Was told I was infertile, now pregnant in daft circumstances

[ForFlipsSakes]

I am trying to get my head around it because I genuinely am in shock. I DID have unprotected sex (with a male friend of years who I have an arrangement with, don’t use the pill as I was told I am infertile but we both had STD screening before ditching condoms and are on the same page that if we sleep with anybody else we will inform the other and resume protected sex, but we are pretty much in an exclusive sexual arrangement so no lectures please). I know many will roll their eyes and stop reading after seeing ‘unprotected sex’ but:

1. I have stage 4 endometriosis all over my uterus and ovaries and was told I’d likely need IVF and a repeated surgery to have the endo out to ever conceive

1. I was on day 8 of my cycle, still having periodish discharge, my cycle is usually 30+ days.

1. He didn’t finish. There’s no question of this, we were only going for about a minute and he usally lasts half an hour. We had to stop due to pain I was having. He has always had um…leakage though before so I assume it was just a particularly athletic swimmer going after a head start.

We hadn’t had any other occasions of sex for 3 months prior, so it definitely happened on that one occasion. The father knows and we are both okay with it and keeping the baby. He knows that due to my endo my potential infertility has been a fear of mine so he understands my need to have the baby and is supportive. He is also divorced with an older child who he is a good father to. We are now considering a relationship. The reason we aren’t already at that stage is because his ex-wife has had a string of disastrous relationships since the divorce and fails to prioritise their child, so he prefers to be single and focus all of his affections and energy onto his daughter. But obviously the baby now changes things and he is considering whether a relationship with me and potential blending down the line is more beneficial to everybody involved. As I am his friend of 15 years (nothing happened until his marriage ended, before somebody jumps on me.) I have met and looked after the child on many occasions.

So I’m not so much seeking advice on him and keeping the baby, more just curious about other people’s experiences of falling pregnant when really, it shouldn’t have happened. I have 2 close friends who I told, and they both rolled their eyes and implied “Ah yes, of COURSE he didn’t finish.” sarcastically. Then another one said that her sister fell pregnant on her period twice despite having long cycles normally and she reckons that sometimes sex can trigger spontaneous ovulation which sounds like a load of rubbish to me. I suppose I want to hear other stories so it feels less like a practical joke that a higher being has played on me.

Wow - this one was really meant to be!! Congratulations ❤️

Get over the him not finishing.

Congratulations :)

You know what, you both sound sensible and realistic and sack off anyone who wants to throw any puritan shit your way. It is what it is and no one can have any regrets about something hitting them out of nowhere like this. There are so few true surprises left in life. You've got one. I wish you both the very best :)

Congratulations!

A friend is a coil baby. That’s what made me ask DH to have a vasectomy so I could get rid of mine.

Great op! It makes sense to try being in a relationship if you’re friends, you’re exclusively having sex with each other and you’ve got a baby on the way.

Huge congratulations to you xxx

Took me once without using protection. Thought it'd be difficult for me to get pregnant due to the history of women and infertility in my family and that it was only 'once'. Listen when they say it only takes one time, they're not lying! Couldn't be happier though

Congratulations a 15 yr friendship is probably much better than a new love interest for teaming up in anything. Enjoy your pregnancy:)

Didn't finish = withdrawal. Withdrawal does not work. I have a 19 year old.. 😂 congratulations on your pregnancy.

People are married, try for years to have a baby and split before it arrives or shortly afterwards.

Your circumstances may not be ideal but you have a solid friendship so I'd say you are actually way ahead of most.

I would say don't put too much pressure on yourselves to be a family in the conventional sense. If it ends up there, great, but if you do it your way for a while, that's absolutely fine and your baby won't know any different.

Hope it all works out for you

I have a friend whose first marriage ended because of her infertility. Her exH just couldn't accept it. After a lot of testing, she was eventually told that she would absolutely need IVF to ever conceive and even then her odds were not good.

Three months into her relationship with her now DH. she conceived their daughter. Then twin boys three years later. He ended up getting a vasectomy after that, because they were done having kids!

When it comes to conception, miracles do occasionally happen. My friend and her DH had a baby after about a year of trying - thought nothing of it really - as that's pretty normal. However, when they started trying for a second, nothing happened. They went to see a doctor who said 'Lets start with testing DH, as that's the easiest place to start' and so they tested his sperm. He basically doesn't have any and what he does have are in terrible shape. Their DD is basically a miracle. The doctor said he had no idea how she came about really, since her DF's sperm are fucked, but there she is - a miracle. They never did manage to have a second DC, despite IVF and years of unprotected sex.

To be fair though, you were told it was unlikely not impossible. Therefore there was always a chance that you could conceive without any contraception (and withdrawal isnt)

Congratulations! It's such great news. Your guy sounds really nice, too. I hope his daughter takes it well and looks forward to having a baby sister.

A tiny chance is still a chance as your pregnancy proves! Congratulations OP, it looks like this LO really wanted to be conceived .

ah congrats OP

This has given me the warm and fuzzies! Congratulations to you 💕

I remember when i was trying to conceive without luck a friend said to me, "it's a miracle." And it really is. So much has to align for a baby to be born.

In a way it made it easier to be reminded that I was attempting a miracle and in your case it's also worth remembering because really that is a total and utter miracle!

Congratulations.

Congratulations 🎉🎊🥳

Congratulations. Yeah, it does happen and I suspect more often than a lot of people realise. A friend of mine got pregnant naturally at the age of 42 after years of failed fertility treatment.

Ignore your friends. I was infertile (3 kids now) and lots of people who are fertile really, really don’t get it and say a lot of dumb shit because they really don’t get infertility. After 29 years of sexual activity and zero natural pregnancies I still have friends who are horrified me and my husband of 20 years don’t use contraception.

It might be unexpected but I think there's a bit of serendipity going on here.

Regardless of whether you end up as a couple or not, and it doesn't matter if you do or don't, it sounds like you will both be good parents and will make this situation work.

Congratulations on your surprise pregnancy.

I wouldn't concern yourself with the how and why it happened. Two good things have come from this.

1. Pregnancy
2. Possible relationship with someone you have a good bond with, seems like perhaps this was just the kick up the bum you both needed to move forward with it.

Congratulations !

Congrats!

I managed to get pregnant with my second whilst having a never ending miscarriage that actually ended up in a hospital stay due to uncontrollable bleeding. After so much eugh one night we just to hell with the blood and yeah baby, I was signed off as pregnant at my last consultant appointment for my mc.

It was definitely a new pregnancy as well as all my levels and uterus lining etc where being monitored.

Tried for years and we were told we'd be extremely unlikely to conceive naturally and should go for IVF, as my husband had such poor sperm (both quantity and quality). Had one go at IVF (unsuccessful) and were very stressed, wondering how we'd afford another go, when I found out I was pregnant naturally. DD is now 23.