It took me 3 years to conceive DD, surely this isn’t isn’t the world’s faintest positive?

[3yearsversus3minutes]

I think I’m roughly 12DPO, on day 30 of my 32ish day cycle anyway. Had sex once.

DH thinks he can’t see anything at all. I think I can. Precious DD is TINY.

I had my DD in July 2011, my DS in May 2012, next DD in March 2014 and last DD in February 2015. It is doable and having all my children close together has been an advantage, they are all into similar things, days out they all love going to similar places.

It was mad at the time, having all four by the time my first child was 3 but it worked out great for us. I managed to continue working and all 4 have got all the attention they deserve. DD11 goes to grammar school, DS10 has passed his 11+ and is going grammar in September. My point being just by having more than one won't ruin the first child's opportunities.

It's a personal choice though and do what's right for you.

Aww OP I’m so sorry you are feeling so stressed. At the risk of overstepping - do you think part of you might be trying to protect yourself from the idea it could really be possible /
positive after you had such a hard time conceiving and growing/ birthing your first? You might be getting ahead of yourself a bit- maybe try to avoid making decisions/ taking action until things are a little more certain? Of course you need to do whatever you need to do to cope, but you don’t want to end up causing yourself extra stress, or start setting shift down a particular path before you’ve really had a chance to absorb. Hope that makes sense xx

Thank you all for your thoughts. Keep them coming. It’s actually really helpful. Thoughts of all kinds. I’m listening. The appointment isn’t for over a week.

DH and I don’t necessarily agree on what’s best to do. But it’s not really him that would have to look after them day to day.

I hope my story helps. We had years of infertility then finally welcomed a little boy.

We thought if we ever wanted another child we'd have to go through the same again, however 12 months later I was pregnant. Total shock / surprise. (Realise this is longer gap than you have).

I was horrified. Had awful morning sickness and booked into gps to talk about termination.

However, I couldn't go through with it, knowing that the chances of having a successful natural pregnancy again would be tiny. Our daughter was born 18 months after my son. It was really hard and I felt all the guilt you do. However, 6 years later it's amazing (it didn't take that long to be amazing btw!). Dd and ds are great pals and we have our lovely little family.

Good luck with whatever you choose, it's a hard place to be, but I hope my story helps x

@3yearsversus3minutes - I just wanted to post to firstly give you 💐 but also to say echo previous posters who say that it’s hard to imagine when they are a couple of months old how amazingly robust and independent they are at one. I say that as someone who would love for a happy accident now but totally would have freaked out when my DC was that small.

Have you considered the possibility you won’t have another pregnancy? I would consider that before going through a termination. I know two that took a few years to get pregnant, and then both never managed to have another. I would consider this before going for a termination and if you could be happy with one, then go ahead with what you decide. But if you desperately want another in the future, I would keep this one. Many babies are born close together and have happy lives, close bonds etc.

Tough situation I hope what ever you decide is the right choice for you - I would also echo other posters that you need to be really sure that you are happy with just one.
i think having them close is lovely as they have a special bond (hopefully) and when they are older they get the benefit of being aunts/ uncles and their children benefit from cousins. I never had that extended family but I wish I had. Saying that you know what your situation is and I wish you luck whatever you decide 🙂

I have considered that I wouldn’t have another pregnancy. We thought DD would be an only, and we were very comfortable with that. If the gap got too big we would have left it. She’s such a blessing, she’s more than enough.

I just can’t manage to do the practical looking after of two babies. And that is what it is, I’d be having two babies. With a complex health condition that results in pregnancy based blood clots in my lungs, I can’t do it to DD.

someone said earlier that she deserves the best of me, and I deserve to enjoy her. That really struck me.

IVF mum here followed by a surprise! 15months gap and I thought I couldn't do it. Yep the early years wee mental, fun but mental and got so much easier from toddlerhood onwards as they were both at similar stages! Congratulations Op. Mine are 19 and 20 now and can't imagine life without them!

