The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Brewery!

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse and I've been on the bus for 2 months now and not fallen off it as yet. It's much more comfortable than The Wagon!

Anyway, this is thread number nine!

Everyone is welcome to join at any point of the journey, drinking or not, wanting to stop or just to cut down.

Jump on board, you won't be judged, just supported whatever you decide.

Here is the history of The Brave Babes if you want to have a read.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Morning Everyone,

Ggood idea hippychick, Christi I think you need to curl up and let the babes look after you. Christi, please ring your GP ASAP to talk about changing anti depressants. SAF mentioned on earlier posts that you are in a very typical spiral of depressive thinking and you need some help IRL to fight your way out of this.

I know its really hard, I do but you need to find a way out of this. Without wittering on about me I had depression for many years and thought that I was destined to always be that way. I got ME - which is common with depression, the two often go hand in hand, and what you are describing sounds very familiar, so might be worth mentioning that or your physical symptoms to doc. Anyway, life was pretty poor. But I did come through it. Just because depression was the norm for my life doesn't mean it always had to be that way. Its a tough climb out but you can do it.

Mouse I hope you, your teeth and Nemo are ok today.

Wasindie freelance and babies ... well, I only had the one baby to consider so had it easier!! I did far too much when DD was born, I only really had a couple of weeks off, then started working again, working when she napped (she was quite sleepy for a couple of months) and evenings / weekends when DH could take over. I think I did about a day a week this way but it was far far far too much. I made a lot of mistakes, messed up a big bid for a client and generally felt crap all the time. There is no easy answer but it does get slightly better when they are in a routine because you know you will have say 3 hours per day when they nap. However, you need to build in that an hour of that will be cleaning sick off things and an hour will be trying to remember what you are working on because you are so sleep deprived you can't just pick up some work and get going. I am crap at managing my time (I have 14 hours to do before end of month which is ...erm, tonight!) and think that being realistic about what you can take on is best prevention. If you figure it out let me know!! Oh and coffee. And to do list pads

venusintransit are you arrived?

Red are you there yet? How is DH?

hope everyone else ok. Wine still in fridge here. went out last night to a mummy meeting re nursery. did not drink. DH being very sweet and seems worried about me but since handing house sale over to him all now going smoothly which is a bit annoying. However, other people are now muttering about exchange dates, so I feel more hopeful.

Sorry for long post. Must witter less.

Have made an appointment for 8.50 tomorrow morning

I am not sure what the counselling is called, she tries to go back over my history but there have been just so many things to talk about because everything has been going wrong and as soon as i start feeling better I get a setback, like my friend and her daughter dying, or not getting the job, or DH being made redundant.

I am going to go for a swim this afternoon. I am going out for a mums thing tonight and to the cinema which I am dreading because any time someone is nice to me I want to cry.

I have three possible contacts I will follow up.

I am trying to challenge my beliefs but they are deepseated and reconfirmed every so often so it's hard. I don't know much I can change I just don't know why I can't get a fucking job.

One thing at a time christi. I know the job thing is really important as it affects so many other areas of your life, but you can only do what you can do. The things that you have put in place for today and tomorrow are exaclty what you need to be doing and that is a huge achievement in itself so try not to put any more pressure on yourself.

I know what you mean about crying when people are nice to you. I kept trying to go into work but ended up glued to my seat staring at my cokputer screen in case anyone said anything like "how are you today?" at which point the tears would start and just not stop.
Just try to keep moving...but slowly.
x

oops - that of course should be computer!

