Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

@StarsandStones

Yes to Ondansetron. What tablets do you have? Are you also dehydrated?

That's the stuff!! I couldn't remember it.

This makes me so sad. I can’t believe you are at this stage of desperation and you are being failed so badly. I have no advice as I haven’t suffered HG but I wish you well and hope you get help very soon. Every day is a victory OP x

Thank you everyone for your lovely replies.
I've got Cyclizine, Stemetil and Ondansetron. There was mention of me trying steroids while I was in hospital.

Does HG always mean vomiting though? I'm severely phobic about vomiting.

I think my parents and partner have tried to be supportive but they need to get on with their own lives. It was a tried for and wanted baby but I just can't imagine living like this and the detrimental affects it will have on me and everyone around me if it continues for another 21 weeks.

I'm just in turmoil. The surgery for a termination is booked for next Wednesday and I just don't know what to do. I just want this torture to end now. x

Remember this is temporary. Regret from an abortion of a much wanted baby might be permanent. You are halfway through this pregnancy. All that effort wasted if you ended it hastily now and regretted it.

Sorry you're going through this but remember it will pass.

OP, it doesn't matter about the technical definition of HG at this stage. As pp have said, what matters here is that you're so desperate, which reflects just how dreadful you are feeling.

I agree that you need to speak to someone at Pregnancy Sickness Support for some support and advice on this.

I'm not sure what your circumstances are with work etc, but I think sleeping as much as possible is the best thing to do. Not only does tiredness worsen the nausea, but at least when you're asleep you don't feel sick. But I appreciate that your circumstances may not make this easy.

At least you have Ondansetron. I know a few women on the HG support thread I linked to were treated with steroids, and that did seem to help.

Gosh OP what a sad situation, I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I can't help but think you'll live to regret a termination which may go on to effect your MH in the future. Obviously it's your choice and you have to do what is best for you.

Does your family know youve booked a termination? I may of read it wrong but it doesnt sound like they grasp how desperate and unwell/unhappy you are feeling? I think you need to go back to the GP and really try to get through to them about how desperately unhappy you are. It's unusual to feel this bad for the full 40 weeks, could you just try taking it one week or one day at a time?

Do you think your nausea is stopping you from eating and then in turn the hunger is also making you feel sick? I suffered badly with MS with my 2nd pregnancy (not as badly as you) but although it never went completely it did get better after 20 weeks and I had many good days. I had to eat my way through the sickness, I dunno - maybe rubbish advice but worth thinking about whether hunger is making it worse, it's so difficult to tell when pregnancy makes you feel like crap,

[quote Dancingbea]Please please call Pregnancy Sickness Support who will talk to you about all your options - they are amazing. They have text help too on WhatsApp
www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/contact/[/quote]
Agree!

@flashbac

Remember this is temporary. Regret from an abortion of a much wanted baby might be permanent. You are halfway through this pregnancy. All that effort wasted if you ended it hastily now and regretted it.

Sorry you're going through this but remember it will pass.

I agree with this. You must feel really desperate and my heart really does go out to you.

They should try you on absolutely everything and not just give up on you. That's really shit of them and actual negligence.

Bless you, I know what it's like having a fear of vomiting but you've done so well. Big hugs for you x

Your sickness will never be as bad as the guilt of aborting a much wanted baby.

Trust me I know.

OP i agree with the other Mumsnet posters - you don’t seem to have the support that you should be getting.
Also it’s not just your baby it is your partners as well. Im sure they want to help. Would your partner advocate for you? You say they want to get in with their lives but I wonder if that is how you feel about it rather than the Reality of the situation.
As you mentioned this baby is planned and wanted - so let them help you. They can pause their life for a little while be give you the support you need. Wishing you strength.

What does your family say or do that you feel like a burden to them?

Do they know about the appointment? How did they react?

I've been through 3 pregnancies with really bad nausea. The last pregnancy was truly horrible, it had a massive effect on my mental health. I had 2 under 3 at that stage. We watched a lot of TV for months. I put a table beside the couch so they could draw or build right beside me. We ate things I could shove in the oven or open from a pack. Got shopping delivered. As much as I wanted it to be over, I know I'd regret a termination in these circumstances. That's very personal though so can't say how you'd feel or what's right for you. But I would be worried in the longer term you might regret this.

Can you ask to be referred to an obstetrician to review your treatment and to discuss getting support for your mental health? I have no idea how the system works in the UK. It's a more unusual treatment, antihistamine which is used to treat nausea in pregnancy doxylamine succinate? Also used in combination with B6. There are pregnancy safe anti depressants too. Not sure about guidelines for termination where you are, could you possibly wait a week, make sure you're going to be ok with this decision. It's not just about what's best for your family, but also what you need now and in the long run making a decision you can be ok with.

