It took me 3 years to conceive DD, surely this isn’t isn’t the world’s faintest positive?

[3yearsversus3minutes]

I think I’m roughly 12DPO, on day 30 of my 32ish day cycle anyway. Had sex once.

DH thinks he can’t see anything at all. I think I can. Precious DD is TINY.

There's a really good thread somewhere on here about support for abortion. I'm also happy for you to PM me if you need a bit of support.

Knowing yourself, and what's best for your family, is a really amazing thing OP. You are making some very hard decisions, this place might be supportive... it might not... don't be afraid to come offline for a bit if you need to focus on you and your tiny baby.

Whatever you decide takes a huge amount of courage, and I applaud that. I hope one day, when this is over, you will do the same. Give yourself props for being an adult and making tough decisions.

Are you able to link it? I have no one to talk to in RL about this. It will have to be mine and DH’s secret forever.

God it would be awful for me having to wait because the HG kicks in at about 4 weeks. I would be a wreck. My sympathies.

Thank you so much. It feels right. But it’s SO hard. It’s not really what I want. But I want another baby even less.

I would too @3yearsversus3minutes I have one child with severe complex needs. Another who isn't disabled, but who needs me because she's small.

If I were to become pregnant I would be doing the same thing, with sadness in my heart. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair on anyone, whether they were in the uterus or out.

I never had HG, it must have been awful. I was really sick with DD though, that was from about 6 weeks. I won’t have had it done in time, so I will start being sick, but at least it’s not HG. That’s something at least.

It's under the topic pregnancy choices. I think there's a few threads there which will really help.

I had a termination due to HG. Sad? Yes. The right thing? Absolutely.

You'll get through this

That's a tough decision, but if it's the best for the family, then it is. I wish you all the best.

Thank you so much. I’m so glad you were able to make the right choice for you.

There it is! Congratulations

Harsh but would the guilt of dd being an only dc not be as hard? Why is a sibling a bad thing so close together?

Hi. May I add in my wee thoughts. I was petrified of the small unexpected gap like yours. Every reason why we didn’t want it, why it wasn’t doable (Inc health wise) however in the end, we went ahead, they’re thick as thieves, the BEST of friends and the small gap is wonderful for them. Unbelievable at the time but now, unbelievable for us all. Take take to take stock, because if there is a part of you that wants this baby, then don’t be hasty - it could just work out x

@Pleasegivemeyourwisdom thanks for your thoughts. How many months is the gap between yours?

Not really. I don’t think so anyway. She will be so so tiny still. Only just over 1. I don’t think any of us could cope with another so soon.

I would like her to have a sibling. But not now. She also needs her mummy. And I am so ill in pregnancy. I had a pulmonary embolism with her.

My brother and I are only 13 months apart. I was born first. We are now 57 and 56. I have no memory of him not being there. I don't feel that I have suffered any disadvantage. Another brother appeared 15 months after that. If its not right for your family that is absolutely your choice but don't base it on the idea your daughter will suffer. She really won't.

Your daughter might suffer from a sibling being close in age, or from a 5 year age gap, or from being an only child. Or she might be absolutely fine regardless. You just don't know and can't predict.

You need to do what is right for you. Good luck with whatever that decision is.

@3yearsversus3minutes I had a termination when my DS was tiny for much the same reasons. I didn’t feel I could mentally or physically handle a pregnancy so close together. Of course I was sad about it but I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I’ve regretted it. One thing I’d just say before going ahead with it is just to be absolutely sure that you can make your peace with the idea that DD could be an only child if for whatever reason you can’t conceive in the future. I found I had to be sure I could live with that before I could go ahead. Wishing you all the best.

Hi @Autumn231 thank you for responding. I don’t know anyone IRL who has had one; how did you find the process if you don’t mind me asking?

You've got to make the right decision for all three of you. Have you got good support around you emotionally and practically over the next few weeks?

There's less than 2 years between mine and it's really not that bad, you can do it don't worry X

How many months is the gap if you don’t mind me asking?

Three weeks short of two years. Neither were planned and I was shitting myself but it is absolutely fine

OP, please don't make this decision for anyone except the 3 of you in your family. It doesn't matter if it worked out for other people - if it doesn't suit you, that's all that matters. I can't think of anything worse than being so dangerously ill for months with such a young baby: your daughter deserves the best of you and you deserve to enjoy her after your long wait to be a mum.
I hope you'll get to have another child in the future when the time is right, if that's what you want. But don't continue with this pregnancy because of FOMO. Good luck, and I hope the next few weeks are gentle on you. It's not a simple decision.

The first one is a huge shock but the second is just more of the same, you are already doing everything you need to already. I take them both to baby groups and we go out at the weekends and it's all good honestly. Hardest bit was managing the toddler in the last trimester but that passes