Christi are you sure that its the right kind of counselling for you? I only ask because I didn't realise for a year that the counselling I had was doing more harm than good. I am very wary of projecting my experience onto you but thought it might help to share? My counsellor was similar to yours, all about going back over history. She wanted to talk in detail about abuse I experienced and to be honest all it did was churn up negative feelings and make me feel worse. It also gave me a get out clause for life because I was spending all my time dwelling on the past and not moving forward. When I left (after a year of spiralling into even worse depression and destructive behaviour) she told me that I had failed at counselling, needed more work and until I was prepared to dredge up every detail of past events, I would not be 'cured'

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realised that it was just the wrong approach for me. I am sure her technique works for some but it made me feel much, much worse (and very self pitying). I had a bit of a crisis a few years ago and had CBT called human givens. (not sure if I can post link but www.hgi.org.uk/index.htm). It was amazing and I turned my life round in two months (sorry, I am sounding like a weight watchers advert but its true). The therapist used a technique to help me move on from any past trauma and most importantly to take control of my life. He helped me work out what I wanted to change and helped me work through how to do it myself. I felt empowered and actually able to change my life. I got a new job, worked on my marriage and sorted myself out. And I did it, he just helped.

There is a book on human givens that helped me a lot. I would happily get you a copy - I really believe in it.

She doesn't just go over the past she does give me some ideas but it isn't CBT. I had CBT two years ago when recovering from the viral meningitis when I was extremely how energy. That together with Citalopram worked well. However, I had money then so paid for the classes. The waiting list is quite long for NHS. I found CBT for me just plastered over the cracks a bit, because the effect didn't last long, I then got pregnant and I think the PND started after that. I thought my counselling was really helping but that I am just too low at the moment. I could hardly speak yesterday I was crying too much. So it wasn't really her fault that I couldn't be helped.

I have never heard of human givens is it CBT?

Good morning Babes,

Yes, I am here. Sorry I disappeared yesterday without my usual fanfare! Ended up taking a half day as I had to go to the bank with DH and close our joint bank account. There I was, weeping in the bank! Nice! Anyway, we had quite a good chat afterwards and he actually kissed me goodbye for the first time since it all kicked off so that was a little bit of progress!

Feeling good here on Day 9. The sun is shining and I am neither drunk not hungover! Sorry I have not had time to read all the posts properly but I hope that everyone is OK today - especially those struggling x

Red that sounds very tough at the bank. Pleased about the kiss though! Do you think he felt he had to go through with the bank thing once he'd put the wheels in motion?

SAF - you have put the counselling thing much more eloquently than me! Apologies for mixing up CBT and human givens! I think that the thing about making you feeling better is so true. I always felt terrible after other counselling sessinos and although HG was difficult in its own way, I felt much more in control and ready to face the world. I can also second the bit about traumas - I felt a sense of peace with my past that I had never done before. For the first time I felt that although the abuse shaped me a lot, it was no longer going to define me or my life. A lot of the fear and hate disappeared.

Christi - it sounds like you first need to get the ADs sorted though, then perhaps you can start to make other decisions about the best type of counselling. I found ADs to just give me the space to go through through counselling and really sort things out (or not as was the case!!)

Hello SAF and MsGee . I think you have hit the nail on the head re DH feeling like he has to go through with things at the moment. Hopefully he won't feel like he has to go through with the divorce! I have to admit (seeing as we're all about honesty) that I really did have a big urge for a drink once we had said goodbye but I did not act on it and I was able to tell myself how totally ridiculous and insane I was being. Phew! Disaster averted.

Morning everyone, as I have yet to start my counselling I am wondering if it is possible to conquer depression without counselling, big part of me feels it would be necessary to have the counselling but I am not sure I want to risk it if it makes me feel worse

Morning desire, I do not really have any advice on the counselling. I had CBT a few years ago and although I found it very interesting I was in denial about being an alcoholic so ultimately it was useless! (Totally my own fault.) Hopefully someone else has some better advice/ experience.

Morning Red, missed you yesterday afternoon!

Red well done for resisting temptation! I am sure that if that is the case that DH will feel that he has done enough for it all to hit home now. He is likely to be reeling from what he has put in motion as much as you?

