Perinatal anxiety abortion

[Unreliablenightmare]

Hi, I don't know what I'm looking for here, maybe just to put something down in writing.

I was 9 weeks pregnant and had an abortion and now I can't stop crying. I regret it so so much and im heartbroken. I think i was suffering from perinatal anxiety and now I've done the worst thing. All these thoughts kept circling and i never stopped to imagine how wonderful it could be too. I'm utterly heartbroken and in so much pain. All I want is my baby back.

Nobody pressured me into it. I have two wonderful children already and a lovely supportive husband. We just kept going round and round not knowing what to do and now it can't be undone. I'm just so devastated. All the reasons that I came up seem so insignificant now and so workable. I feel so terrible that I did this to my baby. It's only been two days and I haven't stopped crying. All these awful thoughts kept going round and round and now I feel so empty and broken. I don't know how to pick myself up from this.

I feel so shattered, empty and broken.

In between my two children I miscarried twice and it was the worst feeling. I went to hell and back and now I've done this. I wanted my baby, I was just so scared and that feeling took over.

I don't know what to do with myself.

That’s good for you. GP said there was nothing they could do. With the miscarriage did the surgery cause you to not get pregnant for a while? Sorry to ask

It’s terrifying

@Wanted39 i don’t know if it was because of the surgery. I do also have endometriosis. It was a long time before I was pregnant again unfortunately though. We started to think it would never happen. I think that sometimes hormones settling after an interrupted pregnancy is a big influence as well

That is scary how long do you mind me asking? Every day is so hard right now @Poster57

I didn’t say intentionally as it was years and I don’t want to panic you as, as I say there was a lot of other factors in play and I had surgery in that time frame too. How long ago was your termination? I think NHS guidelines are 6 months ttc for fertility investigations at this age so it might be worth bearing that in mind. As patronising as it sounds; in the meantime look into what diets will help balance your hormones, make sure you’re eating the right fats etc. These small things often aren’t enough but they certainly don’t do any harm and are a positive step forward.

Gosh how many years?
3 months
I feel like it’s hard to carry on if it doesn’t happen soon

@Wanted39 3 months is no time at all & you’re in the thick of it emotionally just now. It’s a horrible tough road that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Give yourself and your body time. 3 months after I was no where near ready to try again yet. I needed a lot of medical help and input to get to there. We needed to know my mind and health wouldn't implode again. This month might not have been your month but next month might be. Be kind to yourself

Thank you. We’ve been trying already but it’s hard. How long did it take you before trying again? You must have fallen pregnant quickly so blessed

@Wanted39 we did fall pregnant again quite quickly when we started trying, just took a few months which I’m very grateful for and feel very fortunate. I was probably about 5 months before I was in a place where I was ready to try. I was established on anti depressants by that point to try and counteract the impact of the progesterone on me and I was getting counselling and therapy so that I had the tools to recognise and handle the hormonal impact this time. That was so important for me, to both manage another pregnancy in a healthy way and to realise and recognise how very unwell I had been at the time, never to discount the impact of mental health or to downplay the importance of maternal health.

Wow that's great. Its five months post now and I wish I had tried harder earlier but my best chance is to use the same donor and i guess once bitten twice shy but deep down I want a baby with the same genetics so I'm trying my best to push past it. Were you 40 when you conceived again?

I’ve started antidepressants. They’re not massively helping sadly. You sound very strong. How many weeks were you when you ended it before? I’m sorry to ask. I struggled so much in pregnancy and just needed to ride it out

I also worry I won't get pregnant again. I wanted this so badly but got so anxious and they throw options and drugs and the doctors don't even question you ! I wanted to try immediately after but the only donor available in my region is the one I used before. And I got cold feet every time so travelled to another city for one that was so stressful taking my 2yo on flights etc I got that stressed I almost had a breakdown now I haven't ovulated at all this cycle..most of the issues with the donor last time were caused by MH I have wasted three months of regular cycles eggs and ocusltiok signs being scared. And am so angry with myself. Next month j am going tn throw all this awful anxiety aside and do what ever I can to conceive again I feel like if I don't my life is over. If I see two lines again I will collapse with utter relief. I'm so worried about my age. Every month counts at 39..can you try again ? What kind of surgery a d and c you can try again ? I only took nufelrisoke and was told that the pregnancy would likely continue as I was second trimester. I went into labour . I didn't need surgery. Likely due to the later gestation. Four to five days later. It was so traumatic . But I was mentally unwell. I am struggling to get past the trauma when trying again . Is there any way you can try again ? I can't believe that because I didn't go through with it once that they didn't throw me out . The surgical team did. They should have too!

