The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Christmas Party (part 2)

[TheMousefaceBeforeChristMouse]

Hello

I'm Mouse.

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus - Gerald! Blame Silver for the name!

We are a group of MNers who post about our relationship with alcohol and how drinking it, or not, has an effect on our day to day lives.

Come and meet the other Brave Babes, say hi, take a seat or just read.

Here are the threads so far

Just to be clear.

I fully understand and sympathise with all the reasons for drinking because I've used them all myself.

I also have to tell you, in case you were wondering, that I definitively HAVE NOT sworn off drink for life.

What I have done is accepted what drink does to me and that, barring a medical miracle, that is never going to change.

My sobriety is an incredibly selfish thing. I stay sober, one day at a time, for ME - because, when you're like me, drinking is a horrific, messy, painful thing. I know my sobriety makes my mum incredibly proud and happy, makes me easier to have fun with for my friends, and is very much a deal breaker in my family life - but it's not for them, it's for me.

And my next drink is going to be exactly the same as my last drink, until it becomes worse.

Things have happened in my sobriety where no one alive could have blamed me for drinking - lost relationships, lost jobs, depression, moving house, moving city, deaths in the family, a difficult birth of my daughter, a very real fear at one point that she was going to die ... And the reason I didn't do so is not because I am a saint, but because, finally, I like ME and didn't want to make a bad situation worse.

So please don't think I am judging you for drinking in happy or sad times - it is 100% your affair. But, having tried it, I feel it only fair to warn you of its shortcomings if you are like me.

No sweat MIFLAW - i don't always agree with your posts but I read them and respect them, and respect you for taking control back.
The key phrase, if I am being honest, in your last post was "finally, I like ME" and I think that perhaps I am not at that point yet in my life. Perhaps I feel I'm not worth the battle, giving up isn't going to change the major issues in my life so why bother? Defeatist and negative, I know, but am thinking deeply about all of this, and I think this is a key sticking point for me.

I guess what would be better Mouse is if I said (and meant) 1 glass of wine a night is my only vice, then its not so bad. 1 bottle a night isn't an 'only vice' but a problem. And your right in that I hate relying on others - would much rather be giving help than receiving it.

My car is now sitting outside my parents house and is working - YEAHHHH.

HOw are you this morning NOteven - Repeat after me 'I am not useless, I am an amazing Mum who has been doing really well recently handling a new house, new job, poorly DD and problems with DP. Keep telling yourself that and believe it because I do as I am sure alot of BB's do aswell

Zany - yes, I suppose it does read better like that!

I wish my parents would have the 'odd' cigarette. This is from an ex-smoker BTW, the worst kind!

For me, it's got to be about control. I am a control freak, I know that I am. I have huge OCD/anxiety issues that drinking too much only exacerbates.

And yet, I still drink. Nowhere near as much as I did. No way but the odd glass or two......

I am very aware of the risks, in that it may lead to another, and another etc but I still have that first one.

I am so glad you have your car back.

Off to physio now that DH has dug the car out. Back later Babes xx

Morning BBs

Just checking in.

Family all here later and brother coming home from 4 years in prison today - going to be an emotional fucking hard work day.

xxxx

How lovely (and emotional) Silver that your brother will be with you all for Christmas. HAve you seen him in the last 4 years

Silver - how wonderful! Hope the emotions don't get too heavy and that you all have a great time

Hope it all goes okay Silver

Take 'it' an hour at a time xx

Good evening all

Hope your day/evening goes well Silver can only imagine the emotions everyone will be feeling at having your brother home.

Glad your car is feeling better Zany! Mine is still mid way through its MOT, it needs windscreen repaired and they have run out of relevant stuff! Thankfully we have another ancient run around so managed to get out today and see my mum

DH took today off work and it has been lovely having some family time B4 the madness of Christmas. I had a lunchtime glass of wine today and felt slightly tipsy I cannot recall the last time it took only one glass to get this effect!

How did it go at physio Mouse? Hope it helps Nemo (and you) get a better night's sleep.

Speak soon - Tes x

Tes - they have taped me up again (it's me that see this physio not Nemo, his comes here) and I had hydrotherapy today which was fab.

Floating off in warm water. Aaaaghhhh, bliss.

My physio has also taken a crutch away so I now just use the one!

Whoooooooooo-hoooooooo!

