Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and feel really sad that you’re not getting the support you deserve from your partner.

My first pregnancy was not planned and I was terrified (finances weren’t right) I contemplated abortion but when the sickness hit me at 6 weeks my gosh I felt like I was dying and that pushed my decision forward to go ahead with the abortion. As soon as the sac came out I felt instant relief.

I have been pregnant since and have been sick but not to that degree. I have regretted it, felt guilt over it, a lot at the beginning but I’ve made my peace with it.

My partner was and always has been very supportive and I can see why you might be thinking about an abortion especially since you don’t have that support. I would recommend you talk to your partner with a counsellor /midwife- someone who appreciates HG so they can explain how important his support is to you.

I would also say, that choosing to abort may impact your relationship with your partner. You May end up resenting him after it but I can’t see how you might be blamed for that.

I hope that whatever you choose is the right decision for you and you feel much better soon.

Bless you. Having had severe HG with both my pregnancies, I understand how you feel. It's debilitating in a way that no-one who's not walked a mile in your shoes will understand.
In my case it was my hospital consultant who asked if I'd considered termination (at around 16 weeks on my 4th hospital admission - I think they were sick to death of me ). I hadn't considered it before this point but it gave me food for thought.
I decided to continue with the pregnancy as I didn't think I'd forgive myself otherwise.
Once the baby was born, I soon forgot most of how horrific the pregnancy was and the baby was worth every moment. I even had another baby knowing that HG was likely.
You're halfway there now and if this is a much wanted baby, you've done most of the hard work to get your baby. Although the nausea never completely went away for me, it was much more bearable after about 20 weeks and life was fairly close to normal for the last few months of my pregnancy.
Speak to the professionals. Can you change your meds. Have you tried different doses of the Ondansetron? Are you aware that low blood sugar and dehydration massively affects the nausea so it's really important and worth fighting through the ickiness to eat / drink little bits. Full sugar Coke helped me a lot (sip a really cold can) and actually, even beer (limited to half a pint a day). It stayed down better than water.
Is there any chance they could induce so you could deliver the baby early?

@intheloudhouse It seemed to lessen slightly for a few days (increasingly as the days passed) but I could barely hope it was really getting better - then it disappeared completely- it was INCREDIBLE!!! The feeling was amazing and I hadn't realised how much joy I'd lost for all those months of not being able to enjoy food (or anything really) certain smells still take me back to that time. 😱

I also had three girls, I don't know if it's an old wives tale, but I've heard a few times it can be worse with girl pregnancies anecdotally.

Feel really bad for you, hope so much you get a sone relief soon.

Stress can make sickness worse. You are of course stressed, it doesn't sound like your partner or parents are supporting you at all which is so sad. I know my dh got fed up with the situation sometimes, real life was put on hold for us all really. But it seems a distant memory now. It was worth every minute of feeling horrendous to have our gorgeous babies.

Your partner needs to hear the words from someone else, preferably a professional, tell him how horrendous it can be for some women and that they need all the love and support they can get. Calling you lazy and not bringing you food when you need it is just going to make you feel worse. You poor thing. I sympathise so much.

I completely understand why you are contemplating abortion, I remember mentioning it to the gp too but I think if I had I would have always been wondering.... what if the sickness had worn off in another few weeks? I would never have known and always be wondering, I know for me I would have regretted it deeply forever more.

You've come this far, you would have gone through all these weeks for nothing? You're pretty much half way! My sickness started wearing off at 17 weeks and gone pretty much by 19 weeks. My dsis was a few weeks later than that, everyone's so different.

Will you ask to try the steroids? It would be amazing if they helped, even if something can help a little it's worth a try, it might mean you can think more clearly and function more.

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've had such wonderful advice already, I just thought I'd add my experience of horrendous nausea and vomiting up to 21/22 weeks and then feeling a lot more human. There's no way of knowing what the rest of your pregnancy will be like, but there is at least a bit of hope that you might perk up a bit. I can't believe your family isn't stepping up. You need to be on the sofa, nibbling and drinking whatever you can face and your family should be helping. I wonder if you might find someone to help out, if finances allow? My friend runs a Nanny agency and is used to finding emergency angels to help families out in times of crisis. If your DH isn't going to temporarily adjust his life to enable you to grow his child then hit him in the wallet.

