Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Sounds like your body is completely overwhelmed by stress, understandably, and each stress is feeding into the others. I posted on your other thread and I'm glad you didn't go through with it. In your shoes I would focus on eliminating as much stress as you can. Really good idea to go to your Dad's. Hopefully in a calmer environment, your body can start to recover a little.

Do you find anything helpful to switch off? Meditation, breathing exercises etc? Not sure how much you know about the nervous system but it has two modes - sympathetic and parasympathetic. You want to get the parasympathetic mode switched on as that's the rest and repair mode (other is fight or flight). That will hell to settle everything down and hopefully get off the treadmill that's spiralling out of control right now.

*help not hell. You don't need anymore hell right now.

I really hope you can find some support given you are not getting it at home. It is completely up to you what you to choose to do, but if this is a wanted baby then I am afraid I don’t think you will ever be able to go back to being the person you were before the pregnancy if you end it at this stage, whereas although it might feel like forever, as others have said, if you continue the pregnancy the way you are feeling and the sickness will be temporary rather than something that is life long. Wishing you all the best.

Hi everyone. I've been at my dads since Friday, he is being really supportive. Partner is still being a prick, hasn't even asked when I'm going home. He's still saying I've ruined the excitement of the baby for him, as is my mum who says she won't buy anything for the baby and won't help me with childcare if I want to go back to work as I've taken the sparkle away from it for her. No wonder I struggled so much when I look back and look at the absolute lack of support I got.
I had my 20 week scan yesterday and put the photo on Facebook - mum said that was "very two faced of me as I wanted to kill it last week"
The thing is I never didn't want the baby - I just didn't/don't want the pregnancy and the sickness that came with it as it put me in such a bad place. I wanted and still do want to kill my self when it's bad never mind the baby.

Your Mum sounds a real peach and you wonder why you ended up with a prick of a partner!!!

Glad your Dad is taking good care of you

Thank god for your Dad. Your partner and mum sound utterly selfish! You took away the “sparkle” from her? Seriously?? And such a nasty comment about “wanting to kill it”. No wonder you’ve had such an awful time. Glad you got to see baby, are you feeling any better at all with the sickness? Hoping that the change of environment will help you

Good to know you're safe intheloudhouse.
Your mother sounds almost more of a nightmare than your partner - I think you should steer clear of both of them for as long as you need to.
Thank goodness for your dad. Three cheers for intheloudhouse's dad.
Hope you're not feeling as sick all the time.

so glad you are safe at your dads. stay there & don't be tempted to go anywhere else.

Thanks for keeping us updated OP. I'm so sorry that your mother and partner are both so unsupportive and unsympathetic. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

You are doing amazingly, just getting through each day and trying to focus on the end result - your lovely baby. You are much stronger and more resilient than your mother or partner will ever realise. I'm so glad you have your dad at least.

Well done you for keeping strong in the face of such selfishness from members of your close family.

I do hope you're feeling a bit better, kudos to your dad for providing you with some refuge x

Euch your mother sounds vile. Glad your dad is supporting you. I don't often say this sort of thing but cut your mother out and minimise contact with your partner in future. Take time to be kind to yourself and remember it's not your fault.

Please also see a gp about the suicidal thoughts I beg you

Glad your Dad is stepping up and being supportive that must be a big help.

What an unforgivable thing for your mother to say
So sorry you are being treated this way by her and your so called partner : truly toxic people. This is a time when you be being really looked after and loved not denigrated and neglected

How is the sickness now?

Op stay with your dad as long as you can, you are where you need to be with love and support.

I had a few good days at dad's and now I'm back to feeling really bad again. I've managed a sliced of toast and less than 250ml of water in 24 hours. I don't know whether to ring my surgery or not to be assessed as to whether I need to go back to hospital or not.

When will this end. I'm 21 weeks tomorrow. Did anyone else have it this late but it eventually eased?

DP sat with me when my mental health nurse came the other day and I think she opened his eyes.. he's been much nicer since.

yes, do ring your surgery. you need more food & water than that.

If you’re feeling bad again don’t hesitate to go back to hospital for fluids and care - that’s what they are there for.

With 2 of my girls I was sick until around 28-30 weeks but it wasn’t as severe at that point. I was still being sick but it was manageable enough that I was able to work. With those pregnancies it was definitely a gradual tapering off that would flare up again if I was stressed or anxious.

Well done on getting to 21 weeks, I know it’s so hard but you’ve been doing it one day at a time. You are strong and amazing (even if you might not feel like it sometimes)

I think you need to be back in hospital if that’s all the food and fluid you can manage.