Plus I can bend (squat) for the first time since having Nemo. I just need to get all my mechanics working again and I'll be fixed.

Hope you are all okay this evening Brave Babes. xx

"The key phrase, if I am being honest, in your last post was "finally, I like ME" and I think that perhaps I am not at that point yet in my life."

Ma - I didn't get sober because i liked me.

I like me because i got sober.

And so I now work hard to MAINTAIN that sobriety because of where I have got as a result of that sobriety.

If you wait until you feel worth it you're probably in for a bloody long wait.

Have a good evening everyone. Silver especially, will be thinking of you.

I will be taking it one step at a time this evening. I'm waiting for my dsis to arrive (she might not if the snow is too bad) so it's all a bit uncertain, and I am of course kind of stressed because there is about 3 days work to do to get 'everything just perfect'. I am going to go now and getting some things a good deal less than perfect, and I am sure everyone will be entirely happy with that.

I have my raspberry juice ready in the fridge, and tonight I will not be drinking.

Babes I need your help tonight. DH & DS have gone to the pub and i have remembered a bottle of very special liquer that I bought in France this summer and saved for Christmas. I really, really want a sip - just to try it of course. But we all know where that will lead..

BB I know just how you feel, that is how I was last Sunday. When will DH and DS be back? What can you do in the meantime?

First of all - have a drink of water, also put the kettle on and make a cup of tea and drink it. Please, please, just do those 2 things.

They've only just gone so will be away for a couple of hours. I've made tea and will have a go at the ironing pile - as a ditraction it isn't very inspring, but I guess it will have to do.

BB believe me, and remember your own history, and you WILL realise that you do not need something inspiring tonight - what you NEED is to stay sober.

Can you plan in 30 minute intervals? 30 mins of ironing, 30 minutes to make some soup? 30 minutes tidying your bedroom? 30 minutes in the bath? The time will pass, and you will be so glad that you have not started on the liquer.

Are there any Christmassy film on BB that you can watch with a hot chocolate or something. I'll have a look now

There is Christmas with gordon - will make you think of happy Xmas's being sober when they come home (not being judgemental just putting myself in your shoes
If you have sky movies then there is The Time Travellers Wife which will keep you engrosed (partly to work out the plot)

Thanks Zany only terrestrial telly here, but I think I will watch retro 2 Ronnies and finish present wrapping, there wasn't much ironing left! But venus is right there are plenty of little Xmas tasks I can get on with.

I might wrap the bottle up and think about giving it away to someone. Just not sure who would appreciate it as much as me. I have a rather odd prediliction for medicinal flavoured drinks eg root beer, dandelion and burdock - this is violet flavoured...

BB - you can do this. Balls to the liquer!

Tell it to STFU! (Shut The Fuck Up)

Don't let it undo all your hard work, you are worth more than that.

Just take it slowly, keep busy as venus says. xx

Zany - I have read The Time Traveller's Wife. I loved the book but cried buckets so the film would be pointless, wouldn't be able to see a thing!!

OOh - it is chuche violette? We had somethings like that with friends who like in France - had it with champagne (like a kir royale) it has the smell of parma violettes.

For me it was one of those typical holiday things - tasted great when we were drunk in the sun with friends, but bought some to bring home, and here it tastes vile - specially in winter. Just been to look and we still have three quarters of a bottle left. If an old alkie like me can leave it laying around for a couple of years it must be a rubbish drink!

But I shouldn't rubbish it too much BB, I'm sure someone would love it as a present - wrap it up and put it under your tree - so who comes to claim it!

to everyone

Hello venus mouse and BB

DD's birthday today. Was OK but DH very off colour with his depression and I think I'm getting ill! Grrrrrowwwwllllll.

Just cooked my Christmas ham. It is looking good!

venus got duck in freezer for Christmas Day. Any idea of how long it will take to thaw? (for everyone else, venus is the cooking meister. By the way I forgot to email you the turkey recipe for Ottolenghi I guess I am too late?)

venus I felt the same about Ouzo as you do with the chuche violette!

OK the Creme de violette is wrapped and Dsis is getting it. Crisis over for now. Christaina I would get the duck out now, you could put it in a cool place like porch or garage if you don't have room in the fridge - make sure it is well wrapped though. Tomorrow evening you can bring it into the kitchen which will be cool overnight and it should be well defrosted on Xmas morning.