I think I might be pregnant. Fuck.

[Jayable]

And I'm panicking. I haven't taken a test yet because honestly I don't know what the fuck to do if I am and I'm freaking out a little.

Me and DH are going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute. I know, because he's told me...multiple times... that he definitely does not want anymore DC (we already have one son).

Admittedly I've been a bit lax with contraception since our son was born (2 years ago) because frankly I hate hormonal contraception, it messes with my body, bleeding constantly, migraines, mood swings etc. So instead we have done a mix of using condoms or just tracking my cycles and using nothing if its supposed to be a "safe" time. Stupidly I didn't think it was a massive issue because to be honest we barely have sex these days.

Anyway now I'm sat here with really painful boobs, over a week late and having had a tiny bit of brown spotting 4 days ago and nothing else.

Our house is too small, we don't have the money, my husband doesn't want another child and I'm not even sure if we'll be together much longer but I still find the idea of getting rid of a hypothetical pregnancy difficult because I'm really honest with myself I do want another child at some point and have only reluctantly accepted not doing so because of DH.

I'm so scared to find out for sure. I don't even know why I've posted in aibu but is anyone around who's been through this or who can just talk to me!!

I’d do what you want to do OP. I found myself in a similar situation recently (similar but not the same as my DH knew I wanted another even tho he felt one and one) but when I got pregnant and we went to the first scan my DH started to get excited. I can’t promise this will happen for you too, but I knew I wanted this baby even if my marriage doesn’t work out. It will be really hard of course, but I always wanted two children and sometimes children are born in a happy marriage and then it still doesn’t work out and so if you do choose to terminate make sure it’s for you and not for him. Big hugs!! I hope you get the test result you want x

Just take a test and find out. If I were you I wouldn’t terminate regardless of how your relationship is. You just never know, things might get better between the two of you and he might get used to having another baby and be really happy with him or her in the end and your son will enjoy having a sibling.

frankly I hate hormonal contraception, it messes with my body, bleeding constantly, migraines, mood swings etc

If you get migraine with aura (the flashy lights) then you should not be on any oestrogen-based contraceptive, end of story. See heading and last visible line on screenshot, taken from wbnf.nice.org.uk/drugs/ethinylestradiol-with-levonorgestrel/

If your contraceptive makes your migraines worse or more frequent, you should use a different contraceptive. Condoms are very suitable for this, they are available in latex-free and more than one size and have no effect at all on migraines.

Oh, and get a pregnancy test. All-night Tesco branches will have them out on the open shelves in the pharmacy area, they are only a couple of quid for two. Take one now and the other if you get a negative the first time but the symptoms stick around.

Not knowing is worse than making a difficult decision
You still have time to think if its positive

@CurlewKate

how about considering she wants more children?!

honestly.

What’s the outcome? + or - ???

Take the test! Good luck 🤞 it may sound naive but everything happens for a reason. Thinking of you

All the best

Good luck.

Have you tested??

Coming at it from a different angle than most. I have a DS whose father has nothing to do with him. I would never willingly put a child through that knowing what I know now, no matter how much I wanted one. Rejection by a parent is horrific.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

You need to take a test to know for sure

Why is this in AIBU?

At 30, my genuine advice would be to have an abortion, leave your relationship and start again. You have ages to meet someone else, who you can have a better relationship with, and have another child.

Having said that, they'd likely come with "baggage" so if you'd rather be a single mum to two kids with the same dad, then maybe keep the baby and plan a life solo.

Only you know what the situation is really and what you could cope with. All the best.

Oh FFS...do you really think that's the important thing here.

stop being a twerp

@Beezknees I'm sorry it upsets your DS, poor kid x

however not all kids feel the same.

@Jayable I'd do lots of thinking before you even take the test.

if you want another baby, I wouldn't terminate. It would be a full sibling to DS. And there's no guarantee you'd get pregnant again.

it sounds like you're pretty much done with DH. An ultimatum of keeping the baby or trying again to make the marriage work FROM HIM would put the final nail in the coffin for me.

If he was so determined he didn't want another baby, then he should have done more to prevent it happening.

not his choice now.

id keep the baby, Ditch the 'H'

I was in your situation many years ago OP. When I confirmed the pregnancy my "D"H told me to terminate it. I did go along to the clinic, had the discussions, and returned for the termination. While my feet were in the stirrups I had a moment where I realised that if I went through with it, our marriage would definitely be over as I would never forgive him. I was only in my 20s at the time so it wasn't my last chance or anything, I just did not want to terminate the pregnancy (despite the marriage being awful).

I had the baby and the marriage ended anyway not long after.

Once you have a child, you're unlikely to wish you hadn't. But before you have them, it can be hard to call in these circumstances.

Can you support 2 children in a split scenario? Do you want to? I think you should decide on what to do based on the assumption you'll be alone. Check the CMS website for what you might expect re child maintenance. But that can change any time if the father's income changes. Or if he is self-employed and can more easily hide income.

Sorry you're in this position, it's very hard.

Jesus.

Can people refrain from telling an OP to terminate? It is absolutely not your place to say such things. Just as it’s not her husband’s.

I hope you get the result you want and can be comfortable with any decision you make.

Handhold

I'm going to hazard a guess that you're not actually a nurse?

Grow up and take responsibility!

How you are okay OP & get the result you want

Do a test and good luck

Hope this works out for you OP X