why oh why oh why!?

[Darnsarfupnorf]

Do I keep going back to him?!

im usualy quite a strong person, will speak my mind and assert myself when i need to so why when it comes to now ex (again!) OH am i such an idiotic pushover?!

hes treated me like shit over the last 18 months (see several other threads lol) hes messed me around, broken my heart, abandoned me when his new girlfriend threw a paddy about how much time we were spending together (i was pregnant with his cghild and barely saw him), together with her generaly made my life hell until he saw sence and fucked her off.

i (stupidly) took him back even though i knew it was wrong, hes not acted like a boyfriend at all over the last 3 months, avoiding sex and general physical contact, not replying to texts etc etc, ignored me from boxing day til new years eve even though i sent many frantic texts/left messages worried about the baby but to top it off he finnished with me at 11.30 on new years eve!!

im now 7 months pregnant and am just at a loss!! i was gonna say why does he think he can treat me like this but its because i let him...why do i let him!!?? why am i not furious with him for treating me like this?!

why am i so scared of being on my own? :(

How are you?

not to bad thankyou :)

theyre all loved up and everything but im not letting it bother me, at the end of the day i get baby all to myself and hes stuck with her and her kid til it all goes tits up and hes left with nothing lol

im househunting at the moment, not going to well but ive got a little while yet

things are ok between me and him, were civil and he comes round to help with bits around the house that i cant do now. ive started forming more of a support group now so i dont have to be dependant on him so im feeling a lot better and a lot less lonely :)

wow, this is one very long thread lol

Shivo dont sound like a nice person to be honest. with her first post, and you can hardly understand it :/. although i am in a simular situation as she is in. My partner cheated and got his ex pregnant, he wants to marry me and have children now though dont think thats a good idea :/. my partner is alot older than me though he should have more sence.

Your babys dad sound like a twat. it good that you can be civil with him though :)

How long have these two people been together? i dont really like reading about women letting men like that in their kids lives if it's not his child.

yea yours sound like pretty similar situations, i try and sympathise a bit because i dont know how id be if it was the other way round

i think your both well rid, you deserve better than someone whos gojng to cheat on you :)

they were together about 7 months the first time and they got back together just after xmas. i dont know what all this is doing to her poor kid, one minute hes living with them and shes calling him dad, then hes dissapeared off the face of the earth and shes being told off for asking for him and hen hes back in her life again playing happy familys. she must be so confused poor kid but i guess shes young enough to get over it.
none of my business anyway i guess

at least now were both focused on whats right for mine, thats all that matters to me really :)

Its not nice being in that situation, but i do guess with me and my partner its either learn to trust him or break up.

Everyone says am better off with out him

She shouldn't be shouting at her kid for asking for him if she let the kid in his life.

Good luck with you and you'r babys dad, my advice to you would be not to let her get in the way of you two and your child :)

sounds like your much more sensible and reasonable :)

new update though:

we went to antenatal class today (me and him) it was his first week because he was ill last week. he was really good and was generaly lovely and got involved with everyhting so i thought things were looking up :)

but in the taxi home we were chatting and he mentioned that he wont be staying at mine for his paternity leave as planned (he begged and pleaded for this so he could get the chance to be a full time dad even if it was just for a few weeks)because shed put her foot down.
we didnt have time to talk properly and i didnt really want to do it in the taxi so i phoned him after id calmed down a little bit at home.
hes comming round on thursday to talk properly, not that itll change anything.

although im upset with her for throwing a paddy again i can kind of understand why although if she thinks im gonna be in the mood to jump him in the 2 weeks after ive given birth then shes dillusional!
im fuming with him for not standing up to her, not growing a back bone and not following through with his promises..again!

i feel so stupid and like everythings been thrown back in my face again. worst though i feel so alone now and so defeated

darna
dont you think you may feel defeated 'cause you picked the wrong battle

i dont know wether im more angry or dissapointed :(

justfor i only tried to do what i thought was best, just wanted my baby to have a dad in her life and after he begged and pleaded to me let him be a part of it only to change his mind after she throws a tantrum...

i cant try anymore im just at the limit of shit i can take

darna
there will be plenty of time for dd to establish a relationship with her father
now is not that time though
com on girl take yourself do bed

thanks justfor :)

i was so keen because im moving down to be nearer my parents soon after the babys born but its his fault im moving so...

yea im off to bed now, you should be too!

you r right I should be too
but I am not the one who's giving birth in a few weeks
you need all the sleep you can get now...as after... who knows
laters...

