags, he is a bastard for putting her in a position where he was groping her and trying to kiss her and initiate sex while she knew he had a partner and he was grossly overriding the boundaries.

He was a bastard for telling her what to wear.

He was a bastard for knowing she didn't want to do it but making it subtly difficult for her to refuse (alone with a man who is probably bigger than her, and very turned on).

He is a bastard in so many ways.

h20 you got carried away - sexual feelings do take away natural defences - please don't worry about and don't beat yourself up about it. You had a more interesting morning than I had!

Of course he's a bastard. He has a partner and dc and shagged another woman while on the school run!!!!
Don't beat yourself up H2O. I have been in that position before when I was younger and kind of froze in fascinated horror and let it happen.
Go to the docs, sort yourself out and learn from it.
He sounds vile.

'A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum...'

He knew she wasn't interested and started touching her anyway.

She didn't said NO.

I assumed she kissed him and let it carry on.

The guy isn't a mind reader.

He is a bastard for cheating on his partner.

She did, she told him she wasn't interested. Then there was an awkward silence.

I'm guessing he knew exactly how uncomfortable she felt, and didn't apologise and leave quietly, but instead started touching her.

that to me is a bastard. She would have felt rude saying 'get out', and he didn't make any attempt to leave. A decent man wouldn't have been there angling for sex in the first place but he would have left when he knew she had misunderstood.

No, I don't agree with the 'disgusting' etc stuff that is being said about him, either.

He is clearly a total knob, but it doesn't sound like he took advantage of the OP. They had consensual sex, she now feels horrible about it. We've all been there.

i said he was disgusting in relation to the fact he was cheating on his partner.

Is that not disgusting?

Sorry, but I think the moment you asked him to your house, you knew where this was leading. I wonder what flashed through your mind? Did you think that "partner doesn't mean wife, so it's okay really?" and did you give yourself permission to flirt and maybe kiss?

You've both got to take responsibility for this, but what's done is done. If it wasn't protected sex, get an STI test done. Tell him in the clearest terms possible that you deeply regret what happened and that there will be no repeat performances. Thereafter, avoid him and out of respect for his partner, don't tell a soul about this. Hopefully she will get some evidence sooner or later about the sort of man she's with, poor woman.

So he's a total knob but he isn't disgusting.

Okay.

did you use protection right?
I would still get morning after pill

we haven't all been there at all Kiki. and that's not being smug, it's a terrible thing to accept, that you would have sex with a bloke, not really be in full consent but it's ok if you didn't like it and don't want to repeat it

i won't call him a bastard, but he certainly sounds a little more up for it than OP did.

It is disgusting. To shag someone in their kitchen when you have a partner and have just dropped your kids off at school especially when you know deep down they are not really interested, to just go ahead regardless is disgusting.
Its just wrong and sleazy.
I can't believe anyone thinks it isn't.

It's not about "knob" [thank you KikiJane] it's about h20

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

Fine, embarrassment passes; yes, you were a bit daft inviting him in "for coffee", and I bet you don't do that again.

What's there to feel OK about? You had sex; I'm sorry it was a crap shag, but what law have you broken? You're on your tod, you're allowed to have some enjoyment (well, try for some enjoyment, hopefully with a better ending next time)

It's wrong and sleazy on both the protagonists' part. The OP is not a victim in all this.

Actually OP did say no and even though she said no he continued to push for his need, by grabbing her and kissing her and then as the op had said no once, and been dismissed felt unable to say no again.

Whether she invited him back for coffee or not doesn't matter op can choose to say no at an point and a good man should respect that.

FFS she was consenting! She didn't say no, she didn't feel threatened into it, she wasn't physically forced. She knew it was a bad idea but essentially did it anyway, despite her misgivings.

Actually, inviting someone for a coffee at 9 in the morning on a schoolday is not code for "fancy a shag"
Maybe after a night out it is.
I agree OP isn't blameless, but she knows this and feels bad about it. He, on the other hand is probably grinning all over his face and no doubt planning his next extra curricular shag.

I think it's clear he's not a good man. Good men don't shag their children's classmates mum's just after the school run when they are in a relationship. The OP regrets it, understandably.