Hope you’re ok this evening

I haven't read all the replies op but I've read all yours. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a horrific pregnancy but was lucky enough to have plenty of support. It is miserable, the only people being pathetic are your partner and mum. How horrid they are, I don't know if I could stay with someone so uncaring.

Mine was a mix of nausea and vomiting, including every single time I walked in the front door (must have been done kind of trigger!). At one point I had a bit of a spiral as I was too nauseous to take pills then too nauseous to eat and that only made it worse! I got an injection which meant I could just about get something on my stomach and it kept it almost bearable. Really try as hard as you can to have a little and often. I found sweets helpful too. On the rare days I pulled myself into work I had a pocket full of skittles and just sucked one at a time constantly. Apologies if you've tried all this, I was ready to throttle the next person who suggested ginger biscuits.

Mine lasted almost to the end but did ease off slightly in the last trimester. Many others I heard stopped sooner. I hope that will be the case for you. Keep going, you can do it and use whatever support you can find. And keep looking ahead to the wonderful baby that will be the prize at the end. Hugs!

I wish I could look after you.. this is so sad. Your partner and mom are so so so horrible and you don’t deserve them in your life.. I hope you feel better soon

I had this all the way throughout. I had hubby and family supporting me. I had it till the last day but at times it did get easier between 25 and 34 weeks. I wouldn't change anything for the world. My daughter is so beautiful and she was worth it. Please be kind to yourself whatever your decision. Rest and eat what u can when u can. Try to relax. I just used to have a lot of baths with my toddler and then sleep.

I hope you are feeling better now OP. You have had so much to contend with, whilst suffering really toxic and abusive treatment from those who should be supporting you. I am shocked to read this thread, and totally relate to your struggle and anguish, having looked into abortion myself to try and end the relentless suffering. I have never been so unwell in my whole life.

I am 24 weeks and have had the most horrific case of HG myself. Like you I wasn't actually sick for the first part of pregnancy and didn't think it counted, but if you lose lots of weight it definitely is classed as hyperemesis. I was also diagnosed with severe perinatal depression and anxiety and prescribed mental health treatment and medication. I didn't take the meds, not that it wouldn't have been right to do - like you I came off them last year and I felt like it was a step back.

For the last 10 weeks or so I have been having accupuncture, which I never in a million years would have considered before but I was desperate. My accupuncturist is amazing and is used to seeing women in my state. She has been an absolute godsend, really supportive the whole time too. A few days after my first treatment, I felt my sickness and anxiety physically disappear, it was insane. It lasted for a couple of days before it wore off, but for a couple of days I felt normal. I went back to the same effect. It's been amazing! I highly recommend trying it if you are able to (my mental health nurse told to me try it if I didn't want medication).

Anyway I thought I would share as it's worth trying if you are able to. Don't worry about your relationship with your son, I know it feels AWFUL to not be fully there for him right now. I didn't look after my two for 12 weeks and the guilt was killing me. But now I am starting to feel better it's getting back to normal and it's like everything is okay again.

I am very fortunate to have had a fully supportive husband who has bent over backwards for me. I know that's made my life easier, I can't imagine asking for some toast and him saying no, that breaks my heart as I know you wouldn't do that if you weren't desperate. The amount of toast texts I have sent this year is insane.

I really hope you get the help you deserve and what is best for you and your little ones right now. I was worried you were going to go through with the termination as I felt your desperation, so I was relieved that you are still going, you are so brave and an amazing mummy to be doing this when you don't have the support you need.

Keep us posted with your progress. I have been through a hyperemesis pregnancy before and I felt pretty normal from 27 weeks onwards. If it lasts the whole pregnancy it does ease off towards the end, so you have definitely been through the worst of it now. Good luck with everything and stay strong. You will be so proud of yourself when this is over.

Ps - I had a really easy labour last time which I like to think was my reward for the awful pregnancy. Wishing you the same!

Sending so much love and support to your op. I had horrendous hg in my 2nd pregnancy signed of work constantly and in hospital 4 times on a drip . Your dh and mum sounds wankers sorry but they do. My shifts thought I was being lazy until I got put in hospital unless you've been though it you seriously can't imagine how it feels!
I didn't start eating until my son was 1 week old must of been hormones still in my body . I also considered having a termination as it was the illest I'd been in my life .
Don't know if it helps I could only drink water that was freezing cold not everyday and certainly not the whole bottle but made me feel a tiny bit better . When you start to feel a unable to function it's best get into hospital for iv fluids xx

Thinking of you @intheloudhouse x

How are you today?

Hope you are faring okay OP. I think of you often and am willing you on.