Darnarf - you are involved with a spineless git who is going to take paternity leave fraudulently and who hides behind his current girlfriend, using her to make excuses for his selfishness. He is still playing the two of you against each other. If he wanted to help you out and see his baby, wild horses wouldn't keep him away.

Have you seen the light? Do you see the sort of man he is, who would use his own baby as an excuse to take time off work but not be there in any way, shape or form to help you with her or pay any attention to her? Some 'daddy' for your poor baby.

Cut him out of your life, for the sake of your baby, and for the sake of your sanity.

You will not be able for these games when she is born. The post natal period can be horrible even with a lovely partner, an emotional roller coaster. You do not need this drama in your life right now or for the foreseeable future.

'i know he'll be amazing for the 2 weeks he gets paternity leave because she'll be new and a novelty and he'll be playing the devoted father to try and get me to stay around'

'he mentioned that he wont be staying at mine for his paternity leave as planned (he begged and pleaded for this so he could get the chance to be a full time dad even if it was just for a few weeks)because shed put her foot down.'

(1) Please don't ever post again that you know he'll be a fantastic father. I am so sorry to rub your face in this. But really, can you see now what so many people have been saying to you all over this thread??? So many posters predicted this. He has absolutely no interest.

(2) He knows you're going to hang around. You have hung around this far and he knows you will always be there to provide the drama he needs, and the feeling that he has two women at each others' throats for him, no matter what he does to you, no matter how much he lets you down, no matter how much he cheats, no matter how much he hurts you. He has you wrapped around his finger. It's all a game for him. He knows you demand nothing in return - and he gives NOTHING in return. The odd bit of help around your residence is NOTHING, just enough of the carrot to keep you hoping, while he laughs at you behind your back.

He has put you through hell, abandoned you for another woman while you're pregnant with his baby, made a great show of devotion in front of other people at the class, then immediately dropped the latest bombshell on you in a place where you couldn't rip into him. Slimy turd.

i am afraid i ought to agree with the 2 poster above having followed this thread from the start

I also truly hope he will not turn up when you register the child birth
I said it before but I repeat it, the best you can do for you dd would be to give her your surname

had to give in and go to bed last night, guess im not a hardcore MNter like you 2 yet :p

hes comming round tomorow to talk about it, i wasnt in the mood last night and now ive had time to think about it i can tell him exactly what i think more clearly.

im gonna tell him pretty much what youve all said, been thinking about it all night and theres nothing much else i can do.

i told him this was his last chance and i ment it so all i can do is follow it through.
im not gonna say 'its her or me' because then im as bad as her and im better than that. ive made the desision for him and he wont like it but tough shit, its his doing

yea itll be hard but atthe end of the day ive done my best and now i can give in and enjoy having my baby all to myself :)

Darnsarf, better to peel off the plaster fast because in the end it's pain for a shorter period than when you leave it dangling.

This thing he does of coming around to talk is just a way to keep you sweet, you realise that? He sees it as a foot in the door so he can play with your mind. You're sitting there waiting until tomorrow for the bullshit words of love or wisdom or whatever that he has given no thought whatsoever to; he will just say whatever he thinks you want to hear and he won't mean it if there's any affection or reassurance or any promises there. (Why can't he come today? Because he's giving you time to cool down after the taxi? Because the gf would be mad with him if he saw you too many days in a row?)