I had really bad hypremesis with both my pregnancies. It lasted for 25 weeks with my first and 20 weeks with my current pregnancy. I literally didn't get out of bed unless it was to go to the hospital. My other half brought me about 30 cans of ginger beer which helped on occasion, I had sickness bands.. The lot. I went to our urgent care centre instead of the doctors and they were supportive when they saw the state of me. The first type of meds they gave me were shit so I went back got a different type which helped a little. I ended up with them mixing 2 types of meds together (I think metoclopramide and something else) which acruay really helped. I hope you feel better xxx

This might be a crazy thought, but if you absolutely can't continue, would the doctors are to ending your pregnancy very early rather than an abortion? You are basically 4 weeks away from viability, and maybe give it an extra 2 weeks and you'd be at 26w where baby would need a lot of care, but would survive, whereas now your baby couldn't live.

The main issue here though is that your partner and family aren't being supportive enough, and the medical professionals aren't doing enough. I wish they could (if you wanted) admit you into you could give birth or felt very, as it's better they do that and you get proper care and your baby live.

For what it's worth, I ended up in a wheelchair with my second child, and was in agony the whole time. I understand how hard it is, but afterwards, if have done it a thousand times over for her. As horrific as the next few months may be if it doesn't ease, you've come so far through this and I don't think this prefer it when they arrive. But getting from now to then it's the hard bit

Feeling so sad for you reading your posts op, I had awful nausea and vomiting which completely stopped at 21 weeks, didn't feel ill for the rest of my pregnancy. I know everyone is different but you may only have another couple of weeks of feeling like this

OP,

I hope your appointment with the perinatal mental health team today goes well and that they can offer some support and advice.

I know how utterly wretched you must feel, but do agree with those posters saying that the sickness is temporary (though it's hard to feel that when you're experiencing it, I know), but a termination is permanent. But I certainly see how hard things are for you, especially with the lack of support from your partner.

Hope your call is helpful today OP, really feel for you

Awful that you're dealing with.this. there is a great supportive group on fb with so much experience e and advice. It is called 'Hyperemesis Gravidarum and Pregnancy Sickness'. It is a private group and you can ask things anonymously x

How awful for you op. My sil had hg in both pregnancies and at times she did regret being pregnant. Have you support at home from parents, partner etc? Can you request to be admitted to the hospital for a few days to get rehydrated, my sil was hospitalised three times.

The appointment went ok, the lady was nice enough but it was mainly just asking questions. I've got an appointment with their nurse on Monday to see if there's anything they can give me for my anxiety in the short term.
I'm really struggling tonight and having a panic attack.
How am I supposed to choose between this torture for another 5 months or aborting the only baby girl I might ever have?

Honestly my heart is breaking for you OP. I don't know if this is good advice - I am not at all averse to being swiftly corrected by someone with a better idea - but I wonder if you should take yourself off to A&E in the hope of being admitted as an emergency? You sound very close to the edge.
I'm so sorry and I wish I could help. Please keep posting if you can and maybe someone has another idea.

Sorry to read this OP. I just want to join some other pp in saying that I had HG in pregnancy with dd1 and there were days when I felt like I was dying/dying would be preferable to feeling like I did. I had 2 miscarriages before the pregnancy so I didn’t seriously consider termination but it was really tough. However like others, I started to feel a lot better after 20 weeks and almost normal from 22 weeks. I had dd2 2 months ago and whilst I wasn’t as sick as the first time, I was quite ill until 22 weeks again and found it hard looking after another child too. I think you really need some proper support at home and from the midwives/hospital. Like others have said, it’s completely your decision and not my place to judge, but you are almost halfway through the pregnancy and the chances are you are going to start feeling better really soon so you could regret a termination. Thinking of you 💐

Of all the things the daily mail pick up off here this thread should be THE one. You are being failed my love and holy hell should be raised to help you. You want the baby, you’re in the worst position of your life. There must be something that can help, hospital admission, early induction etc. These should be shared with you to give you hope.

