Was told I was infertile, now pregnant in daft circumstances

[ForFlipsSakes]

I am trying to get my head around it because I genuinely am in shock. I DID have unprotected sex (with a male friend of years who I have an arrangement with, don’t use the pill as I was told I am infertile but we both had STD screening before ditching condoms and are on the same page that if we sleep with anybody else we will inform the other and resume protected sex, but we are pretty much in an exclusive sexual arrangement so no lectures please). I know many will roll their eyes and stop reading after seeing ‘unprotected sex’ but:

1. I have stage 4 endometriosis all over my uterus and ovaries and was told I’d likely need IVF and a repeated surgery to have the endo out to ever conceive

1. I was on day 8 of my cycle, still having periodish discharge, my cycle is usually 30+ days.

1. He didn’t finish. There’s no question of this, we were only going for about a minute and he usally lasts half an hour. We had to stop due to pain I was having. He has always had um…leakage though before so I assume it was just a particularly athletic swimmer going after a head start.

We hadn’t had any other occasions of sex for 3 months prior, so it definitely happened on that one occasion. The father knows and we are both okay with it and keeping the baby. He knows that due to my endo my potential infertility has been a fear of mine so he understands my need to have the baby and is supportive. He is also divorced with an older child who he is a good father to. We are now considering a relationship. The reason we aren’t already at that stage is because his ex-wife has had a string of disastrous relationships since the divorce and fails to prioritise their child, so he prefers to be single and focus all of his affections and energy onto his daughter. But obviously the baby now changes things and he is considering whether a relationship with me and potential blending down the line is more beneficial to everybody involved. As I am his friend of 15 years (nothing happened until his marriage ended, before somebody jumps on me.) I have met and looked after the child on many occasions.

So I’m not so much seeking advice on him and keeping the baby, more just curious about other people’s experiences of falling pregnant when really, it shouldn’t have happened. I have 2 close friends who I told, and they both rolled their eyes and implied “Ah yes, of COURSE he didn’t finish.” sarcastically. Then another one said that her sister fell pregnant on her period twice despite having long cycles normally and she reckons that sometimes sex can trigger spontaneous ovulation which sounds like a load of rubbish to me. I suppose I want to hear other stories so it feels less like a practical joke that a higher being has played on me.

Aw this is such a lovely thread so glad you both want the baby. Congratulations x

Is it possible you are longer than you think as in over 12 weeks ?
may only advice is don’t risk on things . Wait until the baby is born to make a decision about being in a relationship , a baby changes relationship dynamics . Good luck hun and congratulations

We lived between two sets of middle aged childless neighbours. Both couples had been married 15 + years, longed for children but had never had a pregnancy and had given up hope. Out of the blue, with no warning, treatment or intervention, both sides found themselves unexpectedly pregnant, had a healthy baby, and both did the same again 18 months later.

Ah it was meant to be - congratulations.

I got pregnant after 6 months of chemo - being told I was most likely infertile and I was on tamoxifen at the time. We also were not having much sex.

Our bodies are quite amazing sometimes.

Congrats !

Not exactly same circumstances but when me and my partner concieved our first the midwife was in shock and was in disbelief we concieved naturally after a month of trying. I have a strong auto immune disease and my partner had previously had chemo. Now 5 years later im 6 months preg with our second after one try .... whats meant to be !

I once worked with a lady who was told she was infertile in her early 20's. She ask the gp fro the depo injection and was told she definitely didn't need it. She pushed it as she said you hear stories all the time about infertile women getting pregnant so the relented and gave it her.
A year in, no missed injections, she went to get her next and the did a test as routine before giving her the next jab.... she was pregnant.

😁
congratulations, how lovely.

Congratulations, it was meant to be and you will both be wonderful parents whether you are together or not ✨

I got pregnant by having sex on day 6 of the cycle. On its own it probably wouldn't be as much of a surprise but it came after 7 years of infertility which included multiple rounds of IVF and 4 MCs. That 'day 6' will be 3 years old in a month. Congratulations!

My friend from school has a tumor that's pressing on her brain, doctors assured her no chance in the world she will fall pregnant, and she has 10 years old son now.