Desire I think that it really depends on so many factors. Counselling can help enormously - I am sure SAF can say more but its more about the right type of counselling at the right time. Unfortunately its hard to make those decisions when you are in the thick of depression. There is a lot you can do on your own though. Changes in eating habits (not drinking, exercise, sufficient sunlight etc. all help get you part of the way there. I have battled depression with and without counselling but I really think it depends on your circumstances, support network and underlying causes / issues.

Red my therapists / counsellors all pointed out that I have a high level of self awareness combined with a total stubborn refusal to actually change anything about myself.

I suspect this made (makes) me an annoying and smuggish twat.

My DH's approach to such things: you put it in the box, you tape up the box, put it in the attic and you never ever re-open the box. I used to think it was very unhealthy but over the years I see that my previous naval gazing approach was just as bad. I think that there comes a point with some things that the box approach works well!
(not drinking though!!).

desire I missed you guys too! As you know I like to announce my imminent departure with plenty of time to spare but it was all a bit of a rush!

MsGee I think DH was a bit shell-shocked yesterday, you're so right. How are you today anyway?

MIFLAW are you about? You have been very quiet for you recently...

MsGee - I think we may have talked about this before but the way you have described your self-awareness with the stubborn refusal to change is me to a tee! 'I know I'm a nightmare but I'm not going to do anything about it,' could be my mantra!

Hello.

I'm ill and in pain so am an utterly sulky arse today.

Thank feck I don't drink/can't drink on these meds. The thought of a hangover plus how I currently feel is nothing short of my idea of complete hell.

Nearly 2 calander months sober for me!! (apart from the odd glass)

To those who are struggling with the booze or just life at the moment, I hope that today brings you some relief in whatever form that needs to be.

It's so hard to see the light (whether it's a glowing candle or floodlight) at the end of the tunnel, even harder through drunken eyes.

It's easy (or it was for me) to pick up that glass. Much easier than trying to cope with the day to day stuff sober, right?

Not so. I am now living proof of that.

So, sermon over. Back to my sick bed.

Stay strong Brave Babes. xx

Red I always say to DH ... but you knew I was like this when you married me! He points out that that doesn't really make it better. Yes, I remember our agreement that perhaps knowing you are twat doesn't quite make it ok to be a twat.

Am sure your DH is shell shocked. He sounds like he feels the need to do something and make his stand (I don't mean that in a patronising way). Perhaps he has fought himself into a corner with this one. Would he take you offering a way out - saying you don't want to divorce and want to talk about what you can do to make it work - or would that make him dig his heels in. Its very hard to sit back but often people need to get there on their own.

I am feeling ok today, despite being so behind in work that I can't possibly complete by the month end! DH has been great in taking on the house stuff. DD is doing ok, breaks my heart when she says she doesn't want to go to nursery and she wants to be with mummy but the past two days have been better. She is in for an extra day today as I thought we'd be moving tmrw! Good job really with my work!

Sorry to hear you are still in pain Mouse.
Was a little worried about you yesterday afternoon Red because as you say you like to announce your departure and no announcement was forthcoming.
MsGee thanks for your thoughts on counselling, I am trying to eat healthier and then will break out and have take away because I am too tired to cook when I get home from work. Am trying every day to stay away from alcohol and at same time trying not to think too much about it. Am not fit by any stretch of the imagination but do walk to and from work every day, about 20 minute walk. Sometimes I think if I could just organise myself in all areas of my life things would improve but not sure I can do this on my own

Mouse sorry x post.

Am sorry that you are feeling so crap today, return to your bed and I shall send over cheese, crap magazines and hot chocolate.

Hope you feel better soon brave babe. x

desire I am the same, I live off ready meals and generally eat crap. however, innocent do those vegeatable ready meals which are better than most of the crap?! Or eat lots of fruit or smoothies? I would live off sandwiches and donuts if i could get away with it.

Trying to organise your whole life sounds like a big job. Can you just pick three things that you want to do and focus on those?