Was told I was infertile, now pregnant in daft circumstances

[ForFlipsSakes]

I am trying to get my head around it because I genuinely am in shock. I DID have unprotected sex (with a male friend of years who I have an arrangement with, don’t use the pill as I was told I am infertile but we both had STD screening before ditching condoms and are on the same page that if we sleep with anybody else we will inform the other and resume protected sex, but we are pretty much in an exclusive sexual arrangement so no lectures please). I know many will roll their eyes and stop reading after seeing ‘unprotected sex’ but:

1. I have stage 4 endometriosis all over my uterus and ovaries and was told I’d likely need IVF and a repeated surgery to have the endo out to ever conceive

1. I was on day 8 of my cycle, still having periodish discharge, my cycle is usually 30+ days.

1. He didn’t finish. There’s no question of this, we were only going for about a minute and he usally lasts half an hour. We had to stop due to pain I was having. He has always had um…leakage though before so I assume it was just a particularly athletic swimmer going after a head start.

We hadn’t had any other occasions of sex for 3 months prior, so it definitely happened on that one occasion. The father knows and we are both okay with it and keeping the baby. He knows that due to my endo my potential infertility has been a fear of mine so he understands my need to have the baby and is supportive. He is also divorced with an older child who he is a good father to. We are now considering a relationship. The reason we aren’t already at that stage is because his ex-wife has had a string of disastrous relationships since the divorce and fails to prioritise their child, so he prefers to be single and focus all of his affections and energy onto his daughter. But obviously the baby now changes things and he is considering whether a relationship with me and potential blending down the line is more beneficial to everybody involved. As I am his friend of 15 years (nothing happened until his marriage ended, before somebody jumps on me.) I have met and looked after the child on many occasions.

So I’m not so much seeking advice on him and keeping the baby, more just curious about other people’s experiences of falling pregnant when really, it shouldn’t have happened. I have 2 close friends who I told, and they both rolled their eyes and implied “Ah yes, of COURSE he didn’t finish.” sarcastically. Then another one said that her sister fell pregnant on her period twice despite having long cycles normally and she reckons that sometimes sex can trigger spontaneous ovulation which sounds like a load of rubbish to me. I suppose I want to hear other stories so it feels less like a practical joke that a higher being has played on me.

I'm a bit confused.

Day 8, with him tending to pre ejaculate (and some men are more likely to have active swimmers on pre ejaculate than others, he must be the former) means up to 5 days sperm survival (?) Which means day 13. Which is almost mid cycle, when ovulation usually occurs.

So I don't understand why the timing is a surprise.

I think the older you get, you tend to ovulate earlier too.

Well, many congratulations!

It's just not an exact science, as much as people selling fertility apps would like to sell it. I tested positive at 7 weeks after 14 months of trying. I know exactly when it was as DH was away either side and I had a period between conception and testing positive. A proper full blown one.

You've got a more solid base for a good family relationship than many other couples out there - you both sound honest and forthright with each other. Honesty, an ability to roll with the unexpected and a dollop of humour is a lot like the relationship me and DH have always had. And it's a good combination.

It may evolve into a committed relationship or you might just end up as very good co-parents but either way, it sounds like you both are open to whatever evolves, and that's great.

Congratulations!

Congratulations and I hope the pregnancy goes well with a healthy baby at the end. Regardless of the circumstances you got a baby without a difficult process of fertility treatment and I’m genuinely happy for you. Keep us updated, I do love a happy ending! (From someone with pcos who has a long fight on her hands!)

How amazing, are you happy?

Why do people never seem to understand that INFERTILE and STERILE are not remotely the same thing?

Infertile simply means its HARDER to get pregnant because you are lower than 'average' (defined as no pregnancy in 12 cycles of unprotected sex).

Sterile means its IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant because theres no access to the germ cells (such as missing vital part of the reproductive organs or having complete damage/blockage to the tube or failure of reproduction caused by things like chemo or mumps).

Im infertile (PCOS causing annovulation), my DH is infertile (tetrozospermia of 0.5%) and in 16 years of trying I have had 3 natural pregnancies (1 loss) and 1 IVF baby. Actively trying took 3 years, then 6 years (loss), then 3 years, then 2.5 years.

Very few people are actually sterile and most that are deliberately choose to be sterilised medically, yet its amazing the amount of people who say 'I was told I would never have kids' because thats litrally not something medical profesionals are allowed to say.

Dispite my littled educational rant... OP congratulations on your baby, Im very happy you have achieved this with lower odds (and being spared IVF) and Im sure things will work out well for you, baby and dad as it seem regardless of you being in an traditional romatic relationship or not you seem to have a good relationship in general and sound quite mature bar this little misunderstanding.

This made me giggle OP as I’ve never made a connection about how athletic DS is and the miracle that was his conception!!! Ok so I’ve never told this in real life but here goes ……

As in your scenario DP didn’t finish either as DD woke up and we could hear her getting up and walking towards our room.

It was definitely that night though, opportunities were seldom at the time.

DD herself was conceived under another phenomenon of your 3 fold hat trick - just before or just after my period, can’t remember which, so we didn’t use protection. My cycle was like clockwork. Solid relationship but we weren’t planning a baby at that point.

Not the same circs but DD was a massive surprise. I was 24, DH and I were hooking up for a while (he was in an open relationship), then stopped seeing each other, then he confessed he loved me and we decided to give a relationship a go. 3 months later, while I was on the patch, we conceived DD. Big shock to both of us but we’re all a very happy family now! I think there were a few raised eyebrows at the time but it was nearly 6 years ago now so I think everyone’s forgotten

I’ve definitely heard of orgasm triggering spontaneous ovulation. Does make sense when you think about it…

A single friend of a dd who’d been told that it was a million to one against her ever conceiving naturally, found herself pregnant after a one night stand while on a work trip abroad. So it’s hardly unknown.

