The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

[Mouseface]

Welcome to the Bus!

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

JWN I got DD to go through my wardrobe with me to help me update - we didn't thow too much away actually, just did things like breaking up suits into a jacket to be worn with black trousers/jeans separated from the skirts that could be worn with newer tops. Also retrieved a few things I had been keeping 'for best' to wear more often. Then treated myself to a couple of new, more trendy, 'best' items and vowed to integrate them into my everyday wardrobe after a few months of 'best' iyswim.

BB good morning.

ma I know the exact feeling you are talking about. I call it the 'fuck it' moment. Anything can 'cause' it. Or rather I will use any excuse to get there. I am not the best person for advice at the moment as I am drinking on and off. The only thing that I can say is that drink NEVER makes things better. Not for us anymore. Is there anyone in RL that you could call up and have a chat with? Or go for a bath? Or have a soft drink first to see if you are just thirsty? Sorry to be a bit crap! Just wanted you to know that I understand exactly what you are talking about and going through.

Demented and Red, know exactly what you are both talking about, alcohol has become such an intrinsic part of our lives that we do say 'fuck it' when we are feeling down but we all know that we will feel worse in the morning and that we will have changed nothing in our lives.

desire I think that all of us on this thread are very familiar with the 'fuck it' moment. It's been part of our lives for many years! I think that it was JWN who coined the term, 'Tell it to fuck the fuck off!' Which is probably what we need to do! How are you anyway?

Red, bit fed up at min but that's more to do with day to day stuff rather than to do with alcohol! How are things with you?

desire things are shit in some ways (divorce, debt, problems with parents) but fantastic in others (FB, work, friends - both in RL and on here) so it's all just a bit of a head-fuck to be honest. (I don't think I have stopped swearing since I got on the thread this morning!) I shouldn't be drinking of course but I already knew that! Sorry that you are fed up though, ugh!

It will pass Red , am probably just tired! You have a lot on your plate at the minute, you stressing about meeting ex this evening or are you ok about it?

I am OK about it. I texted him and asked him to keep it as amicable as possible. It should be a quick meeting to sign some stuff and for me to get some clothes. If he starts mouthing I will just ignore him. I live in a pretty small town so he is aware of FB (he doesn't know him but he knows where I am living etc) so he's pretty upset about that, funnily enough. But hopefully we can get through a few mins smoothly. I will no doubt report back on Monday! Thank you for asking

Hope it all goes off ok for you Red

Beginning to look like the Red and Desire thread at the minute , have we scared everyone off again??

desire thank you!

And yes, is there anyone else out there?!?

Still here, just contemplating about the date I've arranged for next week, getting cold feet

hope it goes OK Red, not easy to have to keep seeing the person who you've split with whether amicable or if you have a FB

zany I didn't realise you'd organised a date!! How exciting! Can you give any more details? (Will understand if not, of course!)

Red There's been quite a few messages between us on POF (Plenty of Fish) and he seems OK, his emails have made me laugh which is good and he trained as a chef which is a bonus he he. Just feel a bit nervous, not helped by my ridiculusly low self asteem.

Zany, you have nothing to lose by meeting him, you never know this could be the start of something fantastic and if not there are plenty more fish in the sea:):)
Where is Mouse this morning, hope everything is ok?

To be honest as shallow as it sounds I'm not sure if I fancy him looking at some of this other pix on his profile

:):) Zany, maybe it's better that way because then there is no real pressure on you to impress him and you can just relax and have some fun

Morning Brave Babes.

Been catching up and nodding in agreement as I did.

ma - I have had more 'fuck it' moments than hot dinners during my many battles with the booze.

For me, it's easier to say 'fuck it' and give in than not. Even now.

I can give you a huge list of excuses why I am going to/want to/should etc drink today. In a hearbeat. I can reel them off to you. But it all amounts to the same thing, justifying the desire to drink.

I bet not one of us has poured that first drink simply to fill the glass, save it being empty, or because that Shiraz looks great in it. No.

We've poured that first drink for it to be consumed. I've never poured a drink and thought, I don't want this but I'm going to drink it because it's Friday night. Never.

I pour the drink because I WANT it.

Why do I want it? No idea when you 'play the film to the end' and see what a mess it will all be if you continue.

I still have no more than 2 drinks if I do drink but why do I still feel the need/desire to have it in the first place?

To keep DH company? No. To take the edge off? That's what my meds do so no. To relax? No because I then worry and stress about why I am drinking........

It's amazing how intense those 'fuck it' moments really are.

desire - ta-da!!!

:):) Mouse

zany I agree with desire you can just relax and have a bit of a laugh. When are you meeting him?

mouse another fab post!

Morning Campers

How is everyone today - some up, some down but HEY we are all still here.

Just catching my breath after a manic week at work - phew thank god that's over.

JWN - FRUMPY not in a million years you glamour puss - how dare you think that!

Zany - you must have been attracted to him if you've chatted on-line - sometimes attraction can go deeper that physical looks - if a bloke makes me laugh he can be as ugly as sin but I still want to rip his pants off!! (oo err mrs)

Just go and have a good time girl - even if nothing romantic develops you might make a new RL friend!!

Oh and just to add Zany, if a potential date was to see my picture he would run for the hills

Hi Guys,

just back from a reasonably productive morning. Very different to my usual days off, when I think hoorah the night before, can drink, no work tomorrow.

It is great actually having a morning, instead of just "getting through it" until I feel better. But.....

I was half way around the supermarket, and suddenly had what I can only describe as a big lump of sadness in myself as I thought "I can't have a glass of wine anymore", I didn't feel cross like I did the other day, but just a real sadness and resignation. How mad, when I consider what it did to me and my self esteem. Has anyone else felt like this?

I know that I can have a couple of glasses if I feel like it, but I know that I can't IYSWIM.

JWM wear what you like I say, I had a big gulp moment a while ago, when a work colleague said "of course" one can't show knees once you get to late forties!!", cue big gulp from me and attempt to cover legs

Venus are you ok. I was worried about you yesterday, I don't know why. I apologise if I'm being forward.

thurso I know exactly what you mean about feeling sad. I think I said yesterday that when I had my long period of sobriety at one point I was grieving the loss of alcohol. I know it's complete madness when I think of where alcohol has taken me but there was definitely a period when I felt like that. This too shall pass!

Thanks Red,

yes, I do think "this too shall pass" about quite a few things at the moment. The times when I really REALLY want some wine, the times I feel bad about the past, and the nights when I can't sleep, although they are getting fewer.

I can't remember the last time (well, I can, it was two years ago) when I last went over two weeks without drinking wine. It seems to take some getting used to. I think I have so much more space in my head now, whereas before I was self obsessed in the mornings when I was hungover, just trying to be "normal", so that no-one would know.

Mouse you give me so much strength, it is good to know that you still could drink, if you chose to. I know that I will always have a battle, and for you to say the same after such a long time of sobriety is heartening to me, because I don't feel so bad about always having to think about saying no to the first one, if that makes sense!