Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Hey! I recently had HG from 6-21 weeks. Couldn’t move, eat, do anything for the nausea and vomiting. I lost over 2 stone.

I found that tiredness made it worse, and anxiety too. I’m so sorry you’re so unsupported by your partner. It’s hell.

There are some great groups out there like Pregnancy Sickness Support who can assign you a ‘buddy’ you can text with who gets it. They have a forum and a phone line too.

My partner wasn’t totally shit but definitely struggled to understand just how awful it was. My mum came to stay and take care of me in the end. That and a lot of ondansetron got me through although that only stopped the vomiting, not the nausea.

Sending you love and solidarity.

@intheloudhouse

Yes definitely, anxiety plays a big part I feel. I mean when I’m not pregnant and I feel anxious I often feel nauseous so imagine already suffering from nausea - anxiety is like another miserable layer on top!

In my first HG pregnancy I was so very ill and had massive anxiety because my firstborn was in and out of hospital as he had special needs and I’d found myself unexpectedly pregnant when he was a year old. I was sick as a dog and considering termination. I decided to take a trip to Scotland to visit my sister who was in uni at the time. During that visit my sickness subsided massively - I spent time walking along the beach and just trying to clear my head. It hadn’t even occurred to me that my anxiety was causing the HG to be so much worse! Once things seemed a bit more settled with my son I found the sickness easing significantly. And by 7 months it was gone completely. I should add that I wasn’t given any anti sickness meds. And I didn’t realise I’d had HG until years later - just thought I was unlucky!

I don't have experience of HG but I do have experience of anxiety. I had such bad anxiety after DS was born that it physically made me sick, several times a day. It took me ages to figure out that that's what it was but as soon as I found the right medication for anxiety and depression I stopped even feeling nauseous so yes, I think it could be playing a part.

@intheloudhouse I’m so sorry to read everything you’re going through.

I had HG (severe nausea) in my pregnancy until 21 weeks. However mine was caused by severe pre natal anxiety. I ended up paying privately for therapy (not horrifically expensive, more affordable than I thought it would be), and it was honestly life changing.

The sickness went, I’ve had a bad back for as long as I can remember - that went. I no longer get headaches. I cope now, even with a refluxy 7 week old and toddler DS.

There may be a self referral mental health helpline around your way; or the perinatal MH team may be able to help.

Good luck x

[quote Flappityflippers1]@intheloudhouse I’m so sorry to read everything you’re going through.

I had HG (severe nausea) in my pregnancy until 21 weeks. However mine was caused by severe pre natal anxiety. I ended up paying privately for therapy (not horrifically expensive, more affordable than I thought it would be), and it was honestly life changing.

The sickness went, I’ve had a bad back for as long as I can remember - that went. I no longer get headaches. I cope now, even with a refluxy 7 week old and toddler DS.

There may be a self referral mental health helpline around your way; or the perinatal MH team may be able to help.

Good luck x[/quote]
Really? So it was in fact anxiety that was causing it?
That's really interesting as my anxiety is through the roof. I'm an anxious person anyway and I stopped my medication when I got pregnant and my mental health plummeted. I wonder how much my anxiety is playing a part in this now. X

That's a really interesting take on it. I'm an anxious person by nature so I am wondering if or how much my anxiety is making it worse? x

@intheloudhouse Not HG but did have a similar thing to @Flappityflippers1 I was 18 and damaged my jaw due to anxiety and stress. My dentist put me on high dose sedatives and then just stopped them without weaning me off them properly.

I ended up sick for months on end - only stopped feeling nauseous when it was physically eating so literally gained 4 stone in six months, they kept scanning my kidneys and liver and sending me for blood tests. Do you know what cured it? My driving instructor. He suggested I use Kalms before my driving test. For the first time in months i didn't feel sick and dizzy. They ran bloods again and tested my cortisol and adrenaline and they were through the roof. they prescribed me low dose relaxants and then weaned me off them slowly. haven't had it since. it's deff worth looking into

it's amazing what anxiety can do to your body.

Why I'm I so scared. I feel absolutely petrified, the most scared I have been in my entire life. I can't live my life because I'm paralysed by this nausea and this fear.
I'm so petrified of another 20 weeks feeling this way, I'm scared of any other symptoms I might get with pregnancy (acid, preeclampsia etc) I'm
Scared STIFF about labour to the point I'm waking up at night thinking about it, I'm scared of having a newborn and maybe being a single mum.
I'm just so scared I can't function and the nausea is just not subsiding.
I'm really wondering if I made the wrong choice not turning up yesterday and if I should re book.

Please please please, there must be some services or some counsellor you can contact? Can you get a friend to advocate on your behalf

Hi Op, what anti sickness medication are you on ? It doesn't sound like you are on the correct combination, I was like you admitted to hospital for the first time at 6.5 weeks due to severe dehydration and at 20 weeks I had lost over 2.5 stone. Finally I got out on a ondansetron and cyclizine combination and it felt like heaven finally being able to eat again. I did suffer with heart burn also but gaviscon seemed to help with that and I would just keep it on my bed side table. Get on the phone with you doctors and see if there is stronger medication they can prescribe.

Anxiety can absolutely play a huge part and cause it - sending you the biggest hugs, things will be ok!