Yes congratulations, to you both.

You sound like sensible people I’m sure you’ll make good decisions.

Congratulations!

DC3 was a coil baby born practically clutching the damn thing. There are so many we have done because we had DC3. Our lives took a completely different and good course from the one it would have taken otherwise.

No judgement here! I think it’s absolutely wonderful and it’s refreshing to hear of two wel balanced adults in a consensual and sensible agreement, who are taking the unexpected news in their stride and making the right moves, it’s a Mumsnet unicorn! Best of luck op, please keep the thread updated with your pregnancy journey if you feel up to it, I’d love to see this happy ending xx

The doctor actually used the word “infertile”? That’s very bad if he/she did.

I was born with an incomplete uterus and cervix and also have only one Fallopian tube and one ovary. I was just born that way. Everything else is normal. I have had surgeries to try and remedy this. I have never been able to become pregnant. I ovulate sporadically but nothing sticks. Even with all my issues I was told by gynaecologists that they never use words such as “infertile”, “you will never become pregnant”, etc. As there is always a chance unless you have no uterus at all. I was told things like “it will be a struggle”, “it will involve a lot of medical intervention” but I was never told “not possible”, “never” or such finite words.

You are now experiencing exactly why they should not use such terminology. I’d file a complaint if I were you. That’s very unprofessional of the doctor.

My niece had had failed IVF attempts as both her and her partner had issues and had decided to stop and get a dog instead. Then she fell pregnant unplanned and without any help and her little boy will soon be three now. Congratulations.

It happens. I was told I had bad tubal damage, would need IVF etc but then had 4 babies in seven years naturally. They should never say you won't conceive for certain.

I got pregnant about the third time I ever had sex! Both my mother and grandmother had battled infertility for years, hence both me and my mum are only children, so figured I’d be the same. I also fell pregnant my first month trying with dc’s 2&3.
My friend’s mum had been told she was infertile due to chemotherapy when she was young, my friend was a ‘miracle baby’ and they were even in the local paper! She also has two younger brothers..
Congrats OP 🎉 wishing you a healthy smooth pregnancy.

Congratulations! Sex between two consenting adults and a baby that will be very much wanted. Hope you enjoy a pregnancy without issues with a gorgeous baby at the end of it X

Congratulations.
sometimes babies have different plans for us!

Whilst looking at my contraception failure conceived a few days before my period

A friend had triplets via IVF. Obviously not using contraception after birth as told she couldn't have children. 10 weeks after having the triplets she had sex for the first time and got pregnant

I got pregnant on the pill, using a condom and he didn't finish now have a copper coil

Did they, though? People post on here quite frequently that they were told they'd NEVER HAVE A BABY and now they're pregnant and I strongly suspect they were actually told what you were told. I would be very, very surprised to learn that a doctor actually spoke in absolutes, because doctors know biology doesn't work that way. I would however not be at all surprised to learn that a patient remembered it as "the doctor told me I'd never get pregnant", even though that's not actually what was said.

Infertile and sterile are different concepts though.

Infertile means you will probably have trouble conceiving. It definitely does not mean that it's impossible.

Sterile mean no chance to conceive. None at all.

Too many patients are told "infertile" but choose to hear "sterile". That's on them.

The doctor did nothing wrong

Not a massive believer in fate but sometimes the universe gives you a definite push - usually best to go with it.
congratulations and the very best of luck. It seems a good start to a relationship to me - friends before anything else, attraction still there after a long period and both understanding the others priorities.

I had the exact same thing! Was told I'd need surgery before I'd ever be able to fall pregnant naturally and so was in the same situation as you - in a exclusively casual relationship where we'd both had std checks before ditching barrier contraception. I found out I was pregnant and felt so amazed and a bit silly. My friends thought I'd been ridiculous but when a doctor says "this'll be nigh on impossible" you believe them. Congratulations 😊

"Even if they pee before sex, the man can still release fluid before they ejaculate. This pre-ejaculate does contain sperm"
Hopefully most people do know this, so him pulling out really doesnt mean that much OP.