why oh why oh why!?

[Darnsarfupnorf]

Do I keep going back to him?!

im usualy quite a strong person, will speak my mind and assert myself when i need to so why when it comes to now ex (again!) OH am i such an idiotic pushover?!

hes treated me like shit over the last 18 months (see several other threads lol) hes messed me around, broken my heart, abandoned me when his new girlfriend threw a paddy about how much time we were spending together (i was pregnant with his cghild and barely saw him), together with her generaly made my life hell until he saw sence and fucked her off.

i (stupidly) took him back even though i knew it was wrong, hes not acted like a boyfriend at all over the last 3 months, avoiding sex and general physical contact, not replying to texts etc etc, ignored me from boxing day til new years eve even though i sent many frantic texts/left messages worried about the baby but to top it off he finnished with me at 11.30 on new years eve!!

im now 7 months pregnant and am just at a loss!! i was gonna say why does he think he can treat me like this but its because i let him...why do i let him!!?? why am i not furious with him for treating me like this?!

why am i so scared of being on my own? :(

Don't be daft, you haven't failed, your dad obviously ain't a dickhead like your babys dad.

Do you really want a tit like that in your babys life anyway?

Don't be daft, you haven't failed, your dad obviously ain't a dickhead like your babys dad.

Do you really want a tit like that in your babys life anyway?

no...no i dont and hes not gonna change

i know wishing things were different and dreaming of the perfect happy family arent going to help but you cant help it sometimes can you

i didnt have everything growing up but at least i knew i had a mum and a dad who loved me and i want her to have it too and although i know its not i feel like its my fault hes not going to be around for her

i know thats stupid, i know its him i just feel so bad for her

Well when she is older if she wants to know him, am pretty sure she will find him/get in contact :)

Do what you think is best :)

i hope she does, as long as she doesnt end up getting hurt

ive tried to do whats best and look where its got me lol, ive done my best and taken all the shit i can and he cant say i havent given him the chance

gonna stil back on the couch, watch the NTAs and much chocolate and not think about anything but good things about my new life with my baby

xxx

she will :)

you have tried you're best and he thrown it back in your face. fuck him he isnt worth it obv.

Good thats the way it should be :)

good luck with tomorrow :)

If your dad is still around, maybe he could be a great grandad for your baby?

Be good to yourself, and to your baby. Spare her the pain you know this man brings.

math my dad will be a great grandad :) we didnt really get on when i was growing up and things got bad enough for me to move out as soon as i left college but now this has really brought us together :) im getting support from all sorts of people but it seems so much more special comming from him, he'll be a lovely grandad

house hunting is much more of a priority now, i dont know when ill be able to go but i want to make it as soon as i can

as for him, he was ment to be here at 12 but so show so far but thats nothing unusual
got a message from his friend this morning telling me i can do so much better than him, she doesnt count him as a friend after seeing what hes done etc etc. im kinda taking it with a pinch of salt because ive been drawn in by false sympathy before (not from her though, ive not spoken to her since a congrats message she sent when i first got regnant) but its still nice to here i guess. sent her a polite reply but wont be persuing it

think i just need reasurance that im not over reacting and that im doing the right thing

What a wanker he didn't show up?

Fuck him off he isn't worth it.

OH NOOOOOO - you're not over reacting. Please, please, please don't give that thought one second more in your head.

I don't know why you wouldn't believe the message his friend sent. This woman sees him as he is. What else could there be to it?

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. Stop second guessing yourself.

You're sitting there all alone waiting for this man to turn up as he promised. This is how your daughter will be in a few years, wondering what's so wrong with her that her 'daddy' can't be bothered to arrive on time to see her or blows off visits altogether - if you let him into her life. Do you want this misery for your precious child?

If you cut the ties and move on, she won't have that misery to deal with. She'll have a lovely grandad who thinks she's the bees knees instead.

Which is better? You get to choose.

He showed up in the end, 2 hours late. i didnt really get an excuse but I guess it wouldve been along the lines of 'Im on nights so i overslept'...

math Ive been taken in by his friends flase sympathy before and its really bacfired on me, thats why I was sceptical.

I dont really know what we talked about, he was here to hours and were talking the whole time but didnt really seem to get anywhere.

he showed me the text she sent him saying he wasnt allowed to stay over for his paternity leave (it said 'your not staying over and if you do were over' not 'i'd rather you didnt' or 'id really prefer if you didnt')
I said pretty much what weve all said one here about if he really wanted to be a dad it wouldnt matter etc etc
after ALOT of me talking and him looking like a little boy being told off he managed to say 'once youve gone shes all ive got left', 'im scared im going to fuck our daughter up' and 'im not like my dad, im much worse'

I gave him a bag of some of his stuff I had lying around and told him I wasnt putting him on the birth certificate, explained why and he was really upset but said he understood. I also told him that if hes not prepared to stand up for himself and man up and do what he says he wants to do in being a dad then theres no point in him taking paternity leave.

