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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

I think I might be pregnant. Fuck.

275 replies

Jayable · 07/07/2023 19:24

And I'm panicking. I haven't taken a test yet because honestly I don't know what the fuck to do if I am and I'm freaking out a little.

Me and DH are going through a bit of a rough patch at the minute. I know, because he's told me...multiple times... that he definitely does not want anymore DC (we already have one son).

Admittedly I've been a bit lax with contraception since our son was born (2 years ago) because frankly I hate hormonal contraception, it messes with my body, bleeding constantly, migraines, mood swings etc. So instead we have done a mix of using condoms or just tracking my cycles and using nothing if its supposed to be a "safe" time. Stupidly I didn't think it was a massive issue because to be honest we barely have sex these days.

Anyway now I'm sat here with really painful boobs, over a week late and having had a tiny bit of brown spotting 4 days ago and nothing else.

Our house is too small, we don't have the money, my husband doesn't want another child and I'm not even sure if we'll be together much longer but I still find the idea of getting rid of a hypothetical pregnancy difficult because I'm really honest with myself I do want another child at some point and have only reluctantly accepted not doing so because of DH.

I'm so scared to find out for sure. I don't even know why I've posted in aibu but is anyone around who's been through this or who can just talk to me!!

OP posts:
ChrisPPancake · 07/07/2023 20:00

We had a tiny house and shit financial circumstances when I fell unexpectedly pregnant with dc2. We made it work. But - we were rock solid as a couple and able to realistically talk through all the options together.

Don't let him railroad you, your views are valid. Absolutely agree with @justasking111 as well.

Good luck.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 07/07/2023 20:00

If you believe in these things see it as a dign from the universe he wants no more kids you do. It's over

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 20:01

ChrisPPancake · 07/07/2023 19:55

That's really shit advice.

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Actually that is quite sensible advice. The OP came here for advice not for a sniping bitch fight because your bored 🙄

catmothertes1 · 07/07/2023 20:01

Do a test and remember that you live in a country where you have options.

moneymatr · 07/07/2023 20:02

Remember both people are responsible for contraception

user1469908686 · 07/07/2023 20:06

no idea how old you are OP but i had similar symptoms at about 38/39yrs turned out to be the start of peri menopause…

MollysBrolly · 07/07/2023 20:09

If he's adamant he didn't want another child he should have taken the necessary steps not to have one

what do you want?

if you had to chooses your husband or children

Maireas · 07/07/2023 20:09

moneymatr · 07/07/2023 20:02

Remember both people are responsible for contraception

Quite.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/07/2023 20:09

It could still easily be your period taking a while to come on. Hope you managed to get a test and it is the result you are after. Goodluck.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/07/2023 20:09

Maireas · 07/07/2023 20:09

Quite.

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and 100% this.

Denise82 · 07/07/2023 20:11

No point in worrying about something that might not actually be happening. Take a test.

Hollyppp · 07/07/2023 20:13

Take the test, come back to us with result and everyone can give you better advice x

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2023 20:14

I had a scare after DH said he didn't want any more. It wasn't a pregnancy but it gave me the opportunity to tell him that if it had happened, I would be having the baby and that he needed to sort his side out if he didn't want another.

He got the snip.

You need to test, make your decisions, then address the relationship.

ChrisPPancake · 07/07/2023 20:14

Gulikitti · 07/07/2023 20:01

Actually that is quite sensible advice. The OP came here for advice not for a sniping bitch fight because your bored 🙄

Show quote history

How is telling someone to hide something like this from their partner when they're already having problems good advice?!

Plus op has said it's the husband that doesn't want another, not her?

Original poster
Jayable · 07/07/2023 20:14

user1469908686 · 07/07/2023 20:06

no idea how old you are OP but i had similar symptoms at about 38/39yrs turned out to be the start of peri menopause…

I'm 30 x

OP posts:
Desmondo2021 · 07/07/2023 20:16

Please update once you've tested.

Suboptimumumma · 07/07/2023 20:18

CurlewKate · 07/07/2023 19:52

Do a test. If it's positive, get the abortion pill. Don't tell your husband.

The op has said that she is not sure she could do that because she does want another child while her dh doesn’t.

Op how about talking to your husband? He is responsible for this situation too. Good luck to you both whatever you decide 💐

McConkeysPlate · 07/07/2023 20:18

I hope you get the result you want.

Grumpy101 · 07/07/2023 20:19

30 is still young. Personally, I wouldn't bring a child in an already precarious relationship. Do the test, make up your mind and, if you decide to abort, tell DH as it's too big of a secret to keep. Then see where the relationship goes.

Icanbuymyselfflowers22 · 07/07/2023 20:21

Handhold here. It's a scary position to be in but remember you do have options. I know I'm a stranger but thinking of you.

Wife2b · 07/07/2023 20:21

Honestly there’s no point getting yourself wound up over something that might not be. Take the test and go from there.

Chichz · 07/07/2023 20:21

Hoping to hear from you once you've tested, OP. I feel for you!

It's not that easy to get the snip these days. Doctor just told DH it'd be at least a year's wait and then you have to wait longer to be in the 'clear'.

Bit fed up of it being bandied around like the obvious solution! (Though sorry to derail...)

Runningonjammiedodgers · 07/07/2023 20:21

Take a test. Your knee jerk reaction when you see the results might give you a better idea of what to do.

WombatChocolate · 07/07/2023 20:22

I assume you haven’t told him you’ve sorted out some kind of contraception that you actually hadn’t…..ie haven’t misled him. Assuming this isn’t the case, then as others say, you’re both responsible for contraception and if you’ve both been taking chances, well…a baby is a risk isn’t it. Perhaps for you, it was a risk you wanted to take if you’re honest, whereas for him it wasn’t, but if he hasn’t been more vigilant with contraception, it’s his responsibility too isn’t it.

But if you’re having troubles already, and if there’s a sense of you having done this on purpose rather than it being an accident, well it won’t help the relationship. So find out if you actually are pregnant and then think carefully about broaching the topic with him if you are. Taking that test has to be the first step.

And regardless of if you’re pregnant or not, have a good think about how you feel about the future and no of babies etc and your DH. This could be something which makes you reassess things and the future regardless of if you’re pregnant or not. Is there a chance that re-assessing is something you actually wanted and although the conversation and taking a test is scary, you wanted something to ‘force’ the issue? Might be totally wrong.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2023 20:23

Chichz · 07/07/2023 20:21

Hoping to hear from you once you've tested, OP. I feel for you!

It's not that easy to get the snip these days. Doctor just told DH it'd be at least a year's wait and then you have to wait longer to be in the 'clear'.

Bit fed up of it being bandied around like the obvious solution! (Though sorry to derail...)

Of course it's the obvious solution. If you don't book the appointment it's forever, not just a year.