The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

[Mouseface]

Welcome to the Bus!

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

thanks red . It's bizarre at the moment as I don't trust my judgement at all. I thought am I being really rude and selfish? So maybe I am - but it's GOOD selfish, sober selfish!!

Feel much better now

and happy christmouse! I've got as far as buying wrapping paper but nothing to put in it!

Hi threesteps - I'd go with your first instinct - if you don't feel strong enough yet to go to a boozy event then meeting them another time sounds great. Is it selfish, well maybe, but this IS the right time for you to be selfish about your health and your commitment to being sober. If you had any other health problem e.g. if you had a nut allergy, your friends wouldn't expect you to come to a peanut factory, not for any reason.

In your position I would have found it all too easy to 'give myself permission' to drink - after all, it was all for the sake of another friend, but I would know deep in my heart that I was doing it 'cos I wanted an excuse to get pissed.

You won't be a recluse for ever - and you will develop ways of saying no, and meaning no. Have a peaceful night and plan for a good time when you see people on Sunday. If you feel particularly guilty about X then call them up separately and have a chat, or send them a chatty email.

Your not being selfish at all threesteps it shows you've come a long way as from reading past posts you would have gone before and then listened to the voice telling you it's OK to have a drink as a well done. Sounds like drink would be a big feature so you've done the right thing, however difficult it is. :)

threesteps it's definitely a good selfish. At this stage sobriety is your number one focus. Because if you're not sober you will (eventually) lose anything else you value anyway.

You've done the right thing.

(Total hypocrite I know re sobriety at the moment. Defo talking the talk here and not walking the walk )

hi venus and thanks . That's it exactly, I know I would cave and drink tonight, and X will be around on Sunday so I can see them then.

It's good to hear you say I won't be a recluse for ever! I'm imaginging I'll have to prised off the wall of the house like a barnacle as I just can't imagine I'll ever be able to go happily to drinky situations without feeling terrified about drinking and inevitably caving.

Hey ho. Another Friday night in my pyjamas .

How are you today, sounds like you've been busy?

Hi Zany what have you got planned as your strategy for tonight (I think you're off out later?) When I was trying to control or limit my drinking I found that it was easier if i started the evening with a soft drink. Somehow if I went srtaight for a G&T or wine, all my resolve disappeared, but if I started with a soft drink, it somehow strengthened my intention (re-inforcing message to my unconscious maybe ??) and I would definitely drink less, and sometimes (very rarely though) not at all - just couldn't be bothered switching to alcohol after an orange juice.

I am not sure if I am envious of mouse having a couple of drinks. Like others on here, I am really not sure that i could trust myself once I started, I think in all honesty I would start with one drink with the intention of 'seeing how it goes and I think we can all guess where that would land me .

Sorry steps - X posted. Agree with the other babes here that you HAVE TO BE SELFISH.

Damage limitation, self preservation, whatever it takes for you to keep NOT drinking.

It's not forever, it's for as long as it takes for YOU to take control back from booze.

venus that's a really good suggestion about starting on a soft drink. If I ever got to the point I felt I could control my drinking, I would definitely do that, almost like you're giving yourself breathing space before deciding what direction the evening's going to take. Perhaps Becks 0% if you like beer zany? It does taste just like the real thing!

mouse and red I aspire to be someone who can have 2 drinks and leave it there. I'm seriously impressed!

Yes, I've been busy today, and now busy on here .

Silver thanks for asking how I am. I am OK (I think) - rather hectic and I am very conscious of the approaching 'festive' season and all that it brings - and all that it has brought in previous years - being the perfect excuse for drinking at lunchtime, drinking with strangers, having a mulled wine to warm up etc. It has made me a bit reflective - I often thought I was having a great Christmassy time, when in reality I was only indulging my latent alcoholism.

I am also trying not to project about this year and worry about how things will go, but I am a little worried that I might 'allow' other people to reward me for being so good. I think I need to plan my alternative festive, happy time (and perhaps that might include some AA meetings??) enjoying the frosy weather, the sparkling lights - maybe driving to places that are wintery, making mince pies, cutting out snowflake decorations - a return to my childhood perhaps?

Oh, and DP e-mailed this afternoon to say he's been 'ringfenced'(!) and his job is safe . Go DP!!!

I aspire to be someone who can have not drinks - AND NOT CARE

NO drinks
No drinks

threresteps ironically you'll probably find he now gets really restless at work and starts hankering for a slight change in direction!

Glad to hear that news though.

That is great news threesteps, absolutely delighted for you both, you must be so relieved:)

selfishness is needed sometimes!, call it self-preservation though! - i had to go to a couple of work dos in the first few weeks and it was bloody hard!!! i cannot contemplate 'a couple of drinks', it would absolutly lead on to a total binge!!

we are having lunch with my bf on sunday - she has just rung from tesco to ask what juice or special drink i would like her to buy for me 'as i deserve a treat'! , how lovley of her!!! previously i would have been mightliy pissed off to be offered juice with sunday lunch!

good news threesteps!!!

at venus and her awesome typos!

Go step's DP and his job being safe.

It's beginning to look a lot like ChristMouse...............

......I need to keep myself busy for fear of driving you all mad!

ChristMouse try again...

Better.

Take it you like Christmas Mouse:)

I bet you're right venus !!

Thanks desire, I am hugely relieved, especially for him as he's only been there 2 years after being made redundant from his job before that as they shut the place.

Have to go and finish work up for today. Will check in later this evening. Thanks as always for your advice

Have a good afternoon everyone xx

thurso you posted about feeling sad...

Have you seen the models about change and bereavement which describe a number of stages that people go through when adapting to an change in circumstance.

The original was the 5 stages of grief and this has been adapted and expanded by many others.

I particularly like this diagram and I can see myself and many others on here going through the stages (sometimes more than once ).

I have seen the anxiety / denial that there is a problem at the beginning, followed by an immediate relief on finding these threads that there are other people like me and that there is hope that something will get better, followed by fear that we won't be able to do it and fear of what life might be like without alcohol to help us cope, often accompanied by guilt about what we have done to ourselves and our families and the embarassing things that have happened, then perhaps a bit of sadness / depression at the inevitability of the consequence of having an alcoholic mind, hopefully followed by an acceptance of changes and a realisation that it can be OK and that it can be good.

Where am I today? Gradual acceptance i think - able to see myself in the future. But as with all of this - one day at a time.

Back again, thought I should get some work done today. Yes venus out later and tommorrow, my social life is like a bus at the mo, I'm usually at home with DC's and DD (darling dog. he he).

Not the best situation tonight as I don't know people very well but don't want to go down the nervous route of "sipping" gulping my wine, might try the beer threesteps. Unfortualtely tomorrow night will be worse as I'm out with my closest friend for her birthday and we tend to encourage each other, and then dare each other to do stuff.

May not seem like it but I am a very responsible Mum most of the time.