Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

This must be so tough for you.

On a completely practical level, are you finances strong enough to pay for a dog walker (or ideally doggy day care)? And are any of your son’s classmates parents able to take him to school on days when you just cannot do the school run and his father is refusing to?

I know you said on the other thread that you are financially dependent on your boyfriend, but have you actually looked into what you would receive as a single parent with a child (and then with two children) under 5? Have you contacted the council to see whether they would be able to house you? Do you have any savings at all?

I had AWFUL nausea and sickness with my first. Things didn't fully get better until after 20 weeks. It completely knocked me sideways and I was weak for a long time. Your little baby isn't responsible for this and is probably doing very well. Worst case scenario is that you deal with sickness for another 18-20 weeks until baby is born (but it's more likely it will have improved or disappeared before then). An abortion would perhaps stop the sickness much sooner but the repercussions and the possible regret and mental and emotional impact that would have would last much much longer than 20 weeks or so, perhaps even the rest of your life.

It seems like forever but your sickness WILL end at the very latest when your baby is born and it'll maybe take you a week or so to forget what the sickness actually even felt like.

The sickness although horrendous IS temporary but an abortion of your baby girl is forever.

You poor thing, your situation sounds horrendous. Shame on your partner and shame on your parents. In a first world country you shouldn't be suffering like this.

I wish you the very best whatever you decide.

I've registered just to post this as I feel so upset on your behalf, OP. You've been failed by your partner and your family and I'm willing to bet that your GP/midwife haven't fully grasped the extent of your desperation. It sounds to me like you don't want to terminate this pregnancy but feel you have no choice.

You need to get back on the phone to the GP/midwife, or get readmitted to obstetrics, and create merry hell till something is done. What antiemetics have you tried - just ondansetron? There are several other options including steroids (if other measures fail). I think if you're at the point of feeling forced into a termination then you really have to explore all the options before that. Google the Green Top Guidelines on HG from the Royal College of Obstetricians if you want to pre-arm yourself with some knowledge before speaking to doctors.

Don't let your partners treatment of you influence your decision. You sound utterly ground down and exhausted. You're at a very low ebb and what may feel rational and sensible to you now may not look that way in hindsight if and when you feel stronger. Be wary of making huge decisions (like terminating a wanted pregnancy) when you're in this state.

Ignore your partner, he's an arse. I had debilitating nausea during both my pregnancies and it's hellish. On both occasions I felt better after 22 weeks ish. With my daughter the nausea continued (albeit in a milder, manageable form) right up until the second she emerged and then it just vanished. I can still remember the relief. If you want to continue the pregnancy, please do everything you can to try to make that a liveable option for you. There's absolutely no judgement from me if you truly want to terminate the pregnancy. But it just sounds like you'd be making a different choice if only you had better real life support.

How are you? Thinking about you

Yes I've been thinking about you too OP. Have you made a decision about tomorrow? It's so awful how unsupportive your partner is being. I agree with other posters that I think this would cause me to completely re-evaluate the relationship. I doubt you have the headspace for that at the moment though. I hope you have a few friends to lean on at least.

Thinking of you sweetheart, we're here if you need us.

x

It is so hard, being sick and feeling nauseous everyday, along with having a young child. Get all the support you can. Your mental health matters so much. It’s easy to say, but this will pass and you’ll love your new baby beyond words.

Alternate view on your husband, is he grieving. Is he actually heartbroken you want to do this, hence his anger recently and his comments on dog and marriage. Not excusing his behaviour in the slightest, I don’t think he has been good or fair to you but is this tearing him up too?

It’s Wednesday. Everyone is rooting for you OP, how are you? Have you been able to get any further help?

Another one thinking of you OP. Whatever happens today I really hope you feel better soon and strong enough to do whatever you need to do.

She said on her other thread (the one about getting rid of the digy) that she would obviously have a baby in 5 months time so I think she made up her mind to not go ahead. Let's hope she ditched the wanker though!

If her partner cared enough to be grieving, he’d already have stepped up rather then be a whinging man child.

OP, i hope you are ok. But you need to be clear that your relationship with him is already over. There’s really no coming back from how he’s behaved.

Do not go back to this doctor and contact midwifery lead to be changed.. you need more support.. you need another opinion. You shouldn’t feel like a termination is the only option you have. I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Lastly try not to feel guilty about how everyone else feels it’s time to put you first. Do not be afraid to put your foot down and express how you feel xxx

@intheloudhouse you have been on my mind, I hope you are as ok as you can be

Hello everyone. Thank you for your messages. I didn't go ahead with it and to be honest I'm still not sure if it was the right choice or not to not have it. DP didn't even discuss it with me and mid afternoon said "are we going to Doncaster then?" knowing full well we had to be there at the crack of dawn if we were going. Today's he's saying I had 2 choices and now I've made me choice so I need to stop moaning about feeling sick. I woke up at 3am and just laid in bed feeling sick and terrified. Scared of feeling this way for another 20 weeks, absolutely terrified of labour, scared to being another child into this... I just want to escape from my own body.

I've not read this before, it just popped up in active, but didn't want to scroll by. Sounds an awful awful situation to be in. Lots of and I'm thinking of you

Please go to your Dads

💐 If I were you, is scoop up your child, and go and stay at your dad's. Let him look after you for a little bit. If your child watches too much TV for a bit, then that's ok, but you need to get away from your toxic partner who is making the FS harder for you. Your father is in his 70's but sounds willing and able to help, and I expect it would be a privilege of him to help.

What in the hell is wrong with your partner?(I hesitate to even call him that!) Does he not realise that HG is an actual medical disorder, a proper legitimate pregnancy illness? Would he be saying the same thing if you had pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes? Or if you were going through chemo and overwhelmed with nausea, vomiting and exhaustion? I mean they prescribe ondansetron for chemo patients too! What you’re going through is not a joke or some melodrama that you are putting on. This guy truly is a very poor excuse for a human and I pray you can kick him to the curb and have a happy future with your 2 little ones. Side note: anxiety can make the nausea much worse and you’ve had zero support from him or an environment in which you can relax and try to push through this. Really sorry you are going through this!

Yes its basic common sense that if you feel anxious, everything else including sickness is going to be worse .

Do you think my high levels of anxiety could be making it worse for me? x