The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Brewery!

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse and I've been on the bus for 2 months now and not fallen off it as yet. It's much more comfortable than The Wagon!

Anyway, this is thread number nine!

Everyone is welcome to join at any point of the journey, drinking or not, wanting to stop or just to cut down.

Jump on board, you won't be judged, just supported whatever you decide.

Here is the history of The Brave Babes if you want to have a read.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Oh Christi what a tough, tough place to be. If you cannot see anything to look forward to at the moment, then don't torture and exhaust yourself by trying. Just exist. Sometimes that is all you can do, and sometimes that is enough.

Exist, and breathe, and observe your dds, and eat (if you can), and sleep (when you can) and get up tomorrow and do the same all over again. Don't pressurise yourself into TRYING to be happy or optomistic. Listen to the sounds that are around you - sounds that are far away like traffic, sounds that are close to you like the buzzing of your computer. Just be.

And then, gradually start to do something with that wonderful cv of yours. Go back to the recruitment agency that got you the first interview, ask them what else they have? Make a list of all the old contacts and networks you used to have (don't reject any at the moment, just jot them all down).

It's so crap at the moment, but you will get through it. And drinking will not help you tired, sore red eyes. Being sober is something that you CAN achieve, and you can achieve it today. You don't have to wait for a job or a house. You can do it today - all on your own (except for us lot of course) x

Are you on anti-depressants Christi?

Yes I am on Antidepressants (maybe they aren't working!) and have weekly therapy from the PND support services in edinburgh

thank you for the post, Venus, it's great to be given a task list of things to do, I really need that because I just don't know what to do, I'm stuck.

Thank you x

Hi babes

Just checking in - mad busy day at work.

Tried to post last night but couldn't for some computer reason but we were going to go to Norfolk today - the most stunning beaches. Hey lets go tomorrow. Bus has had oil change and service so all aboard early.

Christi - we are all here for you - I have been in the place that you are now where there seems no point in anything - but you can work through it and give the AD's time to work - how long have you been on them?

Mouse - how's the tooth - did nemo sleep last night - did you?

Lucil you sound so much more positive - that's fantastic

PS - My name is Silver and I am an alcoholic

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

silver i've been on ADs since October... 2009...

Then you need to get to your GP - they are obviously not working and you might need a different kind/ stronger dose - how soon can you get an appt?

And you really need to talk to someone in RL about how you are feeling.

xxx

and of course the alcohol stops the ads being as effective as they can be ...........

Hey Silver

I'm not so great. AnitB's are making me ill.

And Nemo is teething, full of a cold and has started to bring his feeds back again with his reflux.

Off to bed.

Night all xxxx

Poor Nemo. Poor Mouse.
Hope you both get some rest.
Am stressed and anxious again. Basically I have found tenants to rent my HA flat. Their rent would cover my mortgage/rent.
All good. They want to move in next week. My HA (whom I bought the 35% from in 2004) led me to believe renting would be a viable option to save my skin from repossession or ending up in even more debt through selling it at a loss.
Now they are keeping me hanging by a thread refusing to grant permission until I've proven I'm broke and have paid them £150 to consider it with their solicitors.
I have no choice really but to go ahead with the rental regardless of their decision.
If they say no in the end I'll just restart the payments using the rent money but keep it from them...say my parents are paying it for me until I'm on my feet.
The whole fucking thing is making me so tense and worried.
I would LOVE a drink tonight. A proper drink tonight. Not a beer or a glass of wine but enough to not give a shit just for a few hours.
I'm not going to though.

Am going to take a Nytol and read a book.
Sorry for boring, tedious financal stuff.
It seems to be all my life revolves round. That and caring for the girls who I have been neglectful with my time.
Oh shit. Life.
Goodnight babes X

I am wondering tonight about my depression. If I keep becoming depressed, why do I have to continue being depressed? I mean, is there any hope for me? if it keeps coming back. It is so painful. I hate feeling like this but I feel like this so often. Oh my god waht can I do what can i do about this. What is the point

chriti when you are int he throws of depression it's the worst feeling in the world and you feel like you will never feel well again. It sounds like that's where you are at just now. Have you been like this and then come out of it before?
x

I have been like this and felt better but I have never felt so bad and felt that things are so useless. If I have an illness that can't be fixed permanently what is the point

Should I move to another thread because I know this isn't really the place and i don't want to diminish all of your post with my self pity I'm sorry

Christi don't move to another thread. There are people here who care about how you are and it's not self pity. Depression is a strange thing, sometimes people will recover and sometimes they just have to accept that it may always be around but that there are ways of managing it.
I have been on ad's for about 4 years and on the whole they work for me and I have accepted that I may have to stay on them long term. Not my first choice but 100 times better than feeling like how you are just now. Can you go back and speak to your GP?
x

When you are feeling like you are now it feels like there is no way out. I went through my worst 'episode' over the summer. I never really understood the true meaning of emotional pain until then. I felt like I was in agony - evry minute of every day was unbearable. I found it truly terrifying. I had had some changes in meds and clealy they weren't working for me. it took a while to get things sorted, but though evrything in my life is certainly not peachy I have git the strength back to tackle things again. It really does sound like you need to speak to your GP again.
xx

Christi my sister has had years of depression but has finally got the right ADs after changing a few times. She is so much better now.

After yesterdays setback you are bound to feel low but I agree with earlier post you should go back to your Doctor asap and discuss changing ADs

I will go back. I am so low in energy I can hardly think straight. I don't want to fill my life with such awful feelings but I can't help them intruding. I will try to fill the dishwasher then go to bed with a sleeping pill so at least I can sleep trhough till morning

I have had a row with DH too, I just want him to take over the responsibilities of childcare and cooking and stuff for just a while. If I had got the job my basic salary would have been three times what he could earn so I seem to be have disappointed him even more than myself because we both need the financial pressure taken off us of having no work, if I'd got the job all this hideous pressure would have vanished.

I feel so bad. I want someone to swoop down and take me away and I don't know, go somewhere hwere I don't have to worry about others or myself, maybe a health farm in the sunshine where I will have time to think and remember and not have to think about all this. About all y failure. I am so sad I can't be better. This is no way for my children to live, seeing me crying.

I know it's not easy but don't think about the big stuff just now. Filling the dishwasher and taking a sleeping tablet sounds like a plan - you need a few hours respite from this. Then set yourself a few small task for tomorrow - you need to get out of this pit before you can tackle anything major - just concentrate on that for now.
Does your DH know how bad you are feeling in yourself - not just about your situation?
x

I've tried to talk to him over dinner but he left with his plate to finish on his own because he said that I wouldn't be able to talk properly, because we were arguing and getting nowhere.

Tonight is maybe not the night to talk more, but if possible you should try to let him know something of how bad you are feeling. (though i don't know what kind of relationship you have).
Try to get some rest tonight - and then baby steps tomorrow.
Take lots of care
x

Thanks hippychicky for your help and kind word

Morning all!
Good advice swallow. Maybe when Christi has managed to do a few of the things she needs to today she can curl up on the bus for a while with a nice cosy blanket and a cup of hot chocolate.