Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

[h20]

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

The OP never mentioned rape - she didn't really want to have sex but consented anyway.
She has taken responsibility for her part in it and feels ashamed and embarrassed.
My 'first time' was similar to this. He tried I didn't want to, but then for some reason I still can't work out, I just let him. I think I knew he wouldn't give up trying and thought it would be easier to get it over with. I didn't enjoy it, I felt like shit after but he didn't rape me - just took advantage.

Blimey!
The things that happen on a school run. After I have dropped the kids off I do a bit of shopping and some housework.

I think it would be a good idea to wait for the OP to come back, instead of imagining what was in her head, or his. I'm certainly willing to consider an alternative view on this, based on what the OP says.

From what i have read the OP has not been raped? unless i missed something in her thread..

Firstly - Your are bang out of order for sleeping with this man knowing fuly well that he has a girlfriend.
Secondly - You say no to men like this.

Get your self PG and STI checked as im guessing he has dont this type of thing before!

Sexual harassment is clearly present in this case if nothing else.

The profiles of a sexual harasser and a rapist are very, very similar and one thing often follows from the other...it isn't about sex. It's about power; making women uncomfortable, making it hard for them to say anything, or avoid you, or say no.

They WANT you to either get angry or to be nice and scared.

Thats how they get their kicks - it's nothing to do with sex. That's just a bonus.

Harassment of this kind os purely a power issue. Crawling is spot on there.

Wow, I'm pretty sure the OP won't expect to be coming back to this. It's turned into a right shitstorm and I think things have got blown a little out of proportion.

...or maybe he is just a normal, if sleazy, guy who thought that, when he invited her for 'coffee' in the middle of the day and she accepted, knowing he was married...and when she responded to him kissing her...that his luck was in?

There are two sides to this. I don't think we can automatically assume that what happened was rape without more details from the OP.

Where did the Op get raped, and where is this sexual harassment.

FFS.. she made a mistake.. she regrets it.

I agree......I wouldn't want anyone in my kitchen after a school run - you'd end up with soggy porridge in your nether regions!

OK, I'm sure someone else has already said this - haven't read the whole thread - but you wrote:

"Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested..."

You then wrote:

"I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen."

As far as I can see, you did say no. He ignored you. Yes, you went along with it eventually but the bottom line is that once you said no he should have stopped and left. We can all get carried away with sex, but that is why it is so important to stop the moment someone says no - because that is their head talking before their body starts to have its say. Heads are more reliable than bodies on this kind of thing.

You were silly for inviting him in. You shouldn't have shagged him. But the moment you said you weren't interested, he should have walked away. Prize twat.

Shitstorm it might be but all the FFSing and and sighing has come from you lot.

I'm trying to explain why these things happen so often and therefore are seen as fairly 'normal'.

Propagating the myth that a bloke like this is in no way to blame does women as a group no favours whatsoever - or men tbh.

I'm stunned at the common misperception that this is the woman's fault for not kicking him out.

lol rathlin - I keep thinking about the state of my kitchen when I get back from the school run.
Not the best place for a bit of the other

Nobody said he is not to blame - he is, that doesn't make him a rapist though. Just a cheating sleazebag who should keep it in his trousers.

I am shocked at everyones reactions here saying she wasnt raped because she didnt repeatedly say no is for me. That is what you are saying that it is ok to overide someones wishes if they are not forceful when they say no and it is the victims fault for not being forceful enough.

I think it is very difficult for some women to get out of a situation like this. I could imagine myself feeling scared to say no if I had got in the situation in case the man got violent. The OP, and women like her, need to work on their self esteem.

OP, when you go to school this afternoon, and tomorrow wear jeans/jumper**, ignore him. Practice what you are going to say if he approaches you.

** Yes, women should be able to wear what they want but if she wears anything remotely sexy he might see it as a come on.

OP, you need the morning after pill immediately.

I agree Fab - jeans and jumper would make it clear she wasn't interested in his little power games.

Ginnny, I didn't say he was a rapist.

Lots of assumptions on this thread.

I will be listening to h2o and her response on whether she thinks she was coerced into shagging this man.

Also if the op has had sex without a condom does that not also make you see he wanted to do it quickly before she had time to think clearly.

Me too, Thingumy.

Why was she in her house in the middle of the day with a married man she fancied, who obviously fancied her? No, of course it doesn't give him the right to rape her - it doesn't give him any 'rights' - but what did she think was going to happen? She is a grown woman. Surely she cannot be so naive as to think they were actually just going to have coffee?

and h20 should wear what the hell she likes on the school run.

Crawling, that is some severe conclusion-jumping.

The OP has not been raped, she invited him in her house, he started to kiss her and she reacted back in the same way therefore ending up shagging in the kitchen in no part of her OP that she said No and that he forced her!

Of course she should Thingumy, but if she wants to give him a metaphorical slap in the face, NOT wearing the suggested hold ups would be a start...

not that I think she was planning to wear them anyway, but it would make it very clear she was not interested and although he should know this and probably does know this already, it leaves him no way around it 'but you wore slinky tights, you were asking for it' etc etc.

It's two fingers up to him.
She doesn't have to do it though.