I think I might be pregnant. Fuck.

[Jayable]

And I'm panicking. I haven't taken a test yet because honestly I don't know what the fuck to do if I am and I'm freaking out a little.

Me and DH are going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute. I know, because he's told me...multiple times... that he definitely does not want anymore DC (we already have one son).

Admittedly I've been a bit lax with contraception since our son was born (2 years ago) because frankly I hate hormonal contraception, it messes with my body, bleeding constantly, migraines, mood swings etc. So instead we have done a mix of using condoms or just tracking my cycles and using nothing if its supposed to be a "safe" time. Stupidly I didn't think it was a massive issue because to be honest we barely have sex these days.

Anyway now I'm sat here with really painful boobs, over a week late and having had a tiny bit of brown spotting 4 days ago and nothing else.

Our house is too small, we don't have the money, my husband doesn't want another child and I'm not even sure if we'll be together much longer but I still find the idea of getting rid of a hypothetical pregnancy difficult because I'm really honest with myself I do want another child at some point and have only reluctantly accepted not doing so because of DH.

I'm so scared to find out for sure. I don't even know why I've posted in aibu but is anyone around who's been through this or who can just talk to me!!

This. People are all "Oh it's the woman's choice - her body her choice" if the woman wants an abortion and the man doesn't. Funny how that doesn't seem to be the case if she wants to keep a baby.

Test done?

Good luck OP

Good luck OP,

I was in the same position as you. My DH didn’t want another. I was petrified but couldn’t face an abortion. I hadn’t ever planned on a second and wasn’t sure I was cut out for it. I have a gorgeous baby girl now. It’s difficult. But I’m still with DH and getting there. Our relationship started getting better when DS was about 4. Hoping it gets better again when DD is same age.

hope things work out for you xx

So what happened?
By the way there's some really shit advice on here as usual

Shit shit shit shit

Ok, now you know. You’ve got step one out the way! Well done!
if you thought DH would be happy, or you take him out the picture how do you feel?
i think you need to decide that next, decide what you want, decide how you feel and what you want to do, be clear on that and then go from there.
good luck op

Oh goodness OP was thinking of you and just came on to see if there was an update. How do you feel? You’ll know in your gut whether you want this baby - with or without the man in tow. Sending you courage x

I don't know. I want another child but even without DH being unhappy about it (which he will 100% be), I don't know how I'd make it work in terms of space and money.

I don't know what to do. I can't bring myself to talk to DH today.

What was your gut reaction OP? sending hugs

FUCKKKKKKKK was my honest gut reaction but I don't know what that means in terms of what I should do

congratulations OP.

Its entirely up to you now and it sounds like it is very early days.
I noted your comments about your relationship and also your comment "because I'm really honest with myself I do want another child at some point and have only reluctantly accepted not doing so because of DH."

So as a previous poster says, if you possibly can you need to eliminate your DH from your mind (as he says he does not want another child) and decide for yourself what you want to do yourself. Sending hugs.

Oh dear OP. Was hoping for you that it was negative. The thing is, if you want the baby and he doesn't come round you will forever resent him if you decide to terminate. If you don't he may resent you for having the baby. You need to do what is in your heart for yourself.

@Jayable, I have been where you are and I know how you feel today.

Whatever you decide, remember that there is not a right or wrong answer and there is not a right and wrong thing to do.

Consider only how you feel and what you want. Ignore your husband, if I listened to my husband I would have had an abortion. I don't know whether I would have regretted it but what I would have regretted is not listening to myself but somebody else.

You will be ok. Just breath and take your time. You have time. If you need help, seek it, have all the conversations and help you need before you make up your mind.

And remember, there is never a right time to get pregnant. We also didn't have enough money, enough space etc. But we made it, so would you if you decide this is what you ultimately want.

You need to talk to him. I'm not sure that you can decide in isolation if you want your relationship to survive this.

As a starter, I’m going to state the bloody obvious: it takes 2 to make a baby. You say “you” have been lax about contraception, but in reality, it has been a combined lax approach. He could have worn condoms and then not been in this position.

please don’t blame yourself.

I was pretty broke when I had my children. We managed. Remember your circumstances change throughout the years and you may find that things get easier money wise. Unless you are seriously on the breadline, I'm not sure that I would make that the main factor.

Not on the breadline now but if someone said you need to find another £1000 a month tomorrow for a second lot of nursery fees I'd not be able to!

This. If he hadn’t wanted another child he could have had the snip

Think of what YOU really want OP - DH had a responsibility to prevent a baby if he really didn't want another. A DH who makes this your fault and tells you what you have to do about it, is really not worth hanging onto at the expense of your own happiness. Is there a friend you can confide in, who will listen, who you know has your best interests at heart? Only you know what's best for you. Maybe DH isn't it, regardless of what decisions you make.

Absolutely. Financial considerations are considerable and aren't even in the short term. If you can't afford another child, you can't afford it, no two ways!

Aww OP. I guess you just take some time now to have a think. No need to rush into telling DH. Figure out what you want for you and your 2 year old. Whatever you decide DH may not be in the picture so I guess the question is could you do this as a single parent & do you want to do that?

think about what your reaction would have been if it was negative- would you have been 100% relieved or actually secretly disappointed.
i always do this to see how I actually feel

If it’s just about nursery fees remember that’s only for a short period. Your older children will start school, the 3+ help will kick in. There’s other options like changing working hours etc.
In terms of your relationship, that’s another matter. I think you need to take some time to think what your life will look like in 12 months and 3 years etc and whether being a single parent is a better or worse option.
I’d been struggling to make ends meet for years with DP and then when I became a single parent for the first time in my life I had money. I was so much more financially better off. It’s the reality for a lot of people.

1. What is your partner's actual salary?
2. Do you rent your home or own it?

The amount a couple with two children can earn and still get at least a bit of Universal Credit, particularly since the work allowances were increased and the taper reduced to 55p, is more than you'd think.

Apologies if you've answered those already - I've not the time to read through 7 pages of stuff.