I said what i wanted to say to him and I know hes going to read this (kinda glad he does, its easier to write down how I feel and get it all out rather than say it outloud)

we didnt seem to get anywhere so theres not much else I can do :(

Oh Darns he is as weak and as pathetic as l thought.

If he can't stand up to the She Devil about wanting to spend time and help out with his new born DD he is not a man - he is a mouse or louse take your pick.

Homestly you are well shot of him, he doesn't have the balls to be good dad to your DD.

Forget him now -move on and devote all your time and thoughts to your DD's arrival and leave him and her to it. They so deserve each other.

What an idiot this man really is.

He shouldnt let his g/f get in the way of him and his child.

You and your DD obviously deserve alot better than that.

Good luck.

yea she does, she needs her daddy to be there and look out for her not someone who acts like a flakey, scared little boy.

hes got no idea how long him and her are going to last, how much shes going to stand in the way or how much he'll regret it once ive gone.

either way hes going to lose his daughter because hes too scared of being on his own...which makes him more alone. i really dont understand!

its so frustrating because its obviously breaking his heart but if hes not gojng to be there for me or the baby then what more can i do? theres only so much i can give without getting anything back

I think you have done enough by the sounds of this thread.

He obviously isnt going to stand up to this girl/child. She will ALWAYS get in the way of you, him and baby.

I hate men that cant stand up to there responsibilites, some men just need to grow up, and by the sounds of it he is one of them men.

thats what i told him and i dont care if me going gives her what she wants because my life and my daughters life isnt one of her little games.

dont get me wrong, i understand why she wouldnt like him staying over but what kind of sicko gives an ultimatum like that? and what kind of idiot goes along with it?

sorry i know im goin round an round in circles, im just tryin to get my head round it

Your rite it isnt a game, its far from a game, and him or her should not be playing with your life or your daughters life.

Looking at what she said 'your not staying over and if you do were over' looking at that it does look like she is telling him what will happen if he does stay over. by the sounds of things on this thread you, babys dad and current g/f have been through alot of argument's over the last few month's? As i said though that is her getting in the way of him and you're baby before she is even born.
He should of choose the baby straight away, asuming he never though? He also should not be going along with her and doing what she is saying even if it does break them up, he should be there for baby. NOT HER.

'she needs her daddy to be there and look out for her not someone who acts like a flakey, scared little boy.'

Darns - she needs her MOTHER to be there.

Forget the OW. You haven't lost anything worth fighting for. She will live to regret what she has ended up with when he does he same to her when boredom sets in for him or when she's pregnant or the excitement of having two women fighting over him isn't there any more. Don't lose sight of your baby's welfare by being sucked into her game of competing for this rat.

Stop the fight, stop trying to make this man be something he isn't. What you set out to do is impossible and not what your daughter needs either.

sweet thats what i told him, there should be no competition! why would you even want to be with someone who would stop you seeing your baby? if it was the other way round and it was me saying he couldnt stay over when he obviously wants to then id be the worst person in the world! but because its her its fine...

ive tried every possible aproach i can and nothing works so ive just got to go and let him screw up his own life without screwing mine up too. our daughter might not be his priority but shes definetly mine

I dont understand why he would want to be with someone who would do that. I dont think that you are as bitter as her to even be like that if it was the other way around. do you think he will stay with this girl after the baby is born? Do you even think he wants her or is he just with her so he isnt lonely when you go?

He will screw his life up and probly the g/f too. All you baby needs is you NOT HIM if he is willing to put some childish girl in the way of him and his daugghter.

He is playing with both of you because he likes the ego boost that he gets when he thinks two women want him. No matter who he is with, there will always be the suspicion of someone else waiting in the wings.

sweet hes with her because hes scared of being alone, he near enough admitted that today

math he knows i dont want him, ive told him i dont want him for me, i want him for my daughter. hes begged for this chance of bein a proper dad to her and hes fucked up..again

its pretty simple, grow some balls or lose you daughter

Well he needs to tell her that i think. Its not fare on you or your baby and her and her baby. He probly wont he he will probly act like he is happy with her and still let you a your baby move even though thats not what he want's (if thats not what he wants). He sounds like a tit to be honest.

On the other hand, them to deserve each others un-happyness, if she has a problem with him staying at your house she obv dont trust him, and if she does trust him then she is just doing that to be a bitch (as we have all gatherd of this post she is a bitch) so they will not last.

Make sure you'r not there to pick up the peices for him as he hasnt really been there for you. he is a little boy that thinks he is something special (obviously he isnt) and you and you baby, dont need people like that in your lives.

why would you think it appropriate for him to stay over for 2 weeks, more or less move in when he has a partner elsewhere? TBH I'm not surprised the girlfriend doesn't want it, no matter what kind of person she is, I don't know her other than a few angry posts on here. You seem to be using this 'giving him a last chance' to sort of blackmail him into amost leaving his girlfriend (at least for a little while) - what is the point of this? He can still come round and visit and get involved through the day, to give you a break and help.

You need to decide whay you want to do and what is best for you and the baby and suit yourself withought any thought to him. When the baby is born and you're at your parents then you can see if he still wants access and arrange it accordingly. Good luck.