Was told I was infertile, now pregnant in daft circumstances

[ForFlipsSakes]

I am trying to get my head around it because I genuinely am in shock. I DID have unprotected sex (with a male friend of years who I have an arrangement with, don’t use the pill as I was told I am infertile but we both had STD screening before ditching condoms and are on the same page that if we sleep with anybody else we will inform the other and resume protected sex, but we are pretty much in an exclusive sexual arrangement so no lectures please). I know many will roll their eyes and stop reading after seeing ‘unprotected sex’ but:

1. I have stage 4 endometriosis all over my uterus and ovaries and was told I’d likely need IVF and a repeated surgery to have the endo out to ever conceive

1. I was on day 8 of my cycle, still having periodish discharge, my cycle is usually 30+ days.

1. He didn’t finish. There’s no question of this, we were only going for about a minute and he usally lasts half an hour. We had to stop due to pain I was having. He has always had um…leakage though before so I assume it was just a particularly athletic swimmer going after a head start.

We hadn’t had any other occasions of sex for 3 months prior, so it definitely happened on that one occasion. The father knows and we are both okay with it and keeping the baby. He knows that due to my endo my potential infertility has been a fear of mine so he understands my need to have the baby and is supportive. He is also divorced with an older child who he is a good father to. We are now considering a relationship. The reason we aren’t already at that stage is because his ex-wife has had a string of disastrous relationships since the divorce and fails to prioritise their child, so he prefers to be single and focus all of his affections and energy onto his daughter. But obviously the baby now changes things and he is considering whether a relationship with me and potential blending down the line is more beneficial to everybody involved. As I am his friend of 15 years (nothing happened until his marriage ended, before somebody jumps on me.) I have met and looked after the child on many occasions.

So I’m not so much seeking advice on him and keeping the baby, more just curious about other people’s experiences of falling pregnant when really, it shouldn’t have happened. I have 2 close friends who I told, and they both rolled their eyes and implied “Ah yes, of COURSE he didn’t finish.” sarcastically. Then another one said that her sister fell pregnant on her period twice despite having long cycles normally and she reckons that sometimes sex can trigger spontaneous ovulation which sounds like a load of rubbish to me. I suppose I want to hear other stories so it feels less like a practical joke that a higher being has played on me.

Knew two couples years ago but not any reasons they’d been given for infertility.
Couple 1 had their Silver Wedding anniversary party and she thought it odd that she just didn’t fancy the champagne, said she had an odd taste in her mouth. Yes, pregnant after 25 years of marriage ( they had a boy)
Couple 2 were told for various reasons they’d never conceive. Found she was pregnant at 42 ( had been married for almost 20 years) with a boy…….. and a year later with a girl.
Congratulations, it is meant to be.

I have two friends in their 40s who have spontaneously conceived this year despite being told they were infertile. Congratulations!

You had sex and got pregnant, I'm not sure why it's that shocking, it wasn't impossible.

I know someone who got pregnant (she slept with the best man when she was bridesmaid) he "didn't finish" I actually think he came really quickly and was too embarassed to admit it, my friend told me what happen (before she realised she was pregnant) and said he couldn't get it up. He must have come in seconds. I'd assume your bloke came quickly.

I conceived one of my children the day my period was due, it was with my husband (not some random!!) but we weren't trying, I had period cramps so we just went for it, you can't get pregnant when you are about to start your period, unless you ovulate 2 weeks late that is. We were going to start trying for our second child a few months later so we aren't completely reckless!

Congrats if it is good news for you.

When I think about it too much, I find it incomprehensible that new life can spark from an egg and a sperm. It just seems so unlikely and fantastic that two little scraps of genetic material can fuse together and become a new person.

So when someone falls pregnant "magically" it reminds me how incredible the reproductive process is. Beyond my understanding anyway.

Hope you pick a very special name for your very special baby. Congrats!

This has happened to me. I've got extremely bad PCOS, we needed substantial help (clomid and IUI) with DC1, DC2.

This time, i was using protection and it STILL happened. I know condoms are only 94% effective but it's just absurd to me.

Congratulations OP.

I went to a natural family planning course where they explained their a little indents in womb the sperm wait until ovulation - male sperm die first and female sperm can live quite a long time so not more a strong swimmer but a strong survivor and I bet you are having a girl. Congrats.

Congratulations OP!

No relevant experience sorry, but Congratulations, how exciting and the father situation sounds like it has a lot of positives tbh

DD1 was a coil baby. DD2 took 9 years of trying for.
Congratulations OP, sometimes the best things happen unexpectedly.

