I think I might be pregnant. Fuck.

[Jayable]

And I'm panicking. I haven't taken a test yet because honestly I don't know what the fuck to do if I am and I'm freaking out a little.

Me and DH are going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute. I know, because he's told me...multiple times... that he definitely does not want anymore DC (we already have one son).

Admittedly I've been a bit lax with contraception since our son was born (2 years ago) because frankly I hate hormonal contraception, it messes with my body, bleeding constantly, migraines, mood swings etc. So instead we have done a mix of using condoms or just tracking my cycles and using nothing if its supposed to be a "safe" time. Stupidly I didn't think it was a massive issue because to be honest we barely have sex these days.

Anyway now I'm sat here with really painful boobs, over a week late and having had a tiny bit of brown spotting 4 days ago and nothing else.

Our house is too small, we don't have the money, my husband doesn't want another child and I'm not even sure if we'll be together much longer but I still find the idea of getting rid of a hypothetical pregnancy difficult because I'm really honest with myself I do want another child at some point and have only reluctantly accepted not doing so because of DH.

I'm so scared to find out for sure. I don't even know why I've posted in aibu but is anyone around who's been through this or who can just talk to me!!

*blokes

This

One step at a time. Take the test and then you can consider the next step.

I hope it's the result you want.

What's happening op?

'Only if you want it done on the NHS' 🤣 Yup, checked the private costs, straight back on that massive waiting list!

I can see how it's great long-term, sure, but it's not going to solve the problem immediately in most cases - as to me, it appears to be hailed.

Hope you can get a test soon and start making some decisions. 😘

But if she’s not pregnant it’s pointless and far better to actually advise when you KNOW because then you can focus on the right thing.

@OhNoOhDearOh if she's not pregnant she still has a lot to think about and some difficult conversations to have

It's the not knowing that's the killer. Take a test, get that answer. Then keep quiet. Take time to think things through and decide what YOU want to do, both about your marriage and about a (potential) pregnancy. Consider all options and decide which ones you can live with. Once you've got that all set in your head, tell him what you've decided about the marriage AND about the (possible) pregnancy.

TBF, if I decided to terminate AND end the marriage I probably wouldn't tell him about the pregnancy, it would be none of his business. Your body, your choice.

Good luck op. As someone has said on here your immediate reaction once you've tested will help you decide the way forward

Good luck op, thinking of you 💐

@GoodChat yup exactly. But a pregnancy doesn’t factor into any of that so it’s a different conversation / advice.

Get a test, wait until first thing in the morning to do the test as early morning per will have more hormones in so you get a true test. I wouldn't mention anything to DH whatever the test says until you decide what you want. Don't be bullied or pressured into anything. If your DH definitely did not want a child he should have had the snip himself. He chose not to. Good luck.and I hope you get the result you want.

Do the text you'll feel better x

I wouldn’t tell him and that way you can sort it and process it without his input or him adding more stress to it. You need to tell someone what you’re up to though incase something goes pear shaped and you need to be seen in a hurry at the hospital ( this is extremely unlikely if you deal with it early on).
I was incredibly unlucky and had to terminate three times when I conceived on the pill. I eventually paid a surgeon to sort me out permanently at 34- it’s really liberating to be honest . Your relationship sounds a bit shit, you need to explore whether the pressures of life have just got in the way and the relationship is salvageable or whether you are flogging a dead horse and would be better splitting up amicably. It’s really not that big of a deal and you don’t need to panic or feel bad about it.

If he was that dead against a child, he should have been prepared to take proper precautions.

He didn’t.

If it’s positive, do not let him railroad and Billy you into doing anything you don’t want.

Your body, your choice.

He could get the snip and that way you don't have to be solely responsible for contraception !

I hope things work out the way you want them to.

I never understand adult men who go on about not wanting kids but then don't take this logical responsible step, especially if their partner has such horrendous side effects to the pill that op describes.

It's equally his doing if you are pregnant op. I hope you're ok.

He's as responsible as you for an unplanned pregnancy. There's no such thing as a safe period, not if you're absolutely certain that you don't want another child, and presumably he was taught biology and knows this.

Whatever happens, don't let him pull that 'I thought you said it would be okay' shit on you.

If you are pregnant and you want the baby, have the baby. Your relationship is likely going to end soon from what you've said, so if it was me and I had really wanted another child, I'd still have the child and raise it myself after the split. Then there are no regrets and no "what ifs".

At the end of the day, there are two people who make a baby, one didn't want a baby, one did. Why should you, the one who did want the baby abort the baby because of your husband, the one who didn't want it? Why does his decision take precedence over you who is growing, carrying and birthing the baby? This is just me giving my own thoughts on the way I see it.

This isn't the same as having a baby to "save" a dying relationship, like some people do. This is just continuing to have a baby conceived through accidental pregnancy that you wanted anyway. Plenty of single parents raise children, your children will be loved and much wanted and that's all they need.

All the best xx

This. We spend so much of our lives messing with our bodies to avoid pregnancy, why won't men just get it done. It's even reversible. I mean I know why, I just hate it that they can take so little responsibility in family planning.

@SquigglyGum absolutely agree.

Hope you are ok, OP. 💐

If he didn't want another child, he should have got the snip or used a condom every single time. If you're pregnant, it's his fault for not making sure that didn't happen, not yours. Good luck.

Just repeating, cocochnl if he doesn’t want any more children, the snip. He must take responsibility for his actions.