I had a difficult pregnancy and birth with my first - second was a breeze. I was one week back at work after mat leave when I found out I was pregnant with dd. DS can't remember life without dd and they are so close.
It can be done and your dc will not suffer from having a sibling close in age. My cousins are 9 months apart!!

Wishing you the best op. I'd feel the same way, not that mine or anyone elses opinion but yours matters here. It's a lot to take on for your mind and body.

On btw mine are a planned 17 months apart, it was wonderful. They are able to do all the same activities and hit stages together.

I do think a lot of what you are feeling might be down to shock.

Did someone report my earlier post?

The weird thing for me with my second, was that the children weren't necessarily getting the 'best' of me, but what they had, with the addition of a sibling more than made up for it.

The first person they want to see in the morning is eachother. The youngest one has to kiss my eldest before she goes to school. They are best friends (and occasionally best enemies), but what they have is so much richer than what they'd have without eachother. They 'get' eachother on a level that I can't. They go to a party with friends, they still prefer to play with each other. They play together in a way that I can't. They love eachother fiercely.

And so, with 2 under 2, it was (still is) knackering, it's also the best decision I've ever made. They add a depth to each others lives.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with 1 did families, but I'm personally so glad they have eachother.

If you don't want a second, then the decisive is obviously yours to make, but don't just look at it for loss from your second, but also what they'd gain with a sibling.

Best of luck

You need to do what's right for you, my sister and I are 11 months apart. We are polar opposite people, we rubbed alongside one another growing up but as adults aren't that close

Yep that's positive!

Yikes sorry the full thread didn't load, ignore me

This was mine and I was definitely pregnant! DS was 13 months old so was a bit worried but all is well, I see a line on yours!

Oh I'm sorry! The full thread didn't load I don't know why.

You have to do what's right for you and your family, sending love

Lots of women have babies close together and those children turn out happy and well-adjusted, often very close to their siblings. I can't believe you'd terminate when you tried so hard for one.

Op. I hope things are getting better and the termination goes smoothly and quickly. Be kind to yourself

@3yearsversus3minutes what would the gap be ? I planned a small gap and have 15 months and I've never regretted for one minute one is almost 2.5 and one is just gone 1. They are the best of friends their bond is so pure. It is totally your decision but make sure you aren't rushing it. Your daughter would never know any different and you could well be giving her a best friend if not for life then throigh childhood.

You need to do what is right for you OP, but i don’t think perceiving it as unfair on your existing child to have such a small gap to be a good reason.
If you know you won’t cope, and you are happy with 1 child (because another child is never a guarantee), then maybe it is the right decision for you.

I had twins second time around meaning I had 3 kids in 21 months. Honestly I was terrified about it while pregnant, and felt horrendously guilty about my eldest being a big sister twice over before she turned 2 (never mind that my middle child was a technically big sister at 2 minutes old…).

And it was hard, bloody hard and it was an adjustment for all of us, but my “big” girl didn’t remember her siblings ever having not been there within weeks. And they are so lovely together. Plus we were done with the baby then toddler then preschool phases really fast… I don’t know I just couldn’t imagine it being any other way at this point.

I think I understand you OP.
I’m feeling that it’s less to do with the age gap between the two, and more to do with how your pregnancy-related health issues could impact your very young DD.

If that’s the case that’s completely understandable and I don’t think comments about how other people coped with babies born close together is particularly relevant or helpful.

@3yearsversus3minutes i had one when DD was 4 because I talked myself into thinking it would be ok having a second, always imagining having 2 etc etc. like you I had a hard time getting pregnant with DC1, figured it would take a while and in the back of my mind then I could kind of feel like, well I tried, but it was just too hard. Rather than admitting to myself, I just don’t want the life that having 2 means.

Its been a few months and I don’t have any regrets. I felt very sad that I’d put myself in that position, very sad that I DIDN’T want another child but very certain that I didn’t. Feel free to DM me if you have questions about the actual experience. I don’t live in the UK though so I think had much more control over exactly how the procedure was carried out.

I would recommend seeing a therapist and considering telling close friends or family.