Page 9 | Perinatal anxiety abortion

Unreliablenightmare · 2024-01-21T07:28:13+00:00

Hi, I don't know what I'm looking for here, maybe just to put something down in writing. I was 9 weeks pregnant and had an abortion and now I can't stop crying. I regret it so so much and im heartbroken. I think i was suffering from perinatal anxiety and now I've done the worst thing. All these thoughts kept circling and i never stopped to imagine how wonderful it could be too. I'm utterly heartbroken and in so much pain. All I want is my baby back. Nobody pressured me into it. I have two wonderful children already and a lovely supportive husband. We just kept going round and round not knowing what to do and now it can't be undone. I'm just so devastated. All the reasons that I came up seem so insignificant now and so workable. I feel so terrible that I did this to my baby. It's only been two days and I haven't stopped crying. All these awful thoughts kept going round and round and now I feel so empty and broken. I don't know how to pick myself up from this. I feel so shattered, empty and broken. In between my two children I miscarried twice and it was the worst feeling. I went to hell and back and now I've done this. I wanted my baby, I was just so scared and that feeling took over. I don't know what to do with myself.

MyPearlOP · 11/07/2026 18:16

LivinginNightmare · 11/07/2026 17:57

@MyPearlOP so sorry you are experiencing this. I felt the exact same way as you. We planned on a 3rd and were not actively trying but not preventing either. About 7 months in i found out i was pregnant and immediately felt dread and panic. I came up with every little negative thing i could think of to not continue my pregnancy. The depression and anxiety/ocd was truly awful to deal with. I couldnt think of any reason to continue and felt i just wanted my life back - so i terminated at 7 weeks. As soon as i terminated, i regreted is so so much my mental health deteriorated so bad i couldnt function for months. Im 7 months out now and still struggling on most days. Now in hindsight, i would have much rather dealt with the depression and anxiety/the difficulty of the newborn stage etc., than to feel this hollow pain of never getting to meet my child. I’m a very sensitive person in general too, but i never stopped to think how i would be affected afterwards. My mind was not in a good place then, and i only focused on one thing which was to get the abortion. Now im living in the fallout of it all and its terrible, at least for me personally. If you can, speak to a professional or doctor about how you are feeling. They can prescribe pregnancy safe medication to help with feelings of anxiety/depression. I wish you all the best in your decision. It is never an easy one, many women feel relief but sadly that was not the case for me.

I am so sorry that you have experienced this.
That is exactly what I wanted to ask—I am trying to understand which of these two options might provide relief. However, I have encountered very few women who did not experience regret and depression after a termination. This is likely entirely related to our gender and our hormones. Seeking anxiety support is definitely something I am considering as well. If I make the decision to terminate, I fear the things I might experience afterward, and perhaps even that my relationship with my husband will be damaged. This fear pushes me toward the other option, but that is not a path that reduces my anxiety and depression either. I hope I make the right decision for myself and my family. Thank you so much for your advice, it will definitely be very helpful

Fairdreams · 11/07/2026 22:09

MyPearlOP · 11/07/2026 16:53

I’m currently spiralling and could really use some honest, non-judgmental advice from anyone who has been in a similar position.
I have a 4 yo daughter who is just about to start Reception. To be completely honest, I have never enjoyed the newborn or toddler phases. We have zero family support or friends nearby, so my husband and I have done absolutely everything on our own, and we were both completely burnt out by it. Now that my daughter is starting school, our lives are finally getting back to some form of "normal," and we are starting to feel like human beings again.
For a long time, I’ve been under immense pressure from family and outsiders telling me it’s "unfair" to raise an only child. Stupidly, I let those comments get into my head. I started feeling guilty, so we stopped using contraception, though we didn't actively try. I gave myself a deadline: if it didn't happen by my 41st birthday, I would close that chapter for good.
Well, I found out two days ago that I am pregnant (I’m currently 40.5 yo). I haven't been able to stop crying since. I feel so much regret and anger at myself for being so thoughtless. I feel like my life is going to be ruined by starting over, we will be in a terrible financial position, and honestly, I feel like this would be unfair to my daughter, too.
I have contacted an abortion clinic, but I don't know if I have the courage to go through with it. I am naturally a very sensitive person, and I’m terrified that if I do terminate, the guilt will destroy my mental health. But equally, the thought of going through those early years again fills me with pure dread.
Has anyone here been in this position and how do you feel about it now? I feel like I'm trapped between two impossible choices and I’m falling apart.

Trust me. Do not get the termination. You will regret it. That baby will be forever missing in the back of your mind otherwise. At your age, this is could well be your last chance to have another baby. Once those fertile years have past, you can't even necessarily go back and conceive again after this one if you change your mind later. When my baby was born I first thought oh my goodness how will I cope in the newborn trenches. Especially with other kids. But the newborn trenches are great. All those newborn cuddles. I go to sleep at 9pm and it's really not that bad. Wouldn't say i'm even that sleep deprived unless I lose sleep over something else the baby has nothing to do with ! As for the financials. Well you can always make money later. I'm also 40 and I'm going to hopefully conceive again too. I'll make my money later. Perhaps I'll have Irish twins just about.. Funny saying that given the day he was born i wondered if I'd cope..As I tell my friends, ohwell got the whole of retirement to recover later. You will be fine. If you wanted a baby before, have the baby. :-) also I strongly don't recommend booking a termination appointment and then think about it later. Just don't book anything at all if there is any doubt , even if you think. you can always cancel later or not go ahead. . Having an active appointment is influence towards a certain path in itself where as not booking you can remain in a neutral headspace while deciding. Please keep us posted.