Glad you're going to leave it all behind you. It's not "giving in" to turn your back on him and the mess he has made of his life and his chances. It's not a loss for you, and it's not a surrender. You're not giving in, you're going out and getting something far better than you've had up to now. Actually what you've been doing up to now is giving in to manipulation and 'settling' for far less than you deserve.

So the GF gets him. Don't you think she should be careful what she wishes for, after your experience of him? What sort of prediction would you make for their relationship after your experience with him? How long after you're out of the picture before there's another woman stringing along adding spice to his life and he's telling the gf the same lies he told you?

Enjoy your baby, all by yourself . Get away from this man and move back to your family. Don't put his name on the BC.

Don't let him come around he will only try to change your mind again, or even worse he will promise to come for his 2 week paternity leave then let you down again. He is NEVER going to be allowed to stay with you no matter what he says and he really has no backbone.

Save yourself the misery and hassle, Phone him and tell him your decision and the get on with making a new life for you and your DC.

Chin up

math he didnt come round today because i had plans so i told him to come tomroow, he wouldnt have come at all if i hadnt told him too because as far as hes concerened theres no issue.

i feel like im giving in. stupid i know but i feel like ive failed

i give hem 6 months before one of them gets bored, itll be to late then and me and the baby will be long gone so i wont be here to crawl back to
knowing them everything will have changed next week so god knows what could happen in the 8 weeks before babys born. his mum recons theyll be married and divorced by then lol

doha he needs to grow a backbone, a heart, a brain and a pair of balls.
he knew this was his last chance, i told him shed be like this and i told him hed be like this when she was

as naive an stupid an whatever as i sound i really ment it this time, i cant take anymore. i said when i gave him this last chance that if he screws up again then i can go home knowing i gave him every chance i could and id be satisfied that i had :)

So now you have made your decision why has he got to come round???

It is wasting both his time and yours, You can say what has to be said in a text--unless you are expecting him to fall to his knees begging for yet another chance, which l must confess, you will give him.
Really really hope l am wrong on this tho

You haven't failed and you haven't lost.

I also want to know why you are going to have him around for this conversation that you've apparently already had? You've told him what you want to tell him. He knows how you feel. What more is there to say?

Like Doha, I think you keep on having him around hoping he'll fall at your feet and say he's sorry and he hates the OW and he only wants you. You keep on giving him chances to string you along every time you have this conversation with him. He doesn't believe "I mean it this time" any more than a child would, because you haven't meant it in the past - you're still there, still giving him space in your head, still telling him it's his last chance, trying to convince him of what he's going to lose.

It is really hard to accept that someone doesn't feel for you the way you feel for him, and you have shown this by saying he doesn't seem to have feelings for the baby, becaue on some levels it's easier to cope with his rejection of the baby than his rejection of you. You have hung around so long because you're hoping when he sees the baby he'll change his heart. Being there and available never made one reluctant man want a woman more - all it does is make him take you for granted.

I also think you should just text him and say 'don't bother, and don't text back.'

I agree with what everyone is saying.

If he promised he should stick to it, but obviously that ain't going to happen :/

you should get out this mess while you can, text him and tell him not to bother you again. And if he does text you back don't give him the satisfaction or replying to it.

My ex is a tit for cheating but he is standing up for his responsibilities and i wouldn't dream of getting in the way of that.

Good luck and keep us up dated

im having him round because, as pathetic as it sounds, neither of us can afford to do it over the phone.
id rather do it face to face anyway, kicking your babys dad out of her life by text seems a bit jeremy kyle...no offence

i know it doesnt sound it but i realy, truely dont want him back, yea the rejection is hard but we tried getting back together and it made me realise i didnt want him.

i want my baby to have her daddy and have everything i had and more and i know i cant give her that, thats why i feel like ive failed :(

Don't be daft, you haven't failed, your dad obviously ain't a dickhead like your babys dad.

Do you really want a tit like that in your babys life anyway?

Don't be daft, you haven't failed, your dad obviously ain't a dickhead like your babys dad.

Do you really want a tit like that in your babys life anyway?