Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

@polkadotpixie Really? You had severe 24/7 nausea and it just stopped? Did you stop taking your anti sickness or did you carry on taking them? Which ones did you take? And how did you manage to eat and drink when it was at its worst? x

@intheloudhouse Yes, it pretty much totally stopped. I occasionally felt slightly nauseous in the car or if I was really hungry but I was 99% better. I noticed a gradual improvement from 19 weeks

I was on Promethazine 3 x day. My GP wouldn't give me anything stronger so I just had to make do. Luckily he was my 1st baby so I didn't have another child to care for and DH was supportive. It must be so much harder when your DP isn't being kind or understanding

I gradually tapered off the anti sickness over a couple of weeks but took extra if I felt worse. Have you tried Xonvea at all? It's a new one and apparently it can be really helpful but it's expensive for the NHS so you might have to push for it

With regards to food/drink I couldn't really eat meals so I ate a little bit every hour, I set an alarm on my phone so if I was busy I didn't forget as if I let my stomach get empty it was much worse. I could only really eat plain or salty things so lots of digestive biscuits and salt & vinegar crisps. My diet was appalling but I just ate what I could stomach. Drinks-wise, I couldn't tolerate water at all, it just swished around in my stomach. I could only really drink fizzy pop which sounds counterproductive but helped for some reason!

Honestly OP, your biggest problem here is your DH. When all this is over please remember how he has treat you, I honestly couldn't forgive his behaviour. What if you were having chemo, or some other treatment which debilitated you? Yes it's a 'ballache' to be picking up the slack when one of you is incapacitated, but he's supposed to love you more than anybody else in the world, he should be doing everything he can to make life more bearable for you.

I can't believe you've shared with him and your parents that you're considering an abortion of a much wanted baby and none of them have stepped up - really fucking shameful, I've got 2 adult daughters, no way would I let them suffer like you are.

I really feel for you OP; I had 2 easy pregnancies but then I fell pregnant for the 3rd time and felt horrendous. I literally couldn't move my head without feeling sick (a bit like when you've drank too much and the room spins) My third pregnancy wasn't planned and I did end it at 10 weeks, more due to the circumstances at the time but honestly, the sickness did contribute to my decision. I remember one day laying on the sofa, the room was spinning and I had to go and pick my daughters up from school - I just cried, never felt anything like it - I totally understand why you're feeling as you do.

Whatever your decision you're gonna have a rough few months ahead of you, please do what you need to do to get through it, even if you have to totally abstain from family life for a bit - if you refuse to do it your DH will have no choice, you look after you if no one else is willing to

@intheloudhouse

I feel you. I had HG until I gave birth, in both pregnancies. I lost my job because of it with the first one. With the second, I booked a termination at 6 weeks as I couldn’t face 8 months of non-stop nausea and vomiting.

My DH talked me out of it and my obstetrician was very supportive; she prescribed me anti-depressants, which helped me cope mentally, at least.

OP, if you’re going to make it to the end, you’ll have to surrender yourself to it and ride the awfulness out. It’s easily the hardest, most horrible thing I’ve been through so far in life. But it will be over soon.

Good luck!

How common is it to last all the way through rather than tail off at the 20 week mark?
I'm scared to go ahead with the abortion and regret it for life but I'm also scared to get any further or too late in this pregnancy for abortion to still be an option and still feel like this. I'm so caught between a rock and a hard place

I think it’s less common for it to last until the end, but if I were you, that’s how I’d approach it.

For my 1st pregnancy, I kept expecting it to tail off but it never did, which made it worse. As soon as it started with the second, I knew what I was in for. I’m very glad I didn’t terminate (a permanent solution to a temporary problem).

Could you ask for ADs? Sertraline is safe in pregnancy and it what I had; it helped me cope.

Ondansetron was the only thing that helped me, I was being sick 30+ times a day without it. All my pregnancies were the same until I had given birth and then all food tasted wonderful again. Please hang in there and don't be scared to pester the Dr's until you get something that helps.