I had retained products only 2cm but wouldn’t come out with the tablets so had surgery (like D&C). I’m just terrified I won’t get pregnant and have a baby again

That sounds awfully traumatic. How many weeks if you don’t mind me asking and how old are you? We’ve tried but no success yet and I’m so tearful

I was just turned 39. And 15 weeks :-(. My limit was 12 weeks but my mum told me "the outcome is the same anyway " and when I asked the hospital if it's the same as 13 or 12 weeks they literally said yes. I wish I had the guts to search fetuses online. I made the mistake of searching abortion fetuses and the gestations were all wrong. If I had searched miscarried fetus then I'd have got legit accurate photos and have likely not gone ahead with it. everyone making that decision should be encouraged to look at photos. A little embryo is so unthreatening. I placed way too much emphasis on the circumstances around conception pregnancy risks etc and the donor I forgot to think about the fact the actual baby was not threatening at all. I took mife and then changed my mind within hours. I was told by a specialist after checking the heart rate the pregnancy would likely continue at that gestation as it just primes the cervix. I heard the heart beat twice more over the next couple of days. I was hoping the medicine would leave my body. It was awful. Awful. Basically it's all about protecting the rights of woman , politics , teenage pregnancy etc. There should be much more stringent things to pass before gaining access.and any sign of doubt the person is denied. Which country do you live ?

@Poster57 how long after the op was it you couldn’t conceive for please? Surgery is horrible to go through

Hey. My surgery wasn’t related. It was endo treatment. I’m used to it as I’ve had it several times now. I conceived 6 months after that surgery

Hi how are you doing ? I too are desperately trying for another but im using a sperm donor and it's hard I had very regular cycles for four months after the termination but wasn't mentally ready to try again properly and ended up doing stressful travel to visit a donor and didn't ovulate for a week late in the end meaning j completely missed ocusltiok. I had weird signs like fertile mucus right before a period and not really much ocusltiok pain. I'm 39.6 months now and I'm getting really worried this is perimenopause . I've been scared to try again properly although the first month or two I was all guns blazing to conceive again right away. If I don't concieve again I don't know how I'll cope and what I'll do. I just want to resolve this with a happy ending so I can be more happier for my existing kids also. Are you still trying how old are you ,?

Hi. When you approached 40 did you find it took longer to ovulate ? Last month I did a stressful trip where I had to travel to another city to visit a preferred donor but for some reason despite being very regular for four months post termination I randomly didn't ovulste for another week and didn't get any noticeable mucus or ovulation pain at the time like usual. I'm so worried now. I also got random fertile mucus before period. Did you notice any chances leading up to 40? I struggled to mentally try so soon after the termination because I had like a flight or flight response to perceived trauma after what happened. The first month or two I was all guns blazing nit then got nervous when it came to the crunch. Where you 4o when you covdeive again ?

I am not pregnant and very broken. My life feels over

Exactly the same here. How old are you. Feel free to private message me . I'm in the same boat

Hey how are you doing ?

Hey how are you doing ? Did you conceive ? I am trying to conceive again with a donor but I get horrible anxiety when it comes to the crunch time.

No given up hope also won’t be same as one lost
im destroyed

I know how you feel. How long ago was your termination? My issue Is that my brain is traumatised by what happened so when I go to try to TTC again i often freeze and the last minute and panic , I don't how to overcome this and I can't really afford therapy or are scared of it as it was a therapist who pushed me towards termination in the first place.

5 months