My partner has actually said I'm being pathetic, he dreads coming home and that he has to go to work. He keeps telling me how my son is no longer seeing me as him mum. My parents are good but they keep saying they need to get on with their own lives and reminding me of their age.
I just do not know what to do for the best.
My partner, parents, GP etc all know I have booked an abortion but I think the overall consensus is that there's nothing anyone can do and I'm not helping myself..

@Rubyrecka

Morning sickness at 18 weeks? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/4234878-morning-sickness-at-18-weeks

Is this the same post?

Maybe you should speak to your doctor and or call your midwife and tell them what your going through. They may be able to help.

Yes, it IS possible to continue with sickness all the way through It's called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I had it and nearly died. I vomited 30+ times per day (no, not lying....) couldn't even sip water by the time I reached my booking in appointment and was in hospital on constant drips from 3 months until 8 months.

@intheloudhouse

My partner has actually said I'm being pathetic, he dreads coming home and that he has to go to work. He keeps telling me how my son is no longer seeing me as him mum. My parents are good but they keep saying they need to get on with their own lives and reminding me of their age. I just do not know what to do for the best. My partner, parents, GP etc all know I have booked an abortion but I think the overall consensus is that there's nothing anyone can do and I'm not helping myself..

To be honest, it doesn't sound as if any of them are being very supportive! Your partner especially, you are in no way pathetic! It is his baby too and he should be helping you get through this in any way you can.

I'm 37 weeks now OP and I felt exactly like this, I had constant nausea/vomiting from about 5/6 weeks. I tried everything to help, ginger, peppermint, anti-sickness tablets, absolutely nothing helped. I can understand the desperation, I was miserable, crying every day and on top of that felt so guilty that I didn't think I could do it anymore after wanting this baby for so long. I was in such a bad place. Honestly, my partner was my rock for getting through it, it really does sound like you need more real life support, do you have any friends, other family you can talk to?

Mine eased off so much just after I turned 20 weeks, while you're going through it it feels like it's never going to end and it's the not knowing if it will that makes it unbearable, however, for a lot of people it does start to ease off after the 20 weeks mark or not long after. I know that probably doesn't sound helpful but this part may pass sooner than you think. The third trimester for me has been the best by miles and I'm so glad now in hindsight that I managed to get through the bad thoughts etc at that point as now I'm (for the most part) passed it, I'm remembering how much I wanted this baby and how long we tried and I'm at the point now I'm just so looking forward to seeing him that it's actually feeling worth it.

Please don't give up on this as it sounds like it's a much wanted baby. It's hard to imagine now but it really isn't going to last forever and that's you most likely through the worst of it now, it should hopefully settle down in a week or two - but even if it doesn't, your halfway, you've done it, the second half really does go quicker as you're getting things ready etc.

As an above poster said, this will end, the regret of giving up a much wanted baby May stay with you for life. It is of course your choice and as I say I know the desperation so definitely no judgement from me whatever you decide, but please please make sure it's what you want to do if you do go through with it. Also how you would feel if you decide after this you do want another baby and the needing to start from the start again.

I'm keeping everything crossed for you that things work out whatever you decide, it's a miserable time, but it gets better and you'll get there in the end ❤️

I'm really saddened to hear that your partner is being so unsupportive OP. You need to have someone to talk to who understands how you feel and wants to help.

I've had hyperemesis and the steroids have honestly helped me along with all the other anti emetics. They given me weeks of reprieve. I'm not saying it is totally gone but it does help.

@intheloudhouse

My partner has actually said I'm being pathetic, he dreads coming home and that he has to go to work. He keeps telling me how my son is no longer seeing me as him mum. My parents are good but they keep saying they need to get on with their own lives and reminding me of their age. I just do not know what to do for the best. My partner, parents, GP etc all know I have booked an abortion but I think the overall consensus is that there's nothing anyone can do and I'm not helping myself..

That's really nasty of him. You have no support and how dare he say such a thoughtless hurtful comment when he doesn't know what you are going through.

If I knew you, I'd be round ASAP to help you rest .

I really struggled with nausea based HG in my last pregnancy. The ondensatron stopped me vomiting, but what helped more with the nausea was metaclopramide (you can take both, I was also on cyclizine until 20 weeks). It does come with a rare side effect warning, but for me metaclopramide made the biggest difference.

Unrelenting nausea is truly awful, and it sounds like you really don't have the right support. I hope whatever you decide works out for you.