You need to access some therapy urgently I think, I’m unsure where you’re based, where I live we have “talking together” that we can self refer to, and pregnant women and new mums are seen as priority - maybe contact your GP (perhaps a different one to who you spoke to last time) and see what is available x

I have only read your posts but I cannot believe what I am reading about your partner’s behaviour towards you. He just sounds awful, sorry, and not supportive at all.
Apart from that, I will just offer a handhold and my hopes that the nausea will go away soon

At the risk of stating the obvious, it sounds as though your partner is inducing and increasing your anxiety. Have you had any further thought of staying at your dad's to give you a bit of a breather and some head space? You should be looked after at a time like this, not belittled and abused.

I’ve just read your posts and think the fact you didn’t go through with it tells you that you really do want this baby. I’m crossing all fingers and toes that you feel better soon.

This awful situation has also shone a light on your relationship and on your P. He’s a dick. I don’t think you need to do anything about it now unless you need to, but going forward you are going to have to decide what to do with a P you cannot rely on.

He's playing paintball this weekend so after DS finishes school tomorrow I am going to my Dad's. I just cannot stand this constant and unrelenting nausea, I just want my life and my old self back. This pregnancy has taken everything that makes me who I am out of me and DP just thinks I'm being dramatic and using the 'threat' of abortion to get at him.
It's my 20 week scan Monday and I'm almost hoping something is wrong making it incompatible with life so I don't have to continue the pregnancy but I don't have to be the one to choose the termination. How awful is that.

why not ask your Gp about anti anxiety meds you can take in pregnancy? Many are considered safe

Raising two children will be a doddle compared to this. Honestly. After the nightmare pregnancy, having a newborn was like the arrival of the dawn after a long night.

And whether that's as a single parent or not, well tbh being a single parent is probably easier than staying with your partner given he seems to do nothing and be unsupportive.

What you are enduring right now is harder. But you are managing. Your first post was 9 days ago. That's 9 days that you've managed since, and with every passing day the likelihood that the nausea will decrease grows.

In the meantime, there are things you can do to help - going to your dad's, asking for a review of medication, starting anti anxiety medications etc can all help in the meantime.

Have you talked to the doctor's about when is the earliest they will induce you? And be totally honest with them - you need to ask the question 'if this gets so bad that I'm suicidal and just can't continue will you induce/do a planned section?' I mean, you are so close to viability now, and there might be more options between terminate and wait until full term. I mean, by 28w your baby has a 95% chance of survival, and I'd hope that if you were suicidal and out of option, inducing you then could be an option. And yes it's not great for the baby, but it's a lot better for her than a termination.

They need to be talking to you about how they are going to manage your mental health in the period between not being allowed abortion ok demand, and you being able to have the baby safely, to reassure you that you aren't going to be abandoned. Does the hospital know just how wretched and desperate you are?

Could you write this down and send/get it delivered to the hospital.It seems like you had good care there.

I read some of your other threads about the impossible dog & useless DH.

do go to your dad. Take DS and move to a place you are safe & comfortable & stay there.

If the HG is anxiety related, you may get relief from that too.

OP, I see you mention worries about acid in pregnancy. I assume you mean acid reflux? There's a huge link between acid reflux and nausea/sickness in pregnancy. Please try taking ranitidine for the acid reflux. It's safe. You can get it on prescription or just buy it off the shelf in the supermarket. Tesco's own brand ranitidine is cheap. It's sometimes sold under the brand name Zantac. It made a really significant difference for me.

I also echo what pp are saying about anxiety making it a lot worse, and agree that going to your dad's is a good idea. Try not to think ahead too much. Focus on just getting through each day. At the end of the day, congratulate yourself on surviving another day.

Remember that this will end. It will. I think you said you're due in October? So by Christmas this will all be well behind you, and you'll have your lovely new baby to focus on.

I really feel for you, OP. In my pregnancies I felt sick continuously from beginning to end. But you can do it and when your baby is here, it'll all be worth it.

I want to recommend an app called the tapping solution. It's really helped my anxiety and they have a section for pregnancy nausea and anxiety. It's free to download and might help you see things a bit more clearly.

This is what the app looks like if you want to download it.

I was sick every day until around 24 weeks and then it vanished. It seems like you have a lot going on plus an unsupportive dh, and it does seem like anxiety could be making things 100x worse. I’m very supportive of right to choose but I don’t think it’s outrageous say there’s a high chance of abortion regret at this stage. Are you really trying not to be sick? I’m wondering if that could make all day nausea worse? I was pretty emetephobic pre pregnancy and would do anything to try and not be sick. Gross content alert. What I found when pregnant was it was best to down a load of water before getting up so I would actually be sick 1st thing then eat and sip little and often through the nausea. Can you force yourself to eat anything? An empty stomach made it so much worse for me. I would also consider asking for an early as possible induction.

I'm pleased to see you have a plan of action. Hopefully you'll start to feel better very soon now. Keep letting us know how you are, won't you? You have a lot of support here and although I have no personal experience there are many who do and they are giving great advice.

I suffered from really severe anxiety a few years ago and one of my symptoms was horrific nausea! I was nauseous every second I was awake and it was horrendous. What anxiety meds were you on before pregnancy? Could you speak to your drs if there is anything that is safe to take during pregnancy for anxiety? I also found Silver Cloud which is an anxiety app that you can get a referral for from your GPs really helpful as well for processing my anxiety.
Sending you all the well wishes!