It took me 3 years to conceive DD, surely this isn’t isn’t the world’s faintest positive?

[3yearsversus3minutes]

I think I’m roughly 12DPO, on day 30 of my 32ish day cycle anyway. Had sex once.

DH thinks he can’t see anything at all. I think I can. Precious DD is TINY.

I appreciate lots of people have commenting that their kids have great binds but are close in age. But many do not. My niece and nephew have about 15 months between them and at 7 and 8, they can rarely do things as a whole family as they are constantly falling out and hate being around each other.

Plus Op has to consider how the pregnancy will impact her child and herself. This has to be a decision the op is sure of either way. Not made on a gamble that her child will benefit and enjoy a relationship with their sibling.

Op I would suggest trying to get some counselling before you make a decision. Whatever decision you make is not the wrong one. It’s right for you at this time. Good luck.

Exactly that. Thank you.

although I do genuinely appreciate every single comment. I’m reading every one of them.

I’m booked in with MSI. The wait is so long. But it does give us a bit of breathing space. I’m on the cancellation list anyway. I’m testing positive on cheapos now too.

BUT I’m still spotting. I didn’t have this with DD, but I did with my 3 MC. I’m wondering if all is not well with this one anyway. I’ve been spotting off and on for 4 days. It’s so light, but all my previous experiences of spotting in pregnancy have ended the same way.

Hi there, @3yearsversus3minutes - we're sorry to land in here unexpected but we had a look at your thread and thought it may now be better off in our Pregnancy Choices topic where you can continue to get support and advice from other MNers. We're going to move it over there now.

Sending you best wishes and also please just give us a nudge if we can help further.

Thank you!

My two boys have a 17 month gap and are not close at all & never have been, but their slightly older sister my have affected that. I don't personally think anyone should have children for what bond they may or may not have with another child. My pnd with my children nearly killed me, quite literally, so the ultimate decision should be (in my eyes) based on how you feel you would cope. The large part of the responsibility falls to you and its your body also.
I hope whatever you decide is as gentle as possible on you.

Hi op I hope you're okay. Just wanted to give you some support and tell you you're very brave. I had a termination due to bad Hg. Being ill in pregnancy is no fun. A midwife said to me once that pregnancy is not a disability but for some of us..it is...don't worry we're here for you. I waited nearly 3 years before thinking about dc2 but it's only when the first one said she wanted a baby brother or sister! After dd2 I accidentally got pregnant and had the termination (hg) I just couldn't look after my child along with the illness and grow another baby.

Thank you all. I tested very positive this morning. DH and I had a big chat last night. We’re really wrangling with ourselves. But it feels like the right option for right now. We can’t see the future, so we’re just having to go off the information we have right now about our existing family and our capabilities.

I phoned MSI this morning to see if they had any cancellations, and I was able to have the initial phone consultation this afternoon. I have a call with a nurse on Thursday. Then they should post the medication.

However, the spotting is now a bit more significant. I’ve been spotting off and on since before I had a positive test. So for 5 days now. That makes me think that maybe all is not well with this one. The decision to actually take the pills might be taken out of my hands anyway by nature.

Good work, OP. You're being so bloody brave.

Please make yourself a lovely cup of tea and get as much sleep as poss.

I'm pleased to hear that you've made the decision that feels right for you.

I'm sure there will be hundreds of postive stories for siblings with close gaps but, as someone else said, they aren't really relevant to your situation. What works for one family, won't work for another.

My husband was born almost exactly a year before the next eldest brother and, as a child, husband had a hard time. He had to grow up far too quickly and was responsible for things a child shouldn't be. While he does have a great bond with him, I think it's unfair to say the reason is because they're close in age. There's 10 years between him and his youngest brother snd they also have a great relationship.

I just wanted to offer that alternative perspective as I feel like you've been bombarded with lots of ones relating to how great it'll be because they're close. When, in reality, it's not always the case. Plus you've got your health to consider and that really should be the main priority. I think some of the PPs are forgetting that you were seriously I'll with your previous pregancy and a similar experience wouldn't be manageable with a very young child.

I hope your consultation goes to plan and you feel supported in your decision by the people who actually matter!! Good luck OP 💐 Wishing you all the best with your lovely family and daughter 💗

Thank you so much @jamoncrumpets ☕️

Thank you so much for your lovely message. Alternative perspectives are always useful 💐

@3yearsversus3minutes Sorry for the late reply. Honestly the process was fine for me. I received the pills in the post and I was so nervous but it wasn’t that painful, I’ve definitely had more painful periods and the bleeding wasn’t anything more than a heavy period. At one point I got really anxious because it didn’t seem to be working but the nurses on the helpline were so helpful and reassuring. In fact everyone throughout the process was really nice and reassuring. Apparently it’s very common for mothers to have terminations, far more than you’d think.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I just wanted to say, whatever your reasons for deciding on a termination they're valid. I decided on one because I only wanted 1 child (like you, I'd had many miscarriages and an awful pregnancy). I felt horrible guilt about going through with the termination. But I feel no regret. It was the right decision for my family. I really hope you're okay, and know you're not alone❤

Thank you so much @Autumn231 I’m so glad the experience was good for you.

Well maybe not good, but as good as it could be.

I’ve been following this thread. I’m in a similar ish place, also contemplating options. It’s been helpful.

I’m bleeding. I’m miscarrying naturally, I think. I never ever thought in all the years trying for DD that I’d feel relief at that familiar sight.

I'm glad it worked out for you OP. Your stress was tangible and understandable. Never nice to MC of course, but at least means nature took all the decision making out of your hands so no guilt (not that guilt was necessary, but know you were struggling with it).
x

Thinking of you @3yearsversus3minutes. I wish you a pain-free, comfortable time. 💐

I’ve been following your thread . What a roller coaster for you . SO lovely to see
and read all the are and support from you
fr MN

I wish you a lovely future with your beautiful and hard-won baby, OP. You can relax now.

I just wanted to pop back and thank you all for your thoughts and company during this week. I’ve definitely had a miscarriage. Whilst I’m a bit sad that it’s my fourth miscarriage, I’m mostly just hugely relieved. MSI have been great. And so have you. Thank you all.

@jamoncrumpets thank you so so much for the lovely good wishes.

Best of luck with the future op - I’m glad things are resolved