Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

I was like that in my first pregnancy. I was 3 stone lighter full term than I was pre pregnancy. It mostly went away at week 20-22 and came back about week 37 but that break was worth it and it wasn't as bad later in the pregnancy.

I had the same issues in my second pregnancy but at 12 weeks the baby died but my body didn't reject it. I was still sick and even after surgery to remove it, I was still sick for a few weeks as it was hormones that made me sick rather than the actual baby, if that makes sense. So I imagine even of you went through with it it may continue for awhile after. Everyone is different though.

Interestingly though, I then had twins, and had very little morning sickness and then another pregnancy which other than a change and taste and slight nausea I was fine.

Acupuncture helped, you can find acupressure points to see if that helps. Sour sweets, I found ones designed for morning sickness, I hate sweets but it helped the worst of it.

I'm not doing great today. Feeling really sick yet again, tablets are making me constipated, I have a sinus infection and lots of tears.
DP basically just said he's had enough he's got no patience for me and he doesn't know how much long we have left anyway. Said bringing a baby into this would be the worst thing we could do. Says I'm negative and don't help myself and how so many people would kill to be in my position.

Gosh OP what a nightmare you must be living right now!! Sending so much love and positive thoughts your way xx

I was really really sick a few pregnancies ago. Not as sick as you but still vomiting 3+ times/day. Sadly baby passed at 12 weeks and I vomited right up until the day of the d&c. I can’t explain the relief that came after. Just feeling like my body was my own again.

Like you I had no issues with my first pregnancy.

Maybe have a chat to a doctor/midwife about being induced early? Or try to book an elective c-section so you know exactly how long you have left of this nightmare?

Your DP sounds like an a**hole.

Good luck!!!

Your partner really is not helping things here which is disappointing.
I was wondering you say you lay on the sofa all day and aren't going out much. Could you force yourself to go out on Monday when your son is at school and go shopping/visit a friend or do something? I feel like if you're busy your mind may be taken off the feeling? I am pregnant and was feeling rough but the one day I felt much better was when I went to my folks for a BBQ and chatted to my brother and went on a walk in a new area.

Please, go back to the hospital. Let them take care of you and discuss with them the options that you have, not with a clueless GP. You can ask about the option of an induction.

How was your relationship before this pregnancy? It feels as if you do everything normally and your partner is used to simply bring in the money... is that a correct assessment?

I beg you,get support.Back to A and E if needed in fact that might be your safest option.Forget the partner.
Do you have friends....even casual ones who could help.

Yes,somebody agrees with me.Pack a bag,get in a taxi and go.

OP I know you've got another child to consider. I, too, think you should probably be being looked after in hospital but you can't abandon your other child to your horrible husband, I'm guessing that's the problem, and your family won't step up either? But you can't go on like this feeling so ill and being treated so appalingly by him. Something's got to give here. Very concerned for you. Is there any way of you getting care for your other child so that you can go to A&E?

Oh my goodness, I wish I could help you more than just writing on a post!

I know it's not simple but I'm sure family services could offer some help. Call your health visitor for advice? There must be a way you can make sure both you and your children are kept safe and well.

How are you doing @intheloudhouse?
If you're feeling well enough to respond obviously. I've been thinking about you.

Your partner sounds horrible,so unsupportive!

Yesterday wasn't a good day. We have a puppy who chews out clothes and all I said to DP was he's causing me so much stress I wish we could get rid of him. He fully kicked off saying he would rather get rid of me than the puppy, I always want stuff then don't want it like the puppy and now the baby, he said he doesn't see us lasting much longer either way, he's sick of me, he likes the dog better than he does me, he's had enough he should have never agreed to another baby it was the worst mistake he ever made and that he can't wait for Wednesday so I can have the abortion and this can all be over.
It's such a mess. I honest feel like I'm having a breakdown or the closest thing to it. I was actually feeling a little less sick over Saturday night Sunday morning so him kicking off was the last thing I needed.

Oh god - he's so incapable of empathising with you and how ill you are. I know it's really difficult when you're feeling so very debilitated - but can you get to A&E? Or even go and stay with someone else?
I personally am furious with your mother for not stepping up. I can't understand it. Does she really not get what you're going through?

In your greatest time of need he is not there for you.
Regardless what you decide to do, I think you should end this relationship.