You’ll never forget this but if you do continue it’ll fade from your memory. On the other hand if you terminate that rawness may never leave you. I’m very pro choice OP but I also have the luxury of looking outward in and being detached from this. Please continue to push for help with every fibre of your being. For both of you.

I hope you feel you can keep posting on here OP. You deserve real life support, but in its absence, I think most people on this thread are standing by to offer you some virtual support, so please do feel free to moan, rant or talk things through if you think that might help.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so anxious and panic stricken this evening. I can hear that you feel trapped. Have you managed to find the HG support thread on here? The posters on there will have a good understanding of where you're coming from.

It will pass! But trust me, the guilt and regret you'll feel will not. When your baby is in your arms the sickness will leave your mind. But who's to say in just 2 weeks the sickness will go? I remember feeling sick all the way to about 23 weeks, horribly sick. But the rest of my pregnancy was bliss! Start eating meal replacements for now, drink plenty of water and things will get better I promise!

I agree with PP maybe get yourself to A&E or call 111 I think you need more support and help than you are getting.

I don’t say A&E lightly but I have been where you are some days I felt like I was dying.

Also, look into what an 18 week abortion actually is and ask yourself, 'can I go through with this?' Couple more weeks and it will be the age the youngest baby outside the womb has survived. They feel pain at this stage. It will eat you alive, trust me. I think about my abortion most days and wish someone told me all of this, I had no idea what I was really doing. The guilt makes me sick and I can't run away from it. At least with sickness, you KNOW it's going to pass

Feel so awful for you. I think you should definitely go to A& E or at the very least call 111. I know I sound bossy but honestly pp's are right, that's a great idea and lives are at risk here.

Maybe it'll give a wake up call to your partner - I think it could be great for you if you were looked after in hospital, also he might realise how much you usually do.

I'm normally quite sympathetic- eg in this scenario, does he feel helpless and that's why he's cutting off emotionally and being an idiot? But if he's using words like 'pathetic' then I think he's just being an absolute dick.

Make sure next time he has a sickness bug you remind him you felt like this for 5 months relentlessly and he called you pathetic. 😕

Sending ♥️ to you.

Also one thing that helped a bit in 2/3 of my pregnancies was full sugar Coke. I expect you've tried everything.

How are you today OP?

I had severe pregnancy nausea with DS. I wasn't that sick thanks to anti sickness meds but the nausea was relentless 24/7, nothing helped that

It improved for me around 19/20 weeks and by 23 weeks I felt fine and continued to do so for the rest of my pregnancy

Push for steroids, call Pregnancy Sickness Support and join the HG thread on here, the ladies on there are lovely

You can do this and it will all be worth it when you hold your baby girl at the end of it

Thank you so much everyone for all the messages of support. They are really helping me get through the long days.
I went to A&E last Wednesday night/early hours of Thursday - I'm ashamed to say I rang 999 as I was desperate and no one was willing to take me. They admitted me onto the maternity ward until Sunday and I had 10 bags of fluid, anti sickness meds, all kinds of checks and I was very well cared for.
I thought it was nice as DP came to visit every day but then when he was taking me home he made a point of saying what a hassle it was to his work day and he hopes no one ends up in hospital long term as it was a "ball ache" which kind of took away the sentiment that I thought he was actually concerned.
I think if I go back to A&E I assume it'll just be the same - in fact the maternity ward said if I get in a state again to ring them directly and I should be able to be admitted. But how long can I stay in hospital for? I can't be in there until October
The GP is calling me today as a follow up from an appointment I had 2 weeks ago - she just tried to push antidepressants on me which made me feel even worse due to the side effects so I stopped them. I'm going to ask about the steroids and tell her they were mentioned to me in hospital.
I just want my life and my independence back x