When I felt very down with pain (as I mentioned above, the pain was so bad I ended up in a wheelchair), I looked at the scan photos etc, which really helped me remember what I was fighting for. Given you actually really want this baby, perhaps it would help you?

Could you go and have a 3d scan, where you'd see your little one in quite a lot of detail, in the hope that it gives you the same push to endure this horribleness for them, in the same way that you would for your older child that you cans see? I do accept it would make termination even harder, but I think this is something you'd like to avoid if you can, you just need to work out how to survive in the meantime.

It's a proper baby now though, I do think you will really regret aborting at this point. It's so hard to look beyond the next day when u are feeling so ill but u need to think about the long term. I assume you wld never want to have another now as u cld end up just as sick so this is ur last chance.

I think your family and dp have not been very supportive or ur gp. I wld seriously be considering if I wanted to be with someone that thinks I'm making up how ill I am. Especially to the point where u want an abortion because it's so bad. He shld be doing everything he can to help. Regardless of how hard that is for him!

How long did you take the ADs for? You need to give them a couple of months to feel the positive effects.

I think its uncommon for it to continue as intensely all the way through pregnancy - I get the impression (not scientific! but from people I know) that maybe half of people it improves around 14 weeks, then some it continues getting worse but starts to improve either entirely or at least in part by the third trimester.

In terms of the hospital, I had an old manager whose wife had severe HG in her pregnancies to the extent that she was generally mostly in hospital for months 4 and 5, so around where you are now. They were the 'peak' for her, but then it started to improve, however the total bed rest of hospital helped. I know because he basically had to work entirely from home to be there for their other kids when this happened - he stepped up in a way your DP really should be doing. I really would consider getting yourself re-admitted if you feel you need it. I'd also be very clear to the doctors you're getting no support at home.

Its so difficult, because of course you could be unlucky, but you have come SO far. And there is every likelihood that you will start to feel better in a few weeks. I really think you need somebody to talk through all the drug combinations with you. I didn't see you mention cariban - I'm in Ireland where it is the front line drug and for me its been amazing. But from what I can gather, some people react better to some drugs than others, so its not as straightforward as 'this drug is stronger than this drug' as different people react differently. I know you feel you've tried everything except steroids, but there are different formulations and combinations. The HG threads in pregnancy here are very good, and v knowledgable, maybe you could post on that thread and ask for drug recommendations, if you explain what you've already taken?

@intheloudhouse honestly I really understand your pain. I've had hyperemesis with both of my pregnancies. My first was so bad I was vomiting up to 30 times a day and was severely dehydrated. My second stopped being sick at around 25 weeks and nausea stopped around 30 weeks. There is hope I promise! Try to hold on. The thing is in all honesty you could have hyperemesis in all of your pregnancies, I don't mean to scare you, but it happens. You have to try different medications before finding something that eases it. I tried about 6 before I found a combination that worked for me (metaclopramide and ondanestron with weekly trips to hospital for cyclzine injections). To terminate this far, I think you'd massively regret. Although I was in the same situation, I honestly thought with my first I couldn't cope and considered abortion, but luckily I found medication which helped me to function enough to carry on. People don't understand just how bad it makes you feel. My DH didn't get it either, I think until you've been in that situation it's hard to understand. If you need to be admitted long term to the maternity ward, he will have to deal with it. Your health comes first!

I had two HG pregnancies, they are really hard. The second one was harder (a girl), plus I got pregnant when my first was 9 months old so had a baby / toddler to look after too.

The sickness lifted pretty suddenly at 20 weeks. It came back at 28 weeks, but not as badly, and that break just really helped me.

I too think you’ll regret it if you go through with the abortion. I know another 20 weeks seems like an eternity, but when your baby is a few months old you really won’t think of the sickness again.