Poor you - I feel for you so much!
I have had two pregnancies HG with both.
Obviously I would never tell my second child this but like you the thought of going through the whole pregnancy with HG again I was tempted to end pregnancy. I had an older child who I felt I was failing (6) trying to work - it was a very wanted pregnancy but once I realised I had HG again the thought of going through it again filled me with dread.
I basically broke down to my husband & with support of my GP we went through the pregnancy. Husband stepped back from work and fully supported me & work allowed me to mix WFH & working from a local office.
The minute that my baby was born all symptoms disappeared! I could smell toast without wanting to throw up!! Drink coffee!!

oh OP was hoping to come on for a positive update. your partner sounds awful - honestly think you're better shot of him and you'd be better off without him. What a vile, awful human being.

For the record I would kill to be pregnant now but i have every sympathy with you and i wouldn't want to be pregnant in those circumstances.

Whatever you decide to do with the pregnancy lose the DP. Life will be better without him. Whatever your choice no one will blame you or judge you for it. Sending lots of hugs your way

Your partner sounds horrific. It would be sensible to rehome the dog under the circumstances.

Keep the baby and ditch the awful man.

I'm glad you had some time feeling a little less sick, that may be a sign that you're not far away from turning that corner. And if you are able to get help, new medication, hospital admission, then you may well find the rest of pregnancy a lot better.

I know you feel terrible (as I said, I've been there, I do get that) but your baby is so close to being viable (21w is the record).

If you do go ahead with it, could they just induce you instead, as an act of kindness for her? No doctor wants to do a termination at this late stage, so don't be afraid to let them know how desperate you are for some actual help and support, so that you don't feel you need to go down that route.

It does seem like OP has changed her mind regarding abortion as on her rehoming puppy thread she says "then obviously I'll have a baby too in 5 months."

That's great you've come to a decision op. Have you had any thoughts about what you will do wrt your partner?

I hope you are alright OP. I would hide the other thread if I were you, those threads always go the same way.

I really, really feel for you. I've been there, done that. My mental health was so poor because of the sickness that I did end a pregnancy. I instantly regretted it, and we tried again a few month later. I fell pregnant very quickly and was severely ill from about 5 weeks. I contemplated whether I could continue. What made me carry on was my poor husband breaking down and telling me that he didn't know if he was allowed to be excited at becoming a dad because he didn't know if I could keep going.
I had an awful pregnancy, I was throwing up some 30 times a day, ended up in hospital 5 times either because of the sickness but also because I bled and bled
I tried every medication, but they only thing that gave even a moments respite was my lovely GP offering me acupuncture. I was hugely skeptical but I walked home that day feeling like a bit of the cloud over me had gone.
I was so ill from 5 weeks till about 26 weeks. It eased, but never left. Thankfully my husband was amazing and my GP insisted I was signed off work and rested. I started being violently ill again from about 36 weeks and my daughter was born at 41 weeks. Never, ever again will I go through that, my mental health has never fully recovered. Good luck OP.

You need to leave this man!

What an awful man he is.

Present sickness aside, you would probably feel much better about life if you weren't with him.

I wouldn't listen to him.

Take all the advice and treatment you're offered for your mental health. This seems like a hellish window of time that will end, but I'm not sure you would be in a better place dealing with the ramifications of a termination as the mental anguish of that in your circumstances would not necessarily be so time limited.

Your problem is your horrible partner, rather than the nausea, which would be easier with support.
I had nausea all through both pregnancies. The vomiting eased off after about 16-18 weeks, the nausea was there all through but easier in the last trimester.
The only thing that helped was eating high calorie, easy to assimilate foods at the slightest hint of nausea. It sounds counter productive but milkshakes, ice cream etc, all helped. I was tubby but less green !
Are you the same poster on the Doghouse threads who wants to give up her puppy ?
Talk to your Mum and Dad more. Can you ask a friend to come over and just feed you things like Buttery toast etc ? I would get too nauseous to make myself food but if it was given to me and I could get it down then I felt a bit better.
Do not let your partner persuade you into an abortion because he wants you to split.

@namechangingforthis19586

What an awful man he is.

Present sickness aside, you would probably feel much better about life if you weren't with him.

I wouldn't listen to him.

Take all the advice and treatment you're offered for your mental health. This seems like a hellish window of time that will end, but I'm not sure you would be in a better place dealing with the ramifications of a termination as the mental anguish of that in your circumstances would not necessarily be so time limited.

And I agree with this. I think you are exhausted and miserable and want the nausea to stop, but an abortion at this late stage would be incredibly traumatic .