MyPearlOP · 11/07/2026 22:43

Fairdreams · 11/07/2026 22:09

Trust me. Do not get the termination. You will regret it. That baby will be forever missing in the back of your mind otherwise. At your age, this is could well be your last chance to have another baby. Once those fertile years have past, you can't even necessarily go back and conceive again after this one if you change your mind later. When my baby was born I first thought oh my goodness how will I cope in the newborn trenches. Especially with other kids. But the newborn trenches are great. All those newborn cuddles. I go to sleep at 9pm and it's really not that bad. Wouldn't say i'm even that sleep deprived unless I lose sleep over something else the baby has nothing to do with ! As for the financials. Well you can always make money later. I'm also 40 and I'm going to hopefully conceive again too. I'll make my money later. Perhaps I'll have Irish twins just about.. Funny saying that given the day he was born i wondered if I'd cope..As I tell my friends, ohwell got the whole of retirement to recover later. You will be fine. If you wanted a baby before, have the baby. :-) also I strongly don't recommend booking a termination appointment and then think about it later. Just don't book anything at all if there is any doubt , even if you think. you can always cancel later or not go ahead. . Having an active appointment is influence towards a certain path in itself where as not booking you can remain in a neutral headspace while deciding. Please keep us posted.

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Thank you so much for your comment. it was truly reassuring and helped ease my fears a little bit.
To be honest, this baby has been on my mind for about a year now, but I never quite reached a point where I felt I had the courage for it. Instead, I spent my time trying to rationalize why it would be better for my daughter to be an only child, and I really tried to embrace the 'one and done' mindset.
Then, I don't know how it happened, but despite being someone who is usually extremely cautious, I started taking risks by stopping birth control, thinking the chances were very low. When it didn't happen for a while, I mentally distanced myself even further, convinced that the window had closed, and we continued without protection without really thinking it through. I discovered I was pregnant at a time I absolutely didn't expect, so we were caught off guard, and I’m struggling with a lot of anxiety now.
I can foresee that if I go ahead with the termination, it will destroy my mental health. However, being pregnant and the thought of caring for another baby again makes me feel restless and unhappy at the same time. I think the idea that I have to accept this even if I don't want to is what makes it so hard. Thank you again for your perspective

Fairdreams · 11/07/2026 22:49

MyPearlOP · 11/07/2026 22:43

Thank you so much for your comment. it was truly reassuring and helped ease my fears a little bit.
To be honest, this baby has been on my mind for about a year now, but I never quite reached a point where I felt I had the courage for it. Instead, I spent my time trying to rationalize why it would be better for my daughter to be an only child, and I really tried to embrace the 'one and done' mindset.
Then, I don't know how it happened, but despite being someone who is usually extremely cautious, I started taking risks by stopping birth control, thinking the chances were very low. When it didn't happen for a while, I mentally distanced myself even further, convinced that the window had closed, and we continued without protection without really thinking it through. I discovered I was pregnant at a time I absolutely didn't expect, so we were caught off guard, and I’m struggling with a lot of anxiety now.
I can foresee that if I go ahead with the termination, it will destroy my mental health. However, being pregnant and the thought of caring for another baby again makes me feel restless and unhappy at the same time. I think the idea that I have to accept this even if I don't want to is what makes it so hard. Thank you again for your perspective

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Hi. Yes it's trickery. The brain likes to think it's in "control" and control means "doing something" or "stopping something ". Like having a termination. It's anxiety induced mostly I think. And once the act is done, the trickery becomes apparent. But really being in control, is sometimes just choosing to embrace it instead of running from it. You just protected yourself from thinking it will never work, incase it didn't work. Try and think of it as a blessing. :-)

Sinky923 · 23/07/2026 13:43

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this, I was in the exact same position. I became consumed with anxiety and the fear of going back and starting again and how hard it could be for my two children. I think it's right what a pp has said in that in that circumstance my mind wanted to be in control and booking a termination gave me control. I will never not regret that decision. However, it may be right for some. I would also advise to speak to a doctor or counsellor. It feels an impossible choice- I remember saying I felt like I would forever regret having a child and forever regret terminating so didn’t know which was best. I know that if I were in your situation again that I would not terminate but also don’t want to make you feel shame or guilt if that is what you do decide. Sending you love.

MyPearlOP · 23/07/2026 16:58

Sinky923 · 23/07/2026 13:43

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this, I was in the exact same position. I became consumed with anxiety and the fear of going back and starting again and how hard it could be for my two children. I think it's right what a pp has said in that in that circumstance my mind wanted to be in control and booking a termination gave me control. I will never not regret that decision. However, it may be right for some. I would also advise to speak to a doctor or counsellor. It feels an impossible choice- I remember saying I felt like I would forever regret having a child and forever regret terminating so didn’t know which was best. I know that if I were in your situation again that I would not terminate but also don’t want to make you feel shame or guilt if that is what you do decide. Sending you love.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have decided not to terminate unless there is a medical reason although I am not happy with this decision at the moment but things can change by the time. Also I am having all bad symptoms of pregnancy which makes me depressed and makes everything worse..thank you

Fairdreams · 30/07/2026 18:42

MyPearlOP · 23/07/2026 16:58

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have decided not to terminate unless there is a medical reason although I am not happy with this decision at the moment but things can change by the time. Also I am having all bad symptoms of pregnancy which makes me depressed and makes everything worse..thank you

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How are you doing now?

MyPearlOP · 30/07/2026 20:43

Fairdreams · 30/07/2026 18:42

How are you doing now?

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I am still having lots of physical symptoms but I had a scan this week and feeling better mentally as I could accept this situation after hearing the heartbeats

Sinky923 · 02/08/2026 02:25

I’m happy for you, and wish you all the very best. Well done for getting through it and just take things one day at a time.