As a pp said, the best thing is to accept it, go into survival mode and do the absolute minimum at home, and focus on what the future will be like with your baby. I was lucky, I had a supportive GP, obstetrician, and husband. I’m not in the UK, but can you switch healthcare providers to find ones that are more familiar with / sympathetic to HG?

I didn’t realise your DH was being unsupportive, sorry to hear that. It makes a dreadful situation even worse and to be honest, I’d struggle to get over that.

My boss at the time thought I was essentially making it up and told me ‘my wife’s had 3 pregnancies with none of this fuss’. He then terminated my contract when I came back from (3 months of) maternity leave. It’s so fucking simple for men.

I am rooting for you OP, and would also dearly love to 'have a word' with your partner. You need looking after! Sending womanly strength to you. I feel so angry that Noone is looking after you properly!!!!

Thank you everyone. You're support is really helping through the days. I spoke to my GP today who didn't really say much when I mentioned steroids, I don't think she's taking me really seriously.

I'm just so anxious all the time as I say I'm very rarely leaving the house. I just feel like a shell of my old self.

This isn't forever and everyday you get through is another day done and closer to the finish line. Honestly I'm all pro choice but please don't abort this baby, the fact that you want it shines through your posts and I think you'll hold onto it forever. I really hope the gp can prescribe something

You are doing so amazingly OP, well done for getting to the end of another day. Another day closer to feeling well again. Biggest hugs. I wonder if you could get different meds from another source than your GP? Xx

We're all rooting for you OP, so please keep posting.

I felt like HG robbed me of my whole identity, and sapped the joy from every aspect of life. I agree with pp that you need to just go into survival mode and do the absolute bare minimum that you need to in order to get through the day.

@BarbiesBeaver

Ondansetron was the only thing that helped me, I was being sick 30+ times a day without it. All my pregnancies were the same until I had given birth and then all food tasted wonderful again. Please hang in there and don't be scared to pester the Dr's until you get something that helps.

I second this. I had HG with my second pregnancy and was being sick 10-20 times a day, it was horrific. It’s difficult to get ondanestron and it isn’t a magic wand but I was able to cope once I started taking it. I was still sick all the way up to the birth but it helped enough that I was able to mentally get through.

@intheloudhouse

I’ve been where you are and it’s awful.
My HG lasted until 17 weeks with my first, in and out of hospital on drips up until then, sickness meds which didn’t really work.
Thought the second would be different... it was even worse, again in and out of hospital and mostly bed bound until I was 22 weeks.
I even had aversions to certain fabrics on clothes
I did consider abortion tbh, but I kept going as I knew I wanted a second baby and didn’t want to do it all again.
Both times, it just stopped.
The second time I was laying in bed, feeling like I was dying, and over a period of half hour maybe it lessened and sort of disappeared to be replaced by an intense hunger for pickled onions. Really strange!
Also the HG support thread really helped me with LucindaE on it, she used to direct message me sometimes, coincidentally when I was really low. Don’t think she knew how much she helped.
Hope you feel better soon

Just to add like other posters.
Small things that helped me.
Full sugar coke- freezing cold helped.
Vicks under the nose.

How are you feeling today OP?

In terms of trying to stay hydrated, I'm sure you've tried lots of things, but I wondered if sucking on ice cubes helped at all? I found the only way I could keep any drinks down was if they were either freezing cold (or frozen) or scalding hot. Room temperature tap water was absolutely out. I liked tiny sips of lemon barley made up with tons and tons of ice.

I also could not brush my teeth when I was at my worst (gross I know), but could rinse with mouthwash (but it had to be citrus flavour not mint). I then started to find that the smell of the citrus mouthwash eased the nausea a bit, so kept a bottle beside my bed to sniff every now and again. Pregnancy is so weird.

Your GP wasn't trying to push antidepressants, she was trying to get you to a place where you can function.

Please find somebody who can pull all this together and advocate on your behalf....a trusted friend , a social worker? Somebody?
What is your support network like?

Could you try any " alternative" therapy....I know they cost but compared to an abortion, it may be worth a go?