The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Brewery!

[Mouseface]

Hello.

I'm Mouse and I've been on the bus for 2 months now and not fallen off it as yet. It's much more comfortable than The Wagon!

Anyway, this is thread number nine!

Everyone is welcome to join at any point of the journey, drinking or not, wanting to stop or just to cut down.

Jump on board, you won't be judged, just supported whatever you decide.

Here is the history of The Brave Babes if you want to have a read.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

Thread eight

Thanks red

Red - are you still living with DH at the moment?

Hope you don't mind me asking?

Not at all! I am living at my parents at the moment. However I am in and out of the flat that DH and I rent - I go there at lunchtime and normally for a bit after work too. So I am still seeing him quite often.

It must be so difficult for you. Does your DH drink a lot?

He does yes. He's not an alky but a heavy drinker. Which was probably part of the attraction in the beginning as we both liked going to pubs! (I was in a period where I could just about control my drinking.) I get pissed off at times because he puts booze/ pubs before me. That is one of the things that he has to change from his side... However, I cannot control his drinking anymore than he could mine so all I can do is focus on me. How about your DH? (Apologies if it's DP!) Is he a boozer?

Well, yes - to yourself. How else would you get better?

Red

Please don't think this as picking on you but how can he (your DH) not be an alky if he puts booze and pubs before you?

I don't understand.

Hello BTW

Echo what Mouse says Red, how different is his boozing from yours?

Hello you two!

I know you are not picking on me. It's kind of hard to explain... He does seem to know when it's time to go to bed for a start. The hardest thing is that my drinking is 'worse' than his so he can't see that he possibly has a problem. I believe that if he carries on the way he is going he will end up as an alky but he won't listen! (Fancy a problem drinker not listening to someone!) Our boozing was very similar but then mine went bonkers. Not sure if my drinking got worse because I was unhappy or I was unhappy because I was drinking more. Doesn't really matter what came first!

afternoon all!, just a quick hello - im a bit distracted today, my df is on the operating table as we speak - he is having a new knee so not ill, i cant help but worry though, he is in his 70s and not exactly a health fanatic! - so, im keeping busy at work but everytime the phone rings i expect it to be dm, im like a cat on hot bricks! , i think im driving everyone mad with jumping up to answer the phone on the first ring! - dd has been to funeral today - a lovley gay friend of hers who died of multipe organ failure due to his consumption of a bottle of brandy everyday for the last few years , she has rung though and told me all about the coffin entering the crem to shirley bassy and him disappearing to 'shine on you crazy diamond', apparently the wake has turned into a huge 'pink party' with lots of camp weeping and much flicking of hair! sounds like a bloody good send-off to me!

on a serious note - red, your dh sounds like a classic alkie to me!

Maybe silly question, are you still unhappy?
Don't mean present situation but in the build up to it, were you feeling unhappy?

desire - I am quite happy at the moment as I have not had a drink for 9 days! There will come a point though where I will have to decide if I can cope with DH's drinking or if it will be detrimental to my own sobriety... I was feeling very unhappy due to money worries but I am kind of on top of that now. I kind of want to get everything sorted that I can (money, my own sobriety etc) and then I feel like I can make a more informed choice re DH. Hope that this makes sense!

JWN - I do agree with you re my DH! And I hope your DF is OK. And the funeral (although being for a horrible reason) sounds fabulous in its own way!

*That's if DH even gives me the choice, ha ha!

Red you sound in a very positive place to deal with whatever life throws at you. Perhaps DH "has a disfunctional relationship with alcohol that he is not in control of and is not very healthy" .... cause we all know that is very different to being an alkie

JWN hope you get a call soon with good news about DF, thinking of you.

It makes perfect sense to me Red, I think the important thing is really to get yourself in a good place, which you are well on the way to doing, and see how YOU feel about your DH's drinking. At least you will see it from a clearer space than where you are now!

MsGee and desire - glad that you see what I mean! I just need a clear head to decide what I want from life. I can kind of cope with DH's drinking. What I have found really, really hard to deal with is that he was such a fantastic boyfriend/ fiance (always complimenting me, wanted to spend loads of time with me, bought me little presents - nothing expensive just thoughtful - was just really kind and lovely and attentive) and he's not such a great husband. Once that ring was on my finger it all changed!

How long have you been married Red?

Ha ha! 2 years!

Ooooops , picked the wrong question there didn't I :) or did I ?

Re Red's husband - I suppose one could make a rational choice that pubs and booze were more fun than the day-to-day and then act on that choice. That would make one very selfish and unlikely to win Partner of the Year but would NOT make one an alkie. It also implies that, as a result either of circs or of more thinking, one could change those priorities.

Whereas, if one MEANT to come home straight from work every night to see the family but kept getting pulled in by the powerful electromagnet on the Stella pump in the Red Lion, then that would make one an alkie, but the blessing here is that one would not necessarily be deliberately selfish.

Red, I'm sure this doesn't help you much, but I do see how it is possible for your husband not to be an alkie.

It just seems a bit sad that we are struggling so much after so short a time. Although if we are not meant to stay together I suppose it's better to find out now rather than waste a few more years! (I would like to have children but would much prefer to be in a stable relationship first! So the sooner we break up the sooner I can move onto the next victim man. Only joking!!)

MIFLAW I know what you mean re DH and I am never quite sure about him. However I do hear some horribly familiar things:
'Right that's it I am not drinking for a week/ whatever.' (Cue a few pints within a couple of days.)
'I will be home for dinner.' (Cue stumbling home at 11pm with a takeaway.)

So the jury's out...

Good to see you still have your sense of humour intact Red!

desire I've got to laugh! (I much prefer to save my crying for when I am at the bank! )