So sorry OP. I had HG in my pregnancy from 5/6 weeks. All doctors I spoke to took me seriously, had me in to check blood pressure and test urine for ketones to see if hospital admission required (it wasn't luckily). I was given a stemitil injection and tablets to take away. If tablets aren't working phone GP, keep hounding them there's plenty tablets you can try. I was sick 6-20 times a day and it was awful. I sometimes wished to not be pregnant cause it was so horrendous, then I sadly had a missed miscarriage so I felt absolutely awful and felt like it was my fault for being ungrateful. One of the worst parts was knowing I wanted a baby so I'd have to do it all again from the start.

I know it's so hard, pregnancy nausea/HG is truly awful. But if it's a wanted baby, will you regret it and will you want another in the future, imagine having to do the first 20 weeks over again. You're nearly there! My friend had awful HG in both pregnancies, hers eased off at 24 weeks. Your break might be just round the corner.

So sorry about partner and family that's awful!!! What an ungrateful twat your dp is!!

Hugs 💐

Tell your partner to Google hyperemesis, he probably hasn't got a clue its a thing? Ask him to read some of the experiences of others on here. How dare he say you're pathetic, its the toughest thing to go through. It's feeling sick on another level.

You mentioned your son, did you feel like this when pregnant with him?

Please try and access more help, it sounds like steroids may be an option, even if something helps a little it may make all the difference to how you cope.

Hi OP.

I was terribly sick every single day from roughly 7 days post conception up to & including the day DD was born.

Although the sickness didn't stop it did get more predictable & therefore manageable as time went on.

I'm not here to make your decision for you. Just to offer a ray of hope that the worst may be behind you.

Fellow HG sufferer here, with 3 out of my 4 kids. Last pregnancy in 2019 nearly killed me. By 9 weeks I was considering termination and suicide. My partner had no clue and was fairly useless (my other HG pregnancies were with my ex-husband). He kept comparing me to his ex and saying she was never sick with her pregnancies blah blah. So I moved out temporarily (took my kids) and went to live with my mum for 6 weeks and she essentially became my carer. All I did during that time was sleep and be sick. I was also on a zillion meds including the ondansetron. I literally forced myself to hang on to the pregnancy and bond with the baby (found out the gender, gave her a name) because I knew deep in my heart that if I terminated I would regret it forever. It was honestly one of the hardest and most horrendous times in my life. By 16 weeks things started to ease, miraculously. And by 20+ week I was almost 100% better. With my previous HG pregnancies the nausea stayed until around 6/7 months but eased significantly and I was fine to work and do normal things.
I seriously think you need much more support than you’ve been given. I know the desperation but I also know the regret of termination and I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone. Such an awful position to be in. I really hope you can access some resources or speak to someone who can properly help you. No judgement here at all no matter what you decide. I terminated at 5 weeks along last November because I’d just had enough of HG pregnancies and I thought there’s no way in hell I can do it again.

I'm am so sorry for you OP.
Chronic nausea is so tough.
I am on my second pregnancy in 18 months, and both have been nausea filled. My DS (14 months) pregnancy was nausea throughout, and when he got bigger, his body and a high placenta squashed my stomach (ironically this made the nausea easier, as my stomach stopped feeling hungry pangs). I lose 4kg in weight throughout the pregnancy, but was rarely actually physically sick. This pregnancy I have a lower level of nausea in that I don't get sofa bound, but I am suffering with headaches and extreme fatigue on top. I'm 15 weeks and telling myself, just get to 20 weeks, it got better then last time. It's hard though when you already have a child that needs mummy to be well.
This may not be relevant to your situation, but I second the lady who said is hunger making this worse. I discovered last time I could equally not have a full meal as get completely empty. I survived on oat bars and tangerines on bad days (and gaviscon) and even nibbled them in the night. I also woke to drink water.
I hope you get better soon. Being sick all the time give this sense of hopelessness which few people can understand.

I vomited at least once a day until my child was born. Honestly the days it was once were the good days. In and out of the hospital. Pregnancy was extremely difficult.

At the end though I got a child that I love more than anything else in the world. My only child. I’m not crazy enough to risk doing that ever again.

You are almost half way done. It might get better. It might not. But you have made it this far.

Also, it helps a lot of you just accept that laying on the couch is a perfectly decent accomplishment for the day. I’m not actually joking. It means you got out of bed and your not on the bathroom floor. If your family complains, throw a pillow at them. Then tell them to bring you whatever happens to sound edible, no matter how crazy seems because that is indeed the thing most likely to calm your stomach.