Congrats on your pregnancy anyway, OP - and how good that you’re both happy about it.

Congratulations! I hope you are happy with the situation.

Now focus your mind on not losing the baby. I don’t mean that to sound terrible, but rather constructive.

Get the scan done, get your bloods done, check that your HcG and progesterone are at the level they should be so that a doctor can prescribe the latter if it isn’t.

I speak from experience, you can be pregnant and then the hormone levels can suddenly fall and it ends in a miscarriage that can take a long time to recover from emotionally, so please do see a consultant as soon as you can because we want this baby to stick!!

this is a terrible thing to post... progesterone is rarely the reason for MC and nothing else can be stopped.

Your just insighting panic for no reason.

I know someone who had a healthy child after being told she was infertile. It happens. Congratulations! Hope you find an arrangement that suits everyone, your partner's daughter sounds vulnerable.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER.

Hmm. It does happen in some animals doesn’t it (spontaneous ovulation) So maybe not that crazy of a thought. I just feel like if it was possible it’d be well known. Shame it isn’t like that. TTC would be a much less gruelling process surely. I’m so beyond grateful that I’ve been spared it with my condition. Hopefully baby sticks.

I was seeing someone last summer, was on the coil. Had it removed as I was just constantly bleeding for 3 months and wound up in hospital with an infection. I’ve got pcos; and very irratic cycles, never had a scare in all my years of having sex inc In a 10 year marriage.

Mutually decided to end the dating with the guy I was seeing, one last time sleeping with him for the hell of it. 2 weeks later bam, pregnant.

told him, he wanted nothing to do with it, I’m almost 40 and felt like this was my last chance (I have a child from a previous relationship) but was quite happy to go it alone and now he’s here and I’m so glad I went through with it in less than ideal circumstances, baby’s dad hasn’t met him or been in touch, I don’t even think he told anyone about it, so my lo is a secret to a whole family who live 10 mins away from me.

congrats on the pregnancy - if you’re happy then there’s very little you need to justify to others. Anyone can get on a high horse about protection but frankly in the heat of the moment anyone can also get carried away and more do than would ever admit I’m sure, otherwise there would be no Stis or unplanned pregnancies!

@Sunbleachedjeans unfortunately in the vast majority of cases, there's no way to prevent miscarriage.

@ForFlipsSakes congratulations! My husband and I have fertility challenges (I don't ovulate) and recently found out I was pregnant - all the ovulation induction drug cycles hadnt been working and at the time I conceived I was on a medication to induce a period and we had sex once. Regarding progesterone, you could request it if your levels have been a problem in the past.

Worth stressing for anyone who has been told they are infertile and does not want a child that infertility isn't the same as sterile! If you are a woman unless you have no uterus or no ovaries it is possible, no matter how unlikely!

I was told I couldn’t conceive. One tube removed. 90% scarring in one tube - waiting for it to be removed so on the pill - pregnant. Next time was told as I was 40 and the above situation that it would be unlikely and to consider ivf I was pregnant in 2 weeks on stopping condoms.

friend of mine had a sterilisation (female) and got pregnant.

i also know a number of people that whilst breastfeeding were pregnant 6 weeks after birth.

it happens

I was told I had pcos, I was taking Metformin, but knew that I did want children. Relatively new partner, discussed coming off the pill now so that we could show the doctors in a few years that we'd been trying with no success.

Ofc I fell pregnant the first month!!

@Sunbleachedjeans WTF?! Someone is happy and you scare her with miscarriage talk? You can't prevent it either. Many happen for genetic reasons etc

Because nature wants the species to carry on and can be incredibly resilient. With infertility there is always a chance. Congratulations

I am the baby that shouldn't have been.

My mum had the same diagnoses and prognoses as you. She had been told she categorically would never conceive. My dad very much wanted babies but had resigned himself to a childless marriage when he proposed to my mum. In time, they both got used to the idea and pursued a life of travel and culture and grown up stuff that they both loved. They took no precaution for several years because, why should they?

At some point, one of my mums friends mentioned that she had put on a bit of weight and mum acknowledged that she had been feeling really hungry lately. So she upped her tennis playing from once a week to three time a week. She also smoked (this was early 70s) and upped her smoking to 'suppress her appetite"

By the time she saw a GP with a recurring urine infection she was almost seven months pregnant with me.

Sometimes, it's just meant to be. Congratulations :)

He knows that due to my endo my potential infertility has been a fear of mine

Why did he not finish inside you?

Were you diagnosed as completely infertile or just had a low chance of conceiving?

I know a couple of people who got pregnant off pre-cum and I conceived on the pill (not that my DDs dad ever believed me).

Huge congratulations and fingers crossed for a smooth pregnancy.x

I'm infertile (over 10 years trying, half of which in my 20s). Unexplained. Had 2 IVF babies so expecting my miracle any day 😂

Congratulations OP. If you planned to have children one day, you've been spared a lot of shit. Hope you and your now partner are happy together

Congratulations is all I can say!

I don't think I've got any miracle stories that I know of but life works in mysterious ways. One friend of mine at 35 got pregnant and thought she couldn't get pregnant then as it hadn't happened before.

I was fully expecting your OP to end with the baby's father not wanting the baby - but how lovely that it didn't. Congratulations!