A friend is a coil baby. That’s what made me ask DH to have a vasectomy so I could get rid of mine

My best friend at school was a vasectomy baby 🙈 (and she was definitely her father’s - spitting image).

I fell pregnant despite DH using a condom! We assume DC is going to be a bit of a character 😆

Fact is that 20%-25% of UK women experience miscarriage. Let’s not dismiss those women.

A lot of women would rather know the risk and prepare themselves for that event even if it doesn’t happen.

That is why many women remain quiet about their pregnancy for the first trimester.

The greatest risk is mostly only 13 weeks or so, you have to concern yourselves with. Other issues can occur but far more rare.

Secondly, seeing a midwife or doctor as soon as possible if a patient already has fertility issues can only help.

If there’s nothing to identify then all’s good and well. Better that than wondering if a m/c might have been prevented.

I was almost a miscarriage and I am here because of progesterone supplementation due to bleeding. Fit and healthy!

Thirdly, yes, in a way, you could say “don’t worry about progesterone supplements” because NICE/NHS won’t prescribe them until you’ve already had a miscarriage, so if bleeding presents in the first pregnancy, sadly they won’t bother but in the second pregnancy they now will prescribe.

As the Midwives’ Information & Resource Service advises, on the 25th of November, 2021, ‘NICE recommends Progesterone to lower the risk of miscarriage in women who experience bleeding in early pregnancy and who have had at least one miscarriage. The CEO of NICE states that she is pleased that they are offering it as a new treatment plan.

They state that it will not be able to prevent every miscarriage but that it will now be offered on the NHS.

It is stated that The RCOG (Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists) welcome the new NICE guideline that acknowledges their (RCOG’s) findings from the PRISM trial. More research still needs to be conducted, etc.

And this is not a quote from them because it’s discussing publicly funded medication but it is a fact that progesterone has been privately prescribed in pregnancy for decades, at least half a century.

I hope that @ForFlipsSakes doesn’t require it but if she already has issues that she has been advised will affect fertility, it’s essential to see a specialist.

I say this because I want her pregnancy to go well!

Fertility can be weird.
DC1 - tried for 3 years before seeking help and eventually falling pregnant.
DC2 - fell pregnant month 2 of not really TTC but not not trying.
DC3 - Making every effort not to get pregnant 😂

Sometimes it’s (they) are just meant to be.

Cousin's wife was told she was infertile after having cancer treatment as a teenager. Resulted in her finding herself pregnant much younger than she would have planned (21). They married, had more children and lived happily ever after until the cancer returned.

I also have stage 4 endometriosis, one tube, premature ovarian failure and was trying for 9 years and had a baby from my 5th cycle of IVF with donor eggs, when he was 7 months I got pregnant naturally, we had sex once during that month so god knows how it all fell into place.

One of mine conceived with no 'finish' either!

Where he didn’t finish and I was practically still on my period?

But, as I mentioned already, you would've been near ovulation 5 days later and they can live that long.

That's actually very efficient, they're there waiting to pounce on the egg.

The eggs not waiting around from them, with it's only 48 hrs (?) life span.

Some men have v active sperm in their pre ejaculate, some don't .. apparently

Oh it's a lovely outcome, many heartfelt congratulations. As someone who tried for 7 years to conceive DS - I am delighted for you. It sounds like you and the guy will be fantastic co-parents whether or not you formalise your relationship.

As to why not before when you were very young or when you took chances with this man .... Peak fertility is still only 25 per cent chance per month. It's then dropping though to 5 per cent around 40 onwards.

Your chance per cycle might be lower than average too.

But if you play the odds long enough....

I thought I was infertile too, and totally can understand the shock, but what great news!

For me, having a friend as a partner sounds perfect as you have done the ground work. The fact that he wants to prioritise his daughter would make me love that bit more, plus the fact that you are both talking about it sound like a really mature moving forward.

Congratulations!
I got pregnant at 42 within 6 weeks. Was told I was infertile due to Endo and a spongy Uterus that wasn't fit for purpose.

My mother was also told she'd never have children....

Congrats. Yes a friend of mine who had been treated for cervical cancer and told she would never conceive thus had been having unprotected sex with her DH for 10 years. Then boom. The big shock is now 15 years old.

Same happened to me. Tried for years with ExDH, told I was infertile, tried Clomid, split up. First time I had sex after splitting I got pregnant.

Kept it. Lovely DS.

I know of two - one the baby was born just before the couples silver wedding and the other adopted a little boy after being declared infertile, they went on to conceive a little girl